Australia Sucked - GSE rocked

Could Australia have sucked anymore than they did last night?

A rudderless display against Oman with a full strength squad was completely embarrassing (I'm talking Saturday night Stephen Conroy is going to send a team of elite ninjas to kill me embarrassing and leaving drunken (yet witty?) messages on people's voice mails). Not because the Omani's were so good, but because Australia was so bad.

These ratings are taken in the form of Championship Manager 01/02 (the king of all manager games). Where even before the game has started a player would have a rating of 6-so if you get less than 6 you would have been better sitting this one out.

Schawrzer - 8
Was the only player who can hold his head high. Made a couple of vital saves to make sure that Oman didn't finish us off. Receeding hair line looked great. It's people like Mark and Arjen Robben who do wonders for the prematurely balding community's self esteem.

Emerton - 4
I hate you. He runs up and down the flank like a horse barging into anything and refusing to cross the ball with his left foot. He gives the ball away too easy and his step overs and cut backs are taken straight from the Desmond school (good enough for Action Indoor and Blackburn Rovers, not good enough for Australia). Caught constantly out of position defensivly and was accordingly punished.

Neill - 6
Servicable. Perhaps a modest rating considering Australia's defensive frailties but looked pretty solid in the centre of defense. He seems to be suffering from a bit of the Rio "Beckenbaur" Ferdinand syndrome where everyone expects him to be playing the ball out of the defensive half as a libero. It didn't work last night and most of his through balls and passes were mopped up by the Omani defense.

Kisnorbo - 6 (But he did go to St Bernard's so maybe 10)
Paddy is the logical first choice as a central defender. He's quick, strong in the air and has a "hold nothing back" mentality that could make him a star for the Aussies. But he just lacks the technical nouse and footballing brain. Caught out of position too often. Stood motionless as an Omani player ghosted in for an unmarked header which let to Schwarzer's best save of the evening.

Wilkshire - 3
If Luke Wilkshire can play for Australia then I'm going to say that it's not to late for me to throw away my calculator and tax books and pull on a green and gold jersey. Guus thinks he's a good player I think he's shit. Just tell me where did this myth that he is any good come from. The only memorable thing he did last summer was trying to decapitate Phillip Cocu and giving Australia a reputation as thugs. He was hopeless last night. Gave the ball away everytime he got it. Did not link up with anyone on the left hand side and hence made everyone who played there from Sterjovski, Bresciano and Kewell look isolated. Replace him with Carney.

Grella - 4
Worst game that I have seen Vince Grella play for Australia. Never one to miss an opportunity to hand possession to the other team he's night was characterised by the fact that he thought he was playing for Torino and that the people in the red shirts were his team mates. Looked like he shat himself everytime the Omani's hit Australia on the counter with a bit of pace. Fossie might say both technical and tactical, Ads says you're more like the hated one...Crap.

Culina - 6
As much as it pains me, I have to say that for someone with the face and head more regularily associated with driving tractors for a living he looked quite good tonight. Assured on the ball everytime he had possession, Australia seemed to have some purpose going forward. He did seem to drift in and out of the game but still one of the few half decent performances.

Sterjovski - 5
Completely annonymous. Not helped out by the bumble twins in the full back positions. Just didn't see enough action and was substituted at the start of the second half.

Bresciano -5
Cut and paste from Sterjovski.

Kewell - 6
See the thing is I know Harry didn't play well but I'm still going to give him a 6. Why? Because, despite his first touch consistently being too heavy and having the turning circle of David Unsworth he still looked like the most likely player to cause Oman any problems. He seemed to get a bit lost in the first half playing as a support striker but looked a lot better when he was peeling off to the left.

Viduka - 5
Now this is the Mark Viduka that everyone remembers. After those two goals against Singapore everyone thought that he had turned the corner after not having scored for Australia in the last 10 years. But no, fat Mark was back to his old self last night. Just because you do a couple of flick ons and back heels which leave Les Murray on the point of climax does not mean you had a good night. Never looked like scoring.

Subs

Cahill - 7
Good scrappy goal. Has to start the next game. He brings so much energy into the midfield. I'd rate the other subs but who really cares? Since neither Archie or Nicky Carle got subbed on I'm not going to do it.

Conclusion:

And now we get to see if all that time we spent blowing shit up in the Middle East with the good old US of A was worth it because we play Iraq next.

Peace out.