Ronaldo accuses transvestite of extortion

Soccer stars just want to have fun and Ronaldo is no different. The soccer super spud decided to have him some fun Sunday night at a Rio de Janeiro motel, hiring some prostitutes for a little wink-wink which is completely legal in Brazil. Problem was that the hos were bros.

* Police are probing claims by AC Milan striker Ronaldo that a transvestite sought to extort money from him following an altercation at a motel.

Police inspector Carlos Augusto Nogueira said that Ronaldo, who is recuperating from a knee injury in his homeland, contracted the services of three transvestites - believing them to be women - and took them to a Rio de Janeiro motel.

However, Ronaldo is then said to have tried to get out of the situation after one of the men went in search of drugs.

Two of them accepted pay-offs of 1,000 reais (£304), but Ronaldo has claimed that the third, named as Andreia Albertini, demanded 50,000 reais (US 30,000) and threatened to post a video on the internet if he was not paid.

The police also said that the transvestites have claimed that Ronaldo threatened to hurt them.

Nogueira said that Ronaldo had not committed any crimes by contracting the men, but he is looking into other claims.

"He just wanted to have fun and meet some other people outside his usual environment," Nogueira said.

"There is no crime at all."

He added: "He (Ronaldo) is quite shocked. He said he just wanted to have some fun and for the press not to be informed about this.

"Ronaldo told me he is suffering some psychological problems as a result of his injury"

(A clearly disappointed Ronaldo looks on as he realises the model has no male anatomy present)

The Boys at KUMB go through who stays and who goes at the end of this season.

Think they've hit the nail on the head with this one

West Ham United have confirmed that a number of first-team squad members face the chop this summer as Alan Curbishley is forced to reduce his playing staff.

Scott Duxbury revealed last week that Curbishley had been asked to reduce his squad to 24/25 players - or two decent options for each position.So join KUMB as we take a look through the squad to see whose positions are most at risk - and to see a list of the 12 players who we feel have most to fear ...

1. Robert Green - One of the most consistent players at the club this year, Curbishley will do all he can to hang on to the England keeper this summer although bids from other interested parties (possibly Arsenal) may be forthcoming.Stay/go: stay

2. Lucas Neill - Criticised at times this season for some below par performances but still a lynchpin in Curbishley's defence. Will only go if the club are made an offer they can't refuse.Stay/go: stay

3. George McCartney - As the only recognised left back at the club it would be folly to part with the popular Irishman who will feature highly in this year's end of season player polls.Stay/go: stay

4. Danny Gabbidon - The Welsh defender has been out of action since Christmas with a groin injury and has now slipped down the defensive pecking order. Rumours of a fall-out with Curbishley and interest from former club Cardiff could see our 2006 Player of the Year on his way out.Stay/go: go

5. Anton Ferdinand - Just over a year to go on his contract and no new offers from the club have left Ferdinand feeling jittery. However Curbishley is thought to be a fan and unlikely to let him leave without a struggle.Stay/go: stay

6. Matthew Upson - The club's most consistent defender this season, Upson is just about the safest player at the club. However his recent England call-up may have turned one or two heads.Stay/go: stay

7. Freddie Ljungberg - Despite having improved greatly in recent weeks the Swede is still a possibility for the axe due to his higher earnings and the number of players who can play in his position. The problem will be finding someone willing to pay his vast wages.Stay/go: stay

8. Scott Parker - Another to suffer massive injury problems this season, Parker will be a West Ham player next season having arrived for £7m less than a year ago.Stay/go: stay

9. Dean Ashton - The likes of Newcastle and Aston Villa are likely to be keeping an eye on developments in East London with Ashton still to find the form that earned him an England call-up two years ago. Should a high-enough bid come in Curbishley may be tempted to cash in although the likely fallout from the fans may be enough to dissuade such a move.Stay/go: stay

10. Craig Bellamy - Linked with a move to Championship outfit QPR but still has plenty to offer the top flight. Despite massive injury problems Bellamy is set to remain at the club next season.Stay/go: stay

11. Matthew Etherington - Recently signed a new four-year deal so a swift exit is highly unlikely.Stay/go: stay

12. Carlton Cole - Six goals this term may not be enough to save the big striker; the fact that his sheer size offers Curbishley a different option may be. However the right offer - perhaps from a newly promoted club - could tempt Curbs' to sell.Stay/go: go

14. John Paintsil - A cult figure but in all honesty, a pretty average defender. Paintsil - who was signed by Alan Pardew on the back of a good World Cup in 2006 - is one of the hot favourites to go.Stay/go: go

15. Nobby Solano - His current deal comes to an end this summer and it could well be a toss-up between him and Ljungberg to see who goes. The sheer amount of money invested in the Swede could mean the end for Nobby, who has been a big hit with the fans this season.Stay/go: go

16. Mark Noble - A no-brainer if Curbishley values his genitals.Stay/go: stay

17. Hayden Mullins - Several times he has been rumoured to be leaving the club but four years after moving from Crystal Palace the central midfielder remains a solid member of Curbishley's squad. Recent comments by the manager suggesting that Mullins is a bit of an unsung hero point to him remaining at United for a fifth year.Stay/go: stay

18. Jonathan Spector - A jack of all trades but master of none, Spector is going to struggle to hang on to his place in the first team squad when all are fit. However his sheer versatility might just be the very thing that saves him.Stay/go: stay

19. James Collins - Curbishley has a lot of time for the Ginger Pele, whose cruiate injury means he will be going nowhere as he will be benched until Christmas at the earliest.Stay/go: stay

20. Julien Faubert - With so little playing time this season Faubert is another who has it all to do next year. Despite the injuries - and comments made to Equipe earlier in the season regarding the club's trianing methods - the flying Frenchman stays.Stay/go: stay

21. Richard Wright - Already in an extended loan spell with Championship side Southampton, Wright will almost certainly go having complained earlier in the season about a lack of first team football. Stay/go: go

22. Tony Stokes - Another who is like to be moved on having failed to break through to the first team squad.Stay/go: go

23. Jimmy Walker - A hugely popular figure around the club despite barely featuring this season, Walker's lower-end-of-the-pay-scale wages could save him - especially if number two Wright does move on.Stay/go: stay

24. Christian Dailly - On loan with Rangers since the turn of the year, Dailly will offically leave the club this summer when his current deal expires.Stay/go: go

25. Bobby Zamora - Having barely featured this season Zamora is another under threat. However one of either him or Cole are almost certain to be retained; we think the Z-man, on past value, just has the edge.Stay/go: stay

26. Nigel Quashie - Will be moved on this summer if a buyer can be found (and assuming someone can find him first).Stay/go: go

27. Calum Davenport - Had he not broken his neck playing on loan at Watford in January he would have been one of the first out of the door having failed to impress. Like Collins, his injury means he will be going nowhere (until next January, at least).Stay/go: stay

28. Kyel Reid - Another who has failed to impress Curbishley, the young winger could be tempted by a move to Crystal Palace where he spent a successful spell on loan recently.Stay/go: go

29. Lee Bowyer - Started the season superbly but like many others spent the end of it on the treatment table. His numerous injuries are a concern and the right offer could tempt Curbishley to let one of his former proteges go. Stay/go: go

30. James Tomkins - Having finally broken through to the first team Tomkins is finally beginning to realise years of promise. Going nowhere.Stay/go: stay

32. Kieron Dyer - After missing virtually the entire season through injury Dyer is looking forward to returning to action next year. A huge investment, Curbishley will want to see some of his potential realised next season.Stay/go: stay

33. Henri Camara - Why he's still here is a mystery - as is why he was ever signed in the first place. Thankfully he's only on loan.Stay/go: go

34. Luis Boa Morte - Possibly the most under-threat of the big-money Curbishley signings. The fans just haven't taken to him and once that happens your days are usually numbered. The problem will be finding a buyer willing to pay a decent amount for a 31-year-old who cost £5 million just 18 months earlier.Stay/go: go

40. Fred Sears - Likely to be considered a fully-fledged member of the first team squad next season although a loan move may be on the cards should Curbishley sign another striker this summer to complement his existing options.Stay/go: stay

WHU Rumors.

Editorial Summary on the following transfers: Stephen Carr, fuck. The list of has been shit-eaters continues to grow on our books. If we have to lose Green it better be for more than 8 million quid. Andy Johnson, overrated hack who will probably cost a fortune. I seem to remember him turning down a 100k per week salary when we went for him last summer. Is Dawson really that much better than any of the other CB's that we have? And finally, would only sell Deano if we could bring in someone of comparable stature/profile. I want Diego Milito and with Zaragoza bombing this season I don't see why we can't grab him.

1. Newcastle's Stephen Carr is once again being linked with a return to London.
Former Tottenham full-back Carr is out of favour on Tyneside and is once again being linked with a return South by the Daily Mirror.With his current contract set to expire in the summer and with no news of a new deal emerging from Newcastle the 31-year-old Irish defender is set to leave on a free transfer and, according to the Miror, is seen by Alan Curbishley as a good back-up option.Carr has spent the last four years in the North East since joining the Magpies in a £2m switch from Tottenham.

2. West Ham United goalkeeper Robert Green is being linked with a move to Tottenham.
A number of the weekend's tabloids claimed that the former Norwich man is Juande Ramos' main summer target, with the Spaniard said to be willing to pay as much as £8m in order to land his man.The 28-year-old goalkeeper has been in sparkling form this season and recently earned his first England call-up for three years.


3. Andy Johnson has told reporters that he has no intention of leaving Everton.
The striker has been linked with a move to West Ham since last summer but appears determined to remain at Goodison Park and fight for his place."I have seen the stories in the newspaper and they are absolute rubbish," he told the Daily Post."I have recently signed a new deal at Everton, which I was delighted to do. Of course there is competition for striking places here but I wouldn't have it any other way - and neither would the manager."


4. West Ham are being linked with a move for Tottenham's Michael Dawson.
The 24-year-old centre-half is rumoured to be surplus to requirements at White Hart Lane since Juande Ramos was installed as manager and could be set to leave three years after joining the North Londoners.With Alan Curbishley set to make changes in defence during the summer the former England under 21 is said to be one of the players on his radar.Dawson has been one of Tottenham's most regular performers this season. His only league goal this season came in the 1-1 against West Ham at the Boleyn Ground last November.


5. Today's Sun reports that Newcastle boss Kevin Keegan is weighing up a bid for West Ham United's Dean Ashton.
Steve Brenner reports that Keegan is lining up a double swoop for Ashton - who scored against the Magpies at the weekend - and Everton's Leighton Baines.Ashton - who moved from Norwich to East London in the 2006 January transfer window - has made 33 appearances for the Hammers this season, scoring nine goals.The Swindon-born striker began his career with Dario Grady's Crewe before joining Norwich in a £3 million switch in January 2005.

Croatian Manager Living in 1999

(Extract from F365)

Party Like It's 1999

Like most right-thinking people, the Mediawatch is a massive fan of Slaven Bilic.

How could you not love a manager who chain smokes (it's cool and you know it) and plays in a Croatian rock band named 'Rawbau'?

And today we love him even more, thanks to his thoughts on where Jesper Olsen lookalike Luka Modric would be best served playing his football next season.

Here are those quotes in full: "I would be very happy if Luka finds a new club before Euro 2008. I would want this for all of my players who are looking for new clubs and are at the end of their contracts.

"As for Luka, Newcastle United are no doubt a big club - just behind the top five: Manchester United, Liverpool, Arsenal, Tottenham and Everton. "NUFC are in the range of Chelsea, Leeds United and Aston Villa but can invest a lot more money in new signings than let's say Tottenham. "Also it's more likely that Newcastle will be English champions than Tottenham. Luka wouldn't be making a mistake if he signs for The Magpies."

Brilliant stuff. Those quotes were brought to you directly by the year 1999.

Stuart Downing: Wins biggest wanker competition/News that THO would appreciate

1. West Ham United are set to snap up Icelandic prospect Holmar Orn Eyjolfsson.
The 17 year-old defender is contracted to HK Kopavogur and West Ham are close to agreeing terms for the youngster.

2. Middlesbrough's England star Stewart Downing has revealed he's an amateur DJ!
In fact, he's more than an amateur, having already performed at some major night spots.

Obviously, in the season you can't do too much because you don't want to be out late or be drinking. In football, there are pressures but when you're DJ-ing there is more pressure. In football, you have your team-mates to help you out and you can put it right, but not up there. If you make a mistake it is just you in front of a few hundred people dancing," Downing told the Sunday Times.

"It's a lot more nerve-racking DJ-ing than playing football. I played the Purple Onion in 'Boro and I have done it in Ibiza at Eden and places like that. At Eden you can get a thousand people in there in different rooms. You've got to mix the tracks right. You don't want any clashing. It's a different challenge, a mental one. I play Funky House and I would love to do it more."

3. West Ham United midfielder Freddie Ljungberg may miss this summer's Euro2008 after suffering a cracked rib in his side's 2-2 draw with Newcastle.

The Sweden international was stretchered off at Upton Park in a first-half clash with Steven Taylor and manager Alan Curbishley revealed the player had been injured.
The former Arsenal man therefore becomes the latest player to join West Ham's lengthy absentee list.

Curbishley said: "I think Taylor has tried to leapfrog him and landed on him. He has been raked all down the side and front of his face and cracked a rib.

"That's another one out for us but we are hoping he will be okay for the Euros."

4. Tottenham have won the race to sign highly-rated Croatia midfielder Luka Modric from Dinamo Zagreb for a fee believed to be £15.8million.

The Premier League club have agreed personal terms with the 22-year-old, who was reportedly courted by many of Europe's top sides, and he will leave Zagreb for White Hart Lane this summer subject to his passing a medical.

Modric must also obtain a work permit but that will be a formality given his status as one of the continent's most coveted talents.

Big Danny V Sheffield Swap

The Mariners are poised to swap Danny Vukovic for Sheffield United's Paddy Kenny following the news on Vukovic's ban. The Mariners and The Blades formed an alliance earlier this year, and this will be the first test of it's usefulness. With Vukovic unable to play for the Mariners until October, Vukovic will be loaned to the Blades and Kenny will be loaned to the Mariners until that time. Once Vukovic's ban is ended, the Mariners and the Blades will then decide whether the loan should continue or not.

The loan is designed to keep Vukovic match fit and he will leave for the UK on his return from holidaying on Hayman Island.Lyall Gorman was instrumental in getting the alliance in place and was also instrumental in pushing for a fair hearing on Vukovic's sentence to keep his Olyroos dream alive. This loan deal. to be announced over the weekend, will demonstrate Gorman's business acumen.

A League Ins and Outs

WHILE most A-League players were on holiday during April, there has been plenty of movement among the clubs as they all look to revamp their squads for next season.

Adelaide United and Melbourne Victory have had to delay their off-season break due to their participation in the AFC Champions League, but that has not stopped them adjusting their player rosters accordingly. Adelaide United have re-signed Nathan Burns (2 years), Lucas Pantelis (2 years), Michael Valkanis (1 year), Angelo Costanzo (1 year) and Daniel Beltrame (1 year) as well as adding Sasa Ognenovski from Queensland Roar (2 years) and Daniel Mullen from the AIS (1 year), with Bobby Petta, Dez Giraldi, Shaun Ontong, Robert Bajic and Milan Susak released by the club.

Melbourne Victory bolstered their squad for the AFC Champions League with the resigning of Daniel Vasilevski (2 years), Steven Pace (2 years) and Nick Ward (1 year) as well as adding Billy Celeski (Perth Glory – 1 year) and Tom Pondeljak (Central Coast Mariners – 2 years), with youngster Nathan Elasi and goalkeeper Steve Mautone on board as a short-term signings to provide cover during Asia’s premier club competition. The Victory released Adrian Caceres and Ljubo Milicevic.

Hyundai A-League 2008 Grand Finalists, the Central Coast Mariners, have had to rebuild following the departure of John Aloisi (end of contract), Tom Pondeljak (Melbourne Victory), Alvin Ceccoli (released) and the retirement of Tony Vidmar. Coach Lawrie McKinna has rewarded loyalty and performance by offering revised contracts to Nigel Boogaard (2 years), John Hutchinson (2 years), Mile Jedinak (2 years), Brad Porter (2 years), Matt Simon (2 years) and has also added Adrian Caceres from Melbourne Victory (2 years), Ahmad Elrich (Wellington Phoenix – 2 years) and former Australian Youth international Dylan Macallister from Norwegian club FC Lyn Norway (2 years).

Hyundai A-League 2008 Champions, the Newcastle Jets, will see a very different squad at pre-season training compared with the one that held the Championship trophy aloft at the Sydney Football Stadium in February. Gary Van Egmond has shown faith in his younger players and re-signed Tarek Elrich (2 years), Adam D'Apuzzo (2 years) and goalkeeper Ben Kennedy (2 years), whilst recently adding former Adelaide United Shaun Ontong (2 years) and young AIS striker Jason Naidovski (2 years). Leaving EnergyAustralia Stadium are Andrew Durante (Wellington Phoenix), Mark Bridge (Sydney FC), Denni (released), Jorge Drovandi (released), Steve Eagleton (retired), Troy Hearfield (Wellington Phoenix), Mario Jardel (released), Paul Kohler (released), Stuart Musialik (Sydney FC), Scott Tunbridge (released). With plenty of room left in the roster, Van Egmond is about to embark on a European scouting trip to eye potential signings. On his return to Australia, he will detour via Japan to assess the form of his star striker Joel Griffiths who is currently on loan at Avispa Fukuoka in the J-League Division 2.

David Mitchell begins his first full season as the Head Coach of Perth Glory and has the opportunity to construct a squad of his own. Jamie Harnwell (2 years), Jamie Coyne (2 years), James Robinson (1 year), David Tarka (1 year), Jimmy Downey (2 years)and Naum Sekulovski (1 year) have been re-signed and local Western Australian Josip Magdic and Ivorian Eugene Dadi have also been added to the club. The departure of Simon Colosimo (Sydney FC), Leo Bertos (Wellington Phoenix), Billy Celeski (Melbourne Victory) and Stan Lazaridis (released) will still leave Mitchell with a number of positions to full before the season starts.

Queensland Roar coach Frank Farina has travelled to Brazil during the off-season to visit Atletico Mineiro on a fact finding mission and will also be looking to add some new names to his team sheet after losing Sasa Ognenovski (Adelaide United), Reinaldo (Busan I'Park, Korea Republic), Simon Lynch (released) and Marcinho (released). Local favourites Josh McLoughan and Griffin McMaster have both been rewarded with 2 year contracts each. Young Queenslanders Tim Smits (Rochedale Rovers - QLD, 2 years) and David Dodd (Palm Beach - QLD, 2 years) along with AIS pair of Luke Devere and Isaka Cernak the have also recently joined the club for pre-season training.

Sydney FC has signed Qantas Socceroo John Aloisi (2 years) as the club’s new marquee player along with Simon Colosimo (Perth Glory – 2 years), Stuart Musialik (Newcastle Jets – 2 years) and Mark Bridge (Newcastle Jets – 3 years). Leaving Sydney are former club captain Mark Rudan (Avispa Fukuoka, Japan), Ufuk Talay (Avispa Fukuoka, Japan), David Zdrilic (released), Ruben Zadkovich (Derby County, England), Patrick (released) and Ben Vidaic (released), whilst Adam Biddle (to Blacktown City, NSW), Ivan Necevski (to Blacktown City, NSW), Nick Tsattlios (to Penrith Nepean, NSW) are all keeping sharp with a stint in the NSW Premier League.Although any deal to bring Juninho back to Sydney under the salary cap is understood to have fallen through, the club has yet to formally notify the FFA that he has been released ahead of next season.

After their inaugural season in the Hyundai A-League competition, the Wellington Phoenix has resigned Vince Lia (2 years) and added New Zealand International and Wellington local Leo Bertos from Perth Glory (2 years) and fellow Kiwi Ben Sigmund (Auckland City, NZ - 1 year) . Australians’ Andrew Durante (2 years - Newcastle Jets), Troy Hearfield (2 years - Newcastle Jets) and Jon McKain (2 years - from Politechnica Timisoara, Romania*) as well as Chinese import Lei lei Gao (MyPa, Finland) have also taken up new contracts in the New Zealand capital. Leaving the Phoenix are the foundation captain Ross Aloisi (retired), Steven O’Dor (released), Cleberson (released), George Paladini (released), Ahmad Elrich (Central Coast Mariners), Felipe (released), Kristian Rees (short-term player, released), Jacob Spoonley (released) and Steven Old (Macarthur Rams, NSW Premier League).

With still around three and half months to the kick-off of the Hyundai A-League 2008-09 season, Football Federation Australia will provide further updates at the end of May and June and again at the start of the season in August.