Friday, June 29, 2007
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Round 13
Must win game - 5th Green Street Elite vs 2nd Wrong Bet
Sunday 1st July, 8.55pm. Kick-off at the WACA
Starting IV:
Green Street Elite - Jords (gk), Ads, Des(c), Freestyler. Subs:T-man, Chook
Wrong Bet - Judeophobic 1, Judeophobic 2, Judeophobic 3 and 4
History:
22nd April (with Jords) Green Street Elite 8 - 6 Wrong Bet
27th May (without Jords) Green Street Elite 4 - 13 Wrong Bet
G.S.E. are on fire winning 4 of their past 5 matches producing 24 points.
Wrong Bet winning 2 and drawing 2 of their past 5 matches earning 19.
Predictions:
Craig Foster - Hi I'm Craig Foster, you may remember me from such films as; The English Premier League is overrated (by Craig Foster), Why won't anyone listen to me - a biography on Craig Foster (by Craig Foster) and my new hit 'Johnny Warren, why couldn't I go before you so I can be more popular'. Wrong Bet is the safe bet.
Danny Allsopp - Like Victory, G.S.E. have two quality star strikers up front. I am talking of course about Des and Freestyler, both have amazing potential and should be given more game time up front together. Green Street Elite a sure thing.
P.S. Can I play for you guys? Graham Arnold Snubbed me again.
Sunday 1st July, 8.55pm. Kick-off at the WACA
Starting IV:
Green Street Elite - Jords (gk), Ads, Des(c), Freestyler. Subs:T-man, Chook
Wrong Bet - Judeophobic 1, Judeophobic 2, Judeophobic 3 and 4
History:
22nd April (with Jords) Green Street Elite 8 - 6 Wrong Bet
27th May (without Jords) Green Street Elite 4 - 13 Wrong Bet
G.S.E. are on fire winning 4 of their past 5 matches producing 24 points.
Wrong Bet winning 2 and drawing 2 of their past 5 matches earning 19.
Predictions:
Craig Foster - Hi I'm Craig Foster, you may remember me from such films as; The English Premier League is overrated (by Craig Foster), Why won't anyone listen to me - a biography on Craig Foster (by Craig Foster) and my new hit 'Johnny Warren, why couldn't I go before you so I can be more popular'. Wrong Bet is the safe bet.
Danny Allsopp - Like Victory, G.S.E. have two quality star strikers up front. I am talking of course about Des and Freestyler, both have amazing potential and should be given more game time up front together. Green Street Elite a sure thing.
P.S. Can I play for you guys? Graham Arnold Snubbed me again.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Ads gets recognition for his wit on F365 again
I have once again been posted in the funniest football related mailbox in the world.
http://www.football365.com/mailbox/story/0,17033,8744_2447470,00.html
It's in regards to Arsenal signing Ryan Babbel.
I rock.
http://www.football365.com/mailbox/story/0,17033,8744_2447470,00.html
It's in regards to Arsenal signing Ryan Babbel.
I rock.
Golden Boot
Just wanted to update the golden boot table considering everyone else is a lazy git and I hate studying.
In the last two games the scores were 9-8 and 14-4. Two outstanding victories to the GSE.
The scorers from the first game were:
Desmond 5
Chook 4
The scorers from the second game were:
Ads 5
Freestyler 3
Tuma 3
Jords 3 (Including one from behind the half way line)
This leaves the overall golden boot looking like:
Ads 16 (5 freekicks)
Desmond 15 (3 pen)
Chook 14 (1 pen)
Jords 14 (1 clean sheet)
Tuma 6 (1 pen)
Freestyler 4
Special mention must be made of the return of Simon Cola-Lola Buffalo in goals. And also for his excellent efforts at the Night Cat on Saturday. We came, we saw, we brought it.
In the last two games the scores were 9-8 and 14-4. Two outstanding victories to the GSE.
The scorers from the first game were:
Desmond 5
Chook 4
The scorers from the second game were:
Ads 5
Freestyler 3
Tuma 3
Jords 3 (Including one from behind the half way line)
This leaves the overall golden boot looking like:
Ads 16 (5 freekicks)
Desmond 15 (3 pen)
Chook 14 (1 pen)
Jords 14 (1 clean sheet)
Tuma 6 (1 pen)
Freestyler 4
Special mention must be made of the return of Simon Cola-Lola Buffalo in goals. And also for his excellent efforts at the Night Cat on Saturday. We came, we saw, we brought it.
Acts of the Apostles: Or how I stopped defending and learned to trust Jords
Our story left off with Jords being appointed captain after the lacklustre rule of Desmond. Desmond and Jords were complete opposites as captains. Where Desmond was unorganised, late to games and refused to ever go in goals even when he was about to die from exhaustion, Jords was selfless, iron willed, a superb micro manager and the best goal keeper this side of Albert Park. Jords instantly revamped the team so there was an emphasis on hard running football with the inclusion of mercurial youngster Tuma. He would drill out instructions from his penalty box (semi circle) demanding that the GSE players lift. Often these instructions would be extremely vague such as “watch your left shoulder” (which would lead to Chook gazing at his left shoulder as an opposition player would dribble the ball past him) or “turn Ads turn”.
However, there was one early blemish during Jords’ captaincy that would make the season even more memorable. When an indoor soccer season is about 3 fixtures old the pariahs at Action Indoor decide that if you pay your registration fee (a grandiose $15 per player) your team will receive 5 bonus points up to a total of 20 bonus points maximum. In previous seasons we had always payed our registrations on time as it was often these bonus points which ensured some finals action. However, due to the teams overall laziness and the widespread belief that Apple Spice Slurpees at 7-11 were of far greater value we decided not to pay. This meant that every team in our division had a 20 point advantage on us at the start of the season.
The results at the start of the season were average. At this early stage Jords decided to place a rocket beneath the underperforming Desmond. Desmond’s performances had been consistently poor for the last couple of seasons. Only on rare occasions would he return to his former goal scoring heroics. To amend this Jords kidnapped Desmond from his house and placed him into the boot of his car. Jords then drove Desmond to Brimbank Park with the Regurgitator song “I like your old stuff better than your new stuff” playing on a constant loop. When they reached Brimbank Park Desmond was given the choice between a cold unmarked grave or improved performance for the GSE. Faced with this life or death situation Desmond realised that he was having a “Road to Damascus” moment. Swearing to Jords on a well perused Bra’s n’ Things catalogue, Desmond pledged that he would return to his old form and spearhead the GSE to finals glory.
There are few things more beautiful in life than experiencing a GSE win. The shot of adrenaline when you see Chook break clear of his marker to leave him one on one with the keeper, Desmond making a deft cutback to bamboozle some 200 pound Turkish monster, Freestyler thumping opposition players into the side netting as he battles for the ball or when Ads attempts to thunder a free kick past the opposition keeper. For a few weeks the GSE were an unbeatable team. With Jords’ faultless keeping the GSE were soon within contention of a finals spot overtaking teams who had to “buy” their position on the ladder rather than earning it.
With the close of the normal season the GSE finished 3rd. This meant that in the first week of finals we had to face DB’s. We had played DB’s twice and each time their afro haired keeper thwarted our valiant attempts to bulge the old onion bag (thanks crap Foxtel commentators). However, spurred on by Jords and some of the best long distance shooting since Portugal beat Russia 7-1 we took an early lead 4 goal buffer in the game. Early on both Ads and Chook were inspirational by netting goals from range (including a Chook trademark poor touch followed by sliding shot from half way that goes in but leads to him losing half the skin on his leg). However, in the second half our lack of match fitness (or really any fitness at all began to catch up with us). Pinned back in our defensive half DB’s managed to bring themselves back to within one goal of us. With five minutes left and GSE panicking the team decided to waste away the clock. Normally when a team attempts this approach it doesn’t work but for some reason this time we fortuitously held on to humiliate the previously unbeaten DB’s.
Now I must make a confession that I can’t remember the name of the team that we played in the final. Considering the fact that the final was only a couple of months ago and that I can still remember the look that Mario gave me when we booted him off the side 4 years ago suggests to me that I’ve been drinking too much alcohol over the last 6 months (not to mention all those recreational drugs Chook and I are on). Anyway so lets call this team Random Losers United or RLU. The game against a RLU started off with us going ahead within 5 seconds. The ball was kicked off. Tuma got the ball ran past a defender and then slammed a left footed drive. At half time we had reached the astonishing scoreline of 7-2. Jords was proving unbeatable in goals and his counterpart looked like The Hated One on the rare occasions that he used to spend goal keeping (in other words he was shit). Chook, Ads and Tuma were providing the hard running from deep with Freestyler and Desmond finishing off their work.
With two minutes gone in the second half Ads made a slaloming run down the right flank and put his shot in at the near post to give the GSE a 8-2 lead. Ads was even confident enough to celebrate his goal with a Shearer-esque hand in the air salute to the silent RLU supporters.
The rest of the game is not really something that I want to talk about. Considering the fact that we didn’t score a goal for the rest of the game and proceeded to lose 9-8. To this day that night haunts me much in the same way that AC Milan must have felt after that night in Istanbul. Jords got man of the match though and Ads and Chook cried (big strong man tears).
So that’s the history just about done. In the end this history is in itself not complete in anway. Those who lived it feel its inadequacy when they read it. They often complain to me about where was Hasan’s and that pony tail guy, what about The Hated One and his downfall with Platt’s house party, what about Lawrie Sanchez and his battle with insanity. To you the only excuse I give you is that almost all of the history was written in a drunken stupor and any mistakes are due to the limits of the author. Also to all those who criticise this work for giving an incorrect view of the events (I’m talking about you Hated One) then….
Lick my balls Totscum
I’m forever blowing bubbles
Pretty bubbles in the air
They fly so high, they reach the sky
Then like my dreams they fade and die
Fortunes always hiding I’ve looked everywhere
But I’m forever blowing bubbles
Pretty bubbles in the air
GSE, GSE, GSE
However, there was one early blemish during Jords’ captaincy that would make the season even more memorable. When an indoor soccer season is about 3 fixtures old the pariahs at Action Indoor decide that if you pay your registration fee (a grandiose $15 per player) your team will receive 5 bonus points up to a total of 20 bonus points maximum. In previous seasons we had always payed our registrations on time as it was often these bonus points which ensured some finals action. However, due to the teams overall laziness and the widespread belief that Apple Spice Slurpees at 7-11 were of far greater value we decided not to pay. This meant that every team in our division had a 20 point advantage on us at the start of the season.
The results at the start of the season were average. At this early stage Jords decided to place a rocket beneath the underperforming Desmond. Desmond’s performances had been consistently poor for the last couple of seasons. Only on rare occasions would he return to his former goal scoring heroics. To amend this Jords kidnapped Desmond from his house and placed him into the boot of his car. Jords then drove Desmond to Brimbank Park with the Regurgitator song “I like your old stuff better than your new stuff” playing on a constant loop. When they reached Brimbank Park Desmond was given the choice between a cold unmarked grave or improved performance for the GSE. Faced with this life or death situation Desmond realised that he was having a “Road to Damascus” moment. Swearing to Jords on a well perused Bra’s n’ Things catalogue, Desmond pledged that he would return to his old form and spearhead the GSE to finals glory.
There are few things more beautiful in life than experiencing a GSE win. The shot of adrenaline when you see Chook break clear of his marker to leave him one on one with the keeper, Desmond making a deft cutback to bamboozle some 200 pound Turkish monster, Freestyler thumping opposition players into the side netting as he battles for the ball or when Ads attempts to thunder a free kick past the opposition keeper. For a few weeks the GSE were an unbeatable team. With Jords’ faultless keeping the GSE were soon within contention of a finals spot overtaking teams who had to “buy” their position on the ladder rather than earning it.
With the close of the normal season the GSE finished 3rd. This meant that in the first week of finals we had to face DB’s. We had played DB’s twice and each time their afro haired keeper thwarted our valiant attempts to bulge the old onion bag (thanks crap Foxtel commentators). However, spurred on by Jords and some of the best long distance shooting since Portugal beat Russia 7-1 we took an early lead 4 goal buffer in the game. Early on both Ads and Chook were inspirational by netting goals from range (including a Chook trademark poor touch followed by sliding shot from half way that goes in but leads to him losing half the skin on his leg). However, in the second half our lack of match fitness (or really any fitness at all began to catch up with us). Pinned back in our defensive half DB’s managed to bring themselves back to within one goal of us. With five minutes left and GSE panicking the team decided to waste away the clock. Normally when a team attempts this approach it doesn’t work but for some reason this time we fortuitously held on to humiliate the previously unbeaten DB’s.
Now I must make a confession that I can’t remember the name of the team that we played in the final. Considering the fact that the final was only a couple of months ago and that I can still remember the look that Mario gave me when we booted him off the side 4 years ago suggests to me that I’ve been drinking too much alcohol over the last 6 months (not to mention all those recreational drugs Chook and I are on). Anyway so lets call this team Random Losers United or RLU. The game against a RLU started off with us going ahead within 5 seconds. The ball was kicked off. Tuma got the ball ran past a defender and then slammed a left footed drive. At half time we had reached the astonishing scoreline of 7-2. Jords was proving unbeatable in goals and his counterpart looked like The Hated One on the rare occasions that he used to spend goal keeping (in other words he was shit). Chook, Ads and Tuma were providing the hard running from deep with Freestyler and Desmond finishing off their work.
With two minutes gone in the second half Ads made a slaloming run down the right flank and put his shot in at the near post to give the GSE a 8-2 lead. Ads was even confident enough to celebrate his goal with a Shearer-esque hand in the air salute to the silent RLU supporters.
The rest of the game is not really something that I want to talk about. Considering the fact that we didn’t score a goal for the rest of the game and proceeded to lose 9-8. To this day that night haunts me much in the same way that AC Milan must have felt after that night in Istanbul. Jords got man of the match though and Ads and Chook cried (big strong man tears).
So that’s the history just about done. In the end this history is in itself not complete in anway. Those who lived it feel its inadequacy when they read it. They often complain to me about where was Hasan’s and that pony tail guy, what about The Hated One and his downfall with Platt’s house party, what about Lawrie Sanchez and his battle with insanity. To you the only excuse I give you is that almost all of the history was written in a drunken stupor and any mistakes are due to the limits of the author. Also to all those who criticise this work for giving an incorrect view of the events (I’m talking about you Hated One) then….
Lick my balls Totscum
I’m forever blowing bubbles
Pretty bubbles in the air
They fly so high, they reach the sky
Then like my dreams they fade and die
Fortunes always hiding I’ve looked everywhere
But I’m forever blowing bubbles
Pretty bubbles in the air
GSE, GSE, GSE
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Round 12
Where is the Round 11 Match Report?
Round 12 Blockbuster: 5th Placed Green Street Elite v 2nd Placed Gullentry
Sunday 24th June 6.30pm Kick-off at the WACA venue
Starting IV Line-up:
Green Street Elite: Ads (c), Jords (vc), Condon, T-man. Subs: Jords Bro.*
Gullentry: transsexual 1, transsexual 2, transsexual 3, transsexual 4.
History;
Last Time we met: (20th May) Green Street Elite 5 - 10 Gullentry
Head to Head: Green Street Elite have won 3 of their past 5 matches gaining 19 points.
Gullentry have won 2 drawn 1 of their last 5 matches gaining 16 points.
Predictions;
Craig Foster - GSE will go no where technically and tactically if they continue to refuse the services of Guus Hiddink. Guus and The Hated One are the only ones that can save GSE now, 20-nil victory to Gullentry.
Tony Polumbo - L'elite verde della via è molto un tecnico ed il lato tattico quello di CA ed a Milano inter del Serie A. Gullentry non ha probabilità 10 - vittoria di zero per il GSE.
*Other Possible replacements; Rod, Simon and The Hated One
Chook is out visiting his Blow-up Doll Cheerleader in Adelaide once again.
Captain Des is also out in Adelaide drinking skinny latté’s at Rundal Mall and getting heavily intoxicated at Wayne Carey's Playboy Villa in the Adelaide Hills.
Round 12 Blockbuster: 5th Placed Green Street Elite v 2nd Placed Gullentry
Sunday 24th June 6.30pm Kick-off at the WACA venue
Starting IV Line-up:
Green Street Elite: Ads (c), Jords (vc), Condon, T-man. Subs: Jords Bro.*
Gullentry: transsexual 1, transsexual 2, transsexual 3, transsexual 4.
History;
Last Time we met: (20th May) Green Street Elite 5 - 10 Gullentry
Head to Head: Green Street Elite have won 3 of their past 5 matches gaining 19 points.
Gullentry have won 2 drawn 1 of their last 5 matches gaining 16 points.
Predictions;
Craig Foster - GSE will go no where technically and tactically if they continue to refuse the services of Guus Hiddink. Guus and The Hated One are the only ones that can save GSE now, 20-nil victory to Gullentry.
Tony Polumbo - L'elite verde della via è molto un tecnico ed il lato tattico quello di CA ed a Milano inter del Serie A. Gullentry non ha probabilità 10 - vittoria di zero per il GSE.
*Other Possible replacements; Rod, Simon and The Hated One
Chook is out visiting his Blow-up Doll Cheerleader in Adelaide once again.
Captain Des is also out in Adelaide drinking skinny latté’s at Rundal Mall and getting heavily intoxicated at Wayne Carey's Playboy Villa in the Adelaide Hills.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Tevez close to signing new West Ham contract
Bruno'd from Sporting Life
West Ham striker Carlos Tevez is reportedly on the verge of agreeing a new deal to remain at Upton Park for next season.
Hammers chairman Eggert Magnusson is desperate to keep the Argentinian star after his heroics almost single-handedly kept the club up last season.
The deal for the 23-year-old to remain in east London for a further campaign would reportedly cost a huge £9million, but that figure will not deter Magnusson, who saw a big-money swoop for Charlton's Darren Bent fall through last week when the England striker decided against a move across the capital.
Liverpool and Manchester United are known admirers of the playmaker, while Inter Milan are rumoured to have made a £32million bid.
However, a "top source" told the News of the World: "Mr Magnusson has pulled out all the stops to keep Carlos for at least another season.
"The package will cost £9million in wages and payments to his owner Kia Joorabchian but the chairman is convinced the deal is done."
He added Maagnusson wanted to "do whatever it takes to make the fans happy".
West Ham striker Carlos Tevez is reportedly on the verge of agreeing a new deal to remain at Upton Park for next season.
Hammers chairman Eggert Magnusson is desperate to keep the Argentinian star after his heroics almost single-handedly kept the club up last season.
The deal for the 23-year-old to remain in east London for a further campaign would reportedly cost a huge £9million, but that figure will not deter Magnusson, who saw a big-money swoop for Charlton's Darren Bent fall through last week when the England striker decided against a move across the capital.
Liverpool and Manchester United are known admirers of the playmaker, while Inter Milan are rumoured to have made a £32million bid.
However, a "top source" told the News of the World: "Mr Magnusson has pulled out all the stops to keep Carlos for at least another season.
"The package will cost £9million in wages and payments to his owner Kia Joorabchian but the chairman is convinced the deal is done."
He added Maagnusson wanted to "do whatever it takes to make the fans happy".
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Dear Damo
Just sent this to the great man himself, Damien Lovelock. Will keep everyone informed on any correspondence.
Dear Damo,
I know that you are a connoisseur of all things football (unlike that impostor Craig Foster (see what I did their? It rhymes…clever me)). Every Sunday on The World Game you impart on Australia a portion of your football and pop culture knowledge (where else are you going to hear Jack Mundey’s name on TV every week?). It is for this reason that I implore you to draw attention to the glorious school of hard knocks that is Tullamarine Action Indoor Soccer.
Our Indoor Soccer team, the indomitable Green Street Elite, have battled on year after year since 2003 attempting to claim the golden chalice that is a divisional championship. Alas we have reached 3 Grand Finals and lost all 3 (including one when we were 7-2 ahead at half time and lost 8-7). In an attempt to halt this finals hoodoo the team decided at the start of this season to chronicle our (mis) adventures on our very own blogspot along with other football news. It was believed that by increasing our following over the net that we would consequentially increase the pride that comes from wearing the snowy white GSE shirt.
Basically, what we ask from you is your patronage. With you as an honorary figure head for the team there is no doubt that performances will lift, where we will play out of the fear of failing you (to paraphrase Eric Cantona).
So if possible drop me and the boys a line at http://gse-fleshlight.blogspot.com
Yours in Football
Ads
Dear Damo,
I know that you are a connoisseur of all things football (unlike that impostor Craig Foster (see what I did their? It rhymes…clever me)). Every Sunday on The World Game you impart on Australia a portion of your football and pop culture knowledge (where else are you going to hear Jack Mundey’s name on TV every week?). It is for this reason that I implore you to draw attention to the glorious school of hard knocks that is Tullamarine Action Indoor Soccer.
Our Indoor Soccer team, the indomitable Green Street Elite, have battled on year after year since 2003 attempting to claim the golden chalice that is a divisional championship. Alas we have reached 3 Grand Finals and lost all 3 (including one when we were 7-2 ahead at half time and lost 8-7). In an attempt to halt this finals hoodoo the team decided at the start of this season to chronicle our (mis) adventures on our very own blogspot along with other football news. It was believed that by increasing our following over the net that we would consequentially increase the pride that comes from wearing the snowy white GSE shirt.
Basically, what we ask from you is your patronage. With you as an honorary figure head for the team there is no doubt that performances will lift, where we will play out of the fear of failing you (to paraphrase Eric Cantona).
So if possible drop me and the boys a line at http://gse-fleshlight.blogspot.com
Yours in Football
Ads
Patafta in line for Victory - SBS
The player touted as the next Harry Kewell - Australian youth international - Kaz Patafta - has confirmed he's considering a deal to join Melbourne Victory in the A-League next season.The 18-year-old, who trained with the Socceroos' World Cup squad last year and is currently on the books at Benfica, is due to have discussions next week with the Portuguese club to sort out his playing future.And in a bid to play regular first-team football Patafta won't rule out a move to the Victory. "The next step at the moment for me is to make the transition to senior-level football," Patafta told SBS from Portugal."As a player you try to find the best environment to suit you, and whether it's in Australia or whether it's here in Europe, in Portugal, I'm going to see what comes from these talks and take it from there."Portuguese media are reporting that Benfica has agreed a 50,000 euro ($A75,000) loan deal with Melbourne.The Victory declined to confirm the negotiations, saying it only released information once a deal was complete.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Ads' Letters to the Corinthians
With Cold as Ice cruelly destroying DSU in their first grand final there was a renewed determination within the team to reach the pinnacle of the indoor soccer world. So in the following season we once again reached the grand final and once again we got smashed. This time by some random team who despite defeating us 8-3 was decidedly average with their only saving grace being that they could run (and we were too lazy to run). This was a thoroughly underwhelming performance as it was believed that this was the season that the DSU could finally win an elusive indoor soccer divisional title.
With two runner up trophies sitting (mocking him) on his mantel piece at home, Ads decided that he could never again perform the humiliating task of giving a losing captain’s speech. Ads quit the captaincy and asked for nominations to succeed him. The only player with the necessary experience and vigour to become a DSU captain was Desmond. However, Desmond was in the middle of his tenure as a NUS OB and he refused to take on the more prestigious role as captain of DSU. In an attempt to sway his opinion Ads and Chook sneaked into Desmond’s office in Trades Hall and proceeded to download a massive amount of porn (including that one with the eels) onto his computer. It was expected that Desmond would get sacked for this indiscretion but this failed to materialise due to the widespread debauchery and decadence that already existed in the NUS office. In an act of desperation Ads and Chook forged Desmond’s signature on the nomination form and Desmond was elected unopposed as captain of DSU.
With The Hated One truly gone (defecting to the now defunct Metro Stars FC) it was decided that the name of the team Dynamo Spurs United should be changed. Ads and Chook drew upon their knowledge of the Irons and their love of popular culture to rename the team the Green Street Elite (GSE). GSE was the name given to the West Ham firm in the moderately successful post hobbit Elijah Wood film ‘Green Street Hooligans’.
With a new team name and a new captain in place expectations were high. However, much to the disgust of Ads and Chook, Desmond continued to concentrate on his duties at NUS (flying to the Gold Coast, drinking skinny latté’s on Lygon Street and getting heavily intoxicated in his office). With the team falling apart Ads and Chook called an emergency meeting where they sacked Desmond and appointed Chook as the new indoor captain. Chook managed to recover slightly and the team staggered into the finals where they were decisively beaten by Conte’s team in a semi final where Ads was injured in the first 10 minutes with no substitutes on the bench.
The team realised at the end of this season that it had only Ads, Chook and Freestyler as regular players. The list of casualties from the SBC Gunnerz days was comprehensive: Mario, Zammit, Lawrie Sanchez, Fat Petar, The Hated One, Rods and now Desmond. Craig Foster stated that perhaps the reason for such an exodus of players was because of Ads and Chooks poor interpersonal skills and their lack of focus on the technical and tactical aspects of the game (Craig Foster was promptly told to go sodomise Tony Palombo). In a public spat with the TWG (The World Game) team there was also a physical altercation between Chook and Andrew Orsati in a post game interview which led the GSE to be banned from SBS football coverage (when SBS had lost the television rights to the English Premier League to Foxtel they had initially planned on airing all of the GSE’s games).
It was now evident that if Chook and Ads did not find a new captain that the GSE would be doomed. They turned to the man who at one stage driven them to the very edge of glory as an award winning keeper, Jords. The only element preventing Jords from becoming captain was his record deal with independent rap/hip-hop label Fat Can’ts which specifically prevented him from becoming captain of any indoor soccer teams. To release Jords from his contract Ads and Chook entered Freestyler into an MMesque (8 Mile, yes what a great film) MC competition which he proceeded to win.
With Jords now a free agent, he was elected unopposed as captain of GSE. His leadership would bring on a new golden era for the team which would be forever known as “the Halcyon Days”.
With two runner up trophies sitting (mocking him) on his mantel piece at home, Ads decided that he could never again perform the humiliating task of giving a losing captain’s speech. Ads quit the captaincy and asked for nominations to succeed him. The only player with the necessary experience and vigour to become a DSU captain was Desmond. However, Desmond was in the middle of his tenure as a NUS OB and he refused to take on the more prestigious role as captain of DSU. In an attempt to sway his opinion Ads and Chook sneaked into Desmond’s office in Trades Hall and proceeded to download a massive amount of porn (including that one with the eels) onto his computer. It was expected that Desmond would get sacked for this indiscretion but this failed to materialise due to the widespread debauchery and decadence that already existed in the NUS office. In an act of desperation Ads and Chook forged Desmond’s signature on the nomination form and Desmond was elected unopposed as captain of DSU.
With The Hated One truly gone (defecting to the now defunct Metro Stars FC) it was decided that the name of the team Dynamo Spurs United should be changed. Ads and Chook drew upon their knowledge of the Irons and their love of popular culture to rename the team the Green Street Elite (GSE). GSE was the name given to the West Ham firm in the moderately successful post hobbit Elijah Wood film ‘Green Street Hooligans’.
With a new team name and a new captain in place expectations were high. However, much to the disgust of Ads and Chook, Desmond continued to concentrate on his duties at NUS (flying to the Gold Coast, drinking skinny latté’s on Lygon Street and getting heavily intoxicated in his office). With the team falling apart Ads and Chook called an emergency meeting where they sacked Desmond and appointed Chook as the new indoor captain. Chook managed to recover slightly and the team staggered into the finals where they were decisively beaten by Conte’s team in a semi final where Ads was injured in the first 10 minutes with no substitutes on the bench.
The team realised at the end of this season that it had only Ads, Chook and Freestyler as regular players. The list of casualties from the SBC Gunnerz days was comprehensive: Mario, Zammit, Lawrie Sanchez, Fat Petar, The Hated One, Rods and now Desmond. Craig Foster stated that perhaps the reason for such an exodus of players was because of Ads and Chooks poor interpersonal skills and their lack of focus on the technical and tactical aspects of the game (Craig Foster was promptly told to go sodomise Tony Palombo). In a public spat with the TWG (The World Game) team there was also a physical altercation between Chook and Andrew Orsati in a post game interview which led the GSE to be banned from SBS football coverage (when SBS had lost the television rights to the English Premier League to Foxtel they had initially planned on airing all of the GSE’s games).
It was now evident that if Chook and Ads did not find a new captain that the GSE would be doomed. They turned to the man who at one stage driven them to the very edge of glory as an award winning keeper, Jords. The only element preventing Jords from becoming captain was his record deal with independent rap/hip-hop label Fat Can’ts which specifically prevented him from becoming captain of any indoor soccer teams. To release Jords from his contract Ads and Chook entered Freestyler into an MMesque (8 Mile, yes what a great film) MC competition which he proceeded to win.
With Jords now a free agent, he was elected unopposed as captain of GSE. His leadership would bring on a new golden era for the team which would be forever known as “the Halcyon Days”.
Round 11
5th Place Green Street Elite v 3rd placed M.E.A.T
Line-up;
Green Street Elite - Des (c), Condon*1, Jords, Ads, Chook, Tuema*2 and Russell*3
M.E.A.T. - Homo 1, Homo 2, Homo 3 and Homo 4
*1 may still be out with injury
*2 could miss the match due to VCE
*3 will only play if guarenteed a spot in Goals (when Jordan goes back to Geelong)
Stats;
Last Time we met: (13th May) Green Street Elite 9 - 10 M.E.A.T.
Head to Head: Green Street Elite have won 2 of their past 5 matches gaining 15 points.
M.E.A.T. have won 4 of their past 5 matches gaining 24 points
Predictions;
Craig Foster - M.E.A.T. are a very technical/tactical side. Last time they met they won 10-9 and i predict the same score.
'The Chief' Roy Keane - M.E.A.T.'s only loss was against Ammoss, which GSE hummiliated 17-nil. Green Street Elite easy winners.
New Captain for GSE?
(image: current captain Des has been the centre of attention in recent weeks)
There have been an number of reports to suggest that Green Street Elite will sack current captain/coach Desmond after just two months on the job, following a string of poor results.
The G.S.E. Board accepted the reccomendation of a fact-finding committee which conducted a two-week-long investigation into the team's Division 7 Blue performance, which the whites failed to register a win between the rounds 4 to 8 of the current tournament.
Elite, a world-renowned club with 3 Runners-up Trophies and 7 finals appearances, have recently suffered a series of humiliating defeats and were knocked out of the top 4 with an embarrassing loss to second placed, unfacied side Wrong Bet.
Des is set to be temporarily replaced as acting captain/coach by fans favourite Jords, previously a successful GSE captain and a senior member of the coaching and playing staff.
Jords, (refusing to be photographed), had replaced Ads last season at the helm of the most celebrated Indoor Club in SBC and post-SBC history. The Egyptian has had a glamorous resume of being a starter for Geelong based side Fags United and a coaching stint at North Western Division Hockey which bares no significance to his fellow GSE members.
GSE are currently second from the bottom 22 points behind Ammoss in the Division 7 Blue league but the return of the big man Jords to the line-up last week sparked a revivial with an outstanding 17-nil thrashing against the top team. The win opened up fresh talks to overthrow the complacent Captain.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Match Report - GSE vs Ammoss
And so it was, GSE's day of reckoning. A date with destiny. A match for the ages. With the season on the line, GSE journeyed to the GABBA for a meeting with the fearsome "Ammoss", the top team in the division.
With captain Desmond under pressure to turn around a run of calamitous results or face the bullet mid season (for the second time in his indoor career), there was a lot at stake both on and off the field. Fleshlight ® ™ © have been reviewing sponsorship after a bad correlation in sales and the success of GSE on the field. In this time of crisis, Desmond convinced former GSE captain, hip-hop legend and Egyptian superstar, Jords, to pull on the GSE jersey again for a short term winter loan contract. F.A.G.S Utd of Geelong were reluctant to part with the superstar, but when offered the 10% KFC discount, plus RJ's every Tuesday for F.A.G.S Utd players free of charge from Chook, the deal was done.
The team was hit with bad news the day of the match with the withdrawal of Freestyler with an ankle injury after a robust challenge in an intra-club match for his outfoor team Metrosexuals FC. Doctors described the injury as "cankle like", where there was no discernable difference between the calf ending and the ankle beginning. Freestyler's contribution to the team this season has been mixed - of late his attempt to remodel himself as a defensive midfielder type have rendered only 1 goal in his past 3 appearances, and a decrease in number of stepover/hurdles fans can expect to see in a GSE game. His willingness to fill in as keeper on a rotational basis has seen some incredible saves (including with the face) but also some below par efforts with the gloves (club doctors have put this down to gross fatigue).
The stage was set for one of GSE's favourite sons to return to the fold. Teuma, the youngster currently enrolled in the Gambin/Samanna school of technical players, has been honing his skills on the drought ravaged pitches of SBC champing at the bit for a senior return. Some will remember his heroics in the great victory vs Cold as Ice, a game that has gone down in history as GSE's finest win.
Mindful of a recent record of only 8 points in 5 matches, and facing a team who not only defeated them 7-3 last time, but had amassed 29 points in a similar period, GSE went into the game as underdogs. Ammoss, a team 12 points clear at the top of the table, and a massive 30 points clear of GSE, packed a menacing sight, more so with the revelation of a new signing from Turkish superclub Galatasaray between the sticks.
With Crystal meth user and Ben Cousins look-alike Chook under a drug induced haze, Teuma was forced to start the match alongside regular First IV Ads and Desmond. GSE started the game brightly, creating several chances before Teuma opened the scoring in his return match. GSE soon raced to a 4-0 lead with Desmond adding a couple of goals before substituting himself after receiving a knock in a 50-50 challenge. The half ended at 5 or 6-0, a scoreboard error and an inexperienced ref adding to some confusion for your intrepid reporter. Ammoss were in disarray, either through arrogance or the lack of their one true marquee player, they truly were "a mess" (boom-tish) and were playing like Marquee FC, a team essentially comprised of GSE rejects, including the Hated One. Ammoss took the unorthodox step of bringing their star signing, Galatasaray's number 3 back-up youth keeper onto the field to play as a striker (evidently hoping for some Chilavert-like wizardry) after half time.
So began a second half where the vision pioneered by Ads many seasons ago (Total Quality Management) came to fruition on the pitch. Chook and Ads began to dominate the match, some crisp interplay and passing, with usual goal-scorer Desmond turning goal-provider for several goals. Teuma's hard running and phsyicality began to raise the ire of several Ammoss players, who began to target the youngster with some dirty tackles. After several scuffles and cheap frees it was left to Ads to restore order with a crunching tackle and Roy Keane/Chook like stare after stamping his authority. The only blemish on what was turing into a sparkling display was a brief period where, upon hearing fans referring to the Golden Boot tally, players turned selfish infront of goal, resulting in several certain goals turning into missed opportunities.
After stern words from keeper Jordan to "forget your fucking golden shoe", GSE began to play as a team again. The highlight was when Desmond, after a sarcastic roll out by the opposition keeper straight to his feet, taunting him to put it past him for a cheap goal, resisted the dollar signs in the back of the net and the glory of the golden boot trophy, calmly passed it back to the opposition keeper. Jords, who was on track for only his second clean sheet as indoor keeper, and hard hardly been forced into a real save, was put under pressure by some crazy defending by Ads. A relatively tame shot was almost turned into an own goal not seen since the "Freestyler free kick debacle" of late 2006. Ads, attempting to control a long range shot by Chilavert, succeeded only in deflecting the ball low and towards the bottom right corner of Jords' goal. Fortunately his cat-like reflexes had not adandoned him during his time at F.A.G.S Utd, and Jords made a spectacular, if not relatively easy save. After converting a penalty, to his customary left of the keeper, Desmond was substituted off, prompting a reshuffle. Ads moved into goals, charged with maintaining the clean sheet, and Jords moved forward in search goals. He found one almost immediately, unleashing a fearsome right foot strike to the keepers' left. With a final penalty conversion by Chook to make it 17-0, the ref blew for full time, prompting a relieved sigh from the Ammoss keeper of, "thank god, finally..". With the clean sheet intact, prodigal son Jords was awarded MVP.
GSE are back it seems, in a major way. So surprised at the ease of their victory, questions were raised as to whether the opposition were in fact the top team. After consultation with League Administrators at Action Indoor Tullamarine, it has been revealed it was indeed Ammoss who took the field that day, copping a 17-0 hiding. With Jords' loan stint fast drawing to a close, and the probable loss of Teuma with him, will replacement keeper Russell, plucked by scouts from the obscure Bunnings League, be able to fill the hole? Will Freestyler's time at Metrosexuals FC hinder his performance for GSE? One thing seems certain if GSE can keep up this run of form - finals football, and a chance to break a hoodoo of 3 grand final losses. And what of the speculation surrounding Desmond's leadership? surely gone now.
Stats:
Starting IV:
Goals
Jords 1
Ads 5
Teuma 3
Desmond (c) 4*
Bench:
Chook 4*
TOTAL: 17
*includes 1 penalty each.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golden Boot:
Jords - 11*
Ads - 11 (5 freekicks)
Desmond - 10 (2 pens)
Chook - 10 (1 pen)
Teuma - 3
Freestyler - 1
*includes bonus 10 goals for clean sheet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ladder:
P W L D Pts
Ammoss 10 7 2 1 65
Gullentry 9 4 3 1 53
Wrong Bet 9 3 3 3 52
M.E.A.T 9 5 2 1 51
Green Street Elite 10 4 5 0 43
Pain Train *******unknown*******
With captain Desmond under pressure to turn around a run of calamitous results or face the bullet mid season (for the second time in his indoor career), there was a lot at stake both on and off the field. Fleshlight ® ™ © have been reviewing sponsorship after a bad correlation in sales and the success of GSE on the field. In this time of crisis, Desmond convinced former GSE captain, hip-hop legend and Egyptian superstar, Jords, to pull on the GSE jersey again for a short term winter loan contract. F.A.G.S Utd of Geelong were reluctant to part with the superstar, but when offered the 10% KFC discount, plus RJ's every Tuesday for F.A.G.S Utd players free of charge from Chook, the deal was done.
The team was hit with bad news the day of the match with the withdrawal of Freestyler with an ankle injury after a robust challenge in an intra-club match for his outfoor team Metrosexuals FC. Doctors described the injury as "cankle like", where there was no discernable difference between the calf ending and the ankle beginning. Freestyler's contribution to the team this season has been mixed - of late his attempt to remodel himself as a defensive midfielder type have rendered only 1 goal in his past 3 appearances, and a decrease in number of stepover/hurdles fans can expect to see in a GSE game. His willingness to fill in as keeper on a rotational basis has seen some incredible saves (including with the face) but also some below par efforts with the gloves (club doctors have put this down to gross fatigue).
The stage was set for one of GSE's favourite sons to return to the fold. Teuma, the youngster currently enrolled in the Gambin/Samanna school of technical players, has been honing his skills on the drought ravaged pitches of SBC champing at the bit for a senior return. Some will remember his heroics in the great victory vs Cold as Ice, a game that has gone down in history as GSE's finest win.
Mindful of a recent record of only 8 points in 5 matches, and facing a team who not only defeated them 7-3 last time, but had amassed 29 points in a similar period, GSE went into the game as underdogs. Ammoss, a team 12 points clear at the top of the table, and a massive 30 points clear of GSE, packed a menacing sight, more so with the revelation of a new signing from Turkish superclub Galatasaray between the sticks.
With Crystal meth user and Ben Cousins look-alike Chook under a drug induced haze, Teuma was forced to start the match alongside regular First IV Ads and Desmond. GSE started the game brightly, creating several chances before Teuma opened the scoring in his return match. GSE soon raced to a 4-0 lead with Desmond adding a couple of goals before substituting himself after receiving a knock in a 50-50 challenge. The half ended at 5 or 6-0, a scoreboard error and an inexperienced ref adding to some confusion for your intrepid reporter. Ammoss were in disarray, either through arrogance or the lack of their one true marquee player, they truly were "a mess" (boom-tish) and were playing like Marquee FC, a team essentially comprised of GSE rejects, including the Hated One. Ammoss took the unorthodox step of bringing their star signing, Galatasaray's number 3 back-up youth keeper onto the field to play as a striker (evidently hoping for some Chilavert-like wizardry) after half time.
So began a second half where the vision pioneered by Ads many seasons ago (Total Quality Management) came to fruition on the pitch. Chook and Ads began to dominate the match, some crisp interplay and passing, with usual goal-scorer Desmond turning goal-provider for several goals. Teuma's hard running and phsyicality began to raise the ire of several Ammoss players, who began to target the youngster with some dirty tackles. After several scuffles and cheap frees it was left to Ads to restore order with a crunching tackle and Roy Keane/Chook like stare after stamping his authority. The only blemish on what was turing into a sparkling display was a brief period where, upon hearing fans referring to the Golden Boot tally, players turned selfish infront of goal, resulting in several certain goals turning into missed opportunities.
After stern words from keeper Jordan to "forget your fucking golden shoe", GSE began to play as a team again. The highlight was when Desmond, after a sarcastic roll out by the opposition keeper straight to his feet, taunting him to put it past him for a cheap goal, resisted the dollar signs in the back of the net and the glory of the golden boot trophy, calmly passed it back to the opposition keeper. Jords, who was on track for only his second clean sheet as indoor keeper, and hard hardly been forced into a real save, was put under pressure by some crazy defending by Ads. A relatively tame shot was almost turned into an own goal not seen since the "Freestyler free kick debacle" of late 2006. Ads, attempting to control a long range shot by Chilavert, succeeded only in deflecting the ball low and towards the bottom right corner of Jords' goal. Fortunately his cat-like reflexes had not adandoned him during his time at F.A.G.S Utd, and Jords made a spectacular, if not relatively easy save. After converting a penalty, to his customary left of the keeper, Desmond was substituted off, prompting a reshuffle. Ads moved into goals, charged with maintaining the clean sheet, and Jords moved forward in search goals. He found one almost immediately, unleashing a fearsome right foot strike to the keepers' left. With a final penalty conversion by Chook to make it 17-0, the ref blew for full time, prompting a relieved sigh from the Ammoss keeper of, "thank god, finally..". With the clean sheet intact, prodigal son Jords was awarded MVP.
GSE are back it seems, in a major way. So surprised at the ease of their victory, questions were raised as to whether the opposition were in fact the top team. After consultation with League Administrators at Action Indoor Tullamarine, it has been revealed it was indeed Ammoss who took the field that day, copping a 17-0 hiding. With Jords' loan stint fast drawing to a close, and the probable loss of Teuma with him, will replacement keeper Russell, plucked by scouts from the obscure Bunnings League, be able to fill the hole? Will Freestyler's time at Metrosexuals FC hinder his performance for GSE? One thing seems certain if GSE can keep up this run of form - finals football, and a chance to break a hoodoo of 3 grand final losses. And what of the speculation surrounding Desmond's leadership? surely gone now.
Stats:
Starting IV:
Goals
Jords 1
Ads 5
Teuma 3
Desmond (c) 4*
Bench:
Chook 4*
TOTAL: 17
*includes 1 penalty each.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golden Boot:
Jords - 11*
Ads - 11 (5 freekicks)
Desmond - 10 (2 pens)
Chook - 10 (1 pen)
Teuma - 3
Freestyler - 1
*includes bonus 10 goals for clean sheet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ladder:
P W L D Pts
Ammoss 10 7 2 1 65
Gullentry 9 4 3 1 53
Wrong Bet 9 3 3 3 52
M.E.A.T 9 5 2 1 51
Green Street Elite 10 4 5 0 43
Pain Train *******unknown*******
Saturday, June 9, 2007
Round 10
Seeing how i skipped nightcat and opted to study (even though i watched lionsvdogs; go akker) I should post the up coming match.
Round 10 Blockbuster
5th placed Green Street Elite v 1st placed Ammoss
Sunday 10th June 7.10pm kickoff
Players;
Green Street Elite - Ads, Des (c) , Freestyler, Jords, Chook and Russell*
Ammoss - Fag 1, Fag 2, Fag 3 and Fag 4 (Yet to be named)
Head to Head
Last time we met: Green Street Elite 3 - 7 Ammoss
Ammoss have gained 29 points from their last 5 matches
Green Street Elite have made 8 points in our last 5 matches
Everyone post your tactics and predictions in the comments section
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Asian Cup Squad Picked
Goalkeepers: Mark Schwarzer, Brad Jones, Michael Petkovic.
Defenders: Lucas Neill, Brett Emerton, Michael Beauchamp, Michael Thwaite, Mark Milligan, Patrick Kisnorbo.
Midfielders: Mark Bresciano, Harry Kewell, Tim Cahill, Vince Grella, Mile Sterjovski, Luke Wilkshire, Jason Culina, Carl Valeri, Nick Carle, David Carney.
Forwards: Mark Viduka, John Aloisi, Archie Thompson, Brett Holman.
Defenders: Lucas Neill, Brett Emerton, Michael Beauchamp, Michael Thwaite, Mark Milligan, Patrick Kisnorbo.
Midfielders: Mark Bresciano, Harry Kewell, Tim Cahill, Vince Grella, Mile Sterjovski, Luke Wilkshire, Jason Culina, Carl Valeri, Nick Carle, David Carney.
Forwards: Mark Viduka, John Aloisi, Archie Thompson, Brett Holman.
The Bible According to Ads - Good one Desmond Numbers is after Leviticus now I am definitely going to hell.
This addition of the bible must open on a sad note. It was brought to my attention that St Bernard’s College have admitted that they plan on letting a small amount of girls to enrol in Years 11 and 12. So ends 67 years of quasi homoerotic school tradition.
Arguably one of the key players in the DSU’s drive towards finals glory was Desmond. It was during this period that he took a spiritual sabbatical to Rome to converse with the new Pope. He returned as a completely new player. Before, he always would attempt to pass the ball off to someone else instead of shooting (trying to set up Arsenal type goals). But now he became a shooting machine scoring goals from all over the court. This metamorphous gave the DSU the most potent striker in the league. Added to this was Desmond’s steely nerve which he used to great effect to become the teams designated penalty taker.
The first two finals series that we participated in highlighted two overriding facts. The first being that we lost (got smashed) both semi finals and a phenomena known as finals fever occurred. Finals fever was a situation where every single player believed in their divine right to play in finals irrespective of the fact that they had not appeared in a game in the last two months. Players who suffered from finals fever were often greeted with “Rod…fancy seeing you here. I thought you were dead.” This meant that for these two finals we played with 7 or 8 players a level well above optimum. After defeat two seasons in a row in the finals Chook decided to resign his position as captain as he once again became overwhelmed with self loathing, alcohol and recreational drugs. It was stipulated at the time that the reason behind Chook resigning the captaincy was that at the semi final loss he had received a random drug test and had tested positive to a number of performance enhancing and recreational drugs.
It was at this time that Ads decided to step up and become captain of DSU. Ads immediately implemented a TQM (Total Quality Management) approach to the team. This meant that those players who weren’t quality were slowly ostracised and left out. The core of the team now consisted of Ads, Chook, Desmond, Freestyler, Jords and Tuma. Tuma was recruited by Jords when it became evident that the team needed more players.
The departures from the team are supposedly meant to be dealt with in an article by team President Desmond (that’s if he can get off of his fat arse and write something instead of making YL phone calls all night) so I’ll leave that to the great man.
It was during Ads’ first season that the team encountered the team that would plague DSU’s existence, Cold as Ice. Cold as Ice consisted of an awesome keeper, a short guy who had an incredible shot and who could turn on a 20c coin, a couple of other random hacks and the Fat Man. The Fat Man possessed arguably the best two feet in the indoor world despite them being attached to a body that was more suited to an American Hot Dog eating champion. Cold as Ice are to this day the best indoor soccer team that I have ever played against.
Ads’ first season in charge had gotten off to a mediocre start. Sitting just out of the top 4 the team had been on the receiving end of some spankings (especially an 11-3 loss to Cold as Ice). With some members of the team losing confidence in Ads’ leadership qualities he knew that a win in the next game was essential to make it to finals. The only problem was that we were playing against Cold as Ice. This game would go down as the single greatest indoor soccer game in the history of the world. Five minutes before the game started it was found out that Chook could not play as he had gone to sleep because he was feeling dizzy and then woke up in Adelaide in bed with an inflatable doll in a cheerleader uniform. Without Chook the team desperately sought a new recruit in the form of Desmond’s friend Benny from the block. The game was close from the start with Cold as Ice getting an early lead but DSU disrupting their play enough with tough tackling and hard man marking. Tuma was having a ripper game and by half time we were down 4-2 (a sizable lead in a close game but still within touching distance).
At the half time huddle it was noticed that Benny had disappeared (he was having a heart attack at the time) so we had to play the entire second half without any substitutes. The second half did not start well for us with a penalty being awarded against us. With Jords in goals we always felt that we had a chance at stopping a penalty, but that was until the Fat Man stepped up. What happened next is indoor soccer folk lore. The Fat Man, who had never missed a penalty in his indoor career, stepped up and hammered his penalty at the top left corner of the goal. It was a certain goal until Jords’ hand clawed it clear. This was the starting point of the greatest comeback since Lazarus. Goals by Tuma and a brace by Dez gave us a 5-4 lead with 2 minutes left. With Ads now in goals he decided to slow down the tempo of the game. However, the Fat Man managed to catch Desmond in possession and sprinted clear of his marker Tuma. His shot was the equivalent of a missile which Ads did not see until it hit his shoulder as he dived to protect the goal. With this scare visibly shaking Ads (his very white shorts had decided to turn a shade of brown) he demanded that all the on field players pull back into their own half and hold onto the ball. The remaining time was played out and there ended the greatest game in indoor history DSU 5 Cold as Ice 4.
Oh yeah, we played them in the grand final that season and they kicked the crap out of us.
Arguably one of the key players in the DSU’s drive towards finals glory was Desmond. It was during this period that he took a spiritual sabbatical to Rome to converse with the new Pope. He returned as a completely new player. Before, he always would attempt to pass the ball off to someone else instead of shooting (trying to set up Arsenal type goals). But now he became a shooting machine scoring goals from all over the court. This metamorphous gave the DSU the most potent striker in the league. Added to this was Desmond’s steely nerve which he used to great effect to become the teams designated penalty taker.
The first two finals series that we participated in highlighted two overriding facts. The first being that we lost (got smashed) both semi finals and a phenomena known as finals fever occurred. Finals fever was a situation where every single player believed in their divine right to play in finals irrespective of the fact that they had not appeared in a game in the last two months. Players who suffered from finals fever were often greeted with “Rod…fancy seeing you here. I thought you were dead.” This meant that for these two finals we played with 7 or 8 players a level well above optimum. After defeat two seasons in a row in the finals Chook decided to resign his position as captain as he once again became overwhelmed with self loathing, alcohol and recreational drugs. It was stipulated at the time that the reason behind Chook resigning the captaincy was that at the semi final loss he had received a random drug test and had tested positive to a number of performance enhancing and recreational drugs.
It was at this time that Ads decided to step up and become captain of DSU. Ads immediately implemented a TQM (Total Quality Management) approach to the team. This meant that those players who weren’t quality were slowly ostracised and left out. The core of the team now consisted of Ads, Chook, Desmond, Freestyler, Jords and Tuma. Tuma was recruited by Jords when it became evident that the team needed more players.
The departures from the team are supposedly meant to be dealt with in an article by team President Desmond (that’s if he can get off of his fat arse and write something instead of making YL phone calls all night) so I’ll leave that to the great man.
It was during Ads’ first season that the team encountered the team that would plague DSU’s existence, Cold as Ice. Cold as Ice consisted of an awesome keeper, a short guy who had an incredible shot and who could turn on a 20c coin, a couple of other random hacks and the Fat Man. The Fat Man possessed arguably the best two feet in the indoor world despite them being attached to a body that was more suited to an American Hot Dog eating champion. Cold as Ice are to this day the best indoor soccer team that I have ever played against.
Ads’ first season in charge had gotten off to a mediocre start. Sitting just out of the top 4 the team had been on the receiving end of some spankings (especially an 11-3 loss to Cold as Ice). With some members of the team losing confidence in Ads’ leadership qualities he knew that a win in the next game was essential to make it to finals. The only problem was that we were playing against Cold as Ice. This game would go down as the single greatest indoor soccer game in the history of the world. Five minutes before the game started it was found out that Chook could not play as he had gone to sleep because he was feeling dizzy and then woke up in Adelaide in bed with an inflatable doll in a cheerleader uniform. Without Chook the team desperately sought a new recruit in the form of Desmond’s friend Benny from the block. The game was close from the start with Cold as Ice getting an early lead but DSU disrupting their play enough with tough tackling and hard man marking. Tuma was having a ripper game and by half time we were down 4-2 (a sizable lead in a close game but still within touching distance).
At the half time huddle it was noticed that Benny had disappeared (he was having a heart attack at the time) so we had to play the entire second half without any substitutes. The second half did not start well for us with a penalty being awarded against us. With Jords in goals we always felt that we had a chance at stopping a penalty, but that was until the Fat Man stepped up. What happened next is indoor soccer folk lore. The Fat Man, who had never missed a penalty in his indoor career, stepped up and hammered his penalty at the top left corner of the goal. It was a certain goal until Jords’ hand clawed it clear. This was the starting point of the greatest comeback since Lazarus. Goals by Tuma and a brace by Dez gave us a 5-4 lead with 2 minutes left. With Ads now in goals he decided to slow down the tempo of the game. However, the Fat Man managed to catch Desmond in possession and sprinted clear of his marker Tuma. His shot was the equivalent of a missile which Ads did not see until it hit his shoulder as he dived to protect the goal. With this scare visibly shaking Ads (his very white shorts had decided to turn a shade of brown) he demanded that all the on field players pull back into their own half and hold onto the ball. The remaining time was played out and there ended the greatest game in indoor history DSU 5 Cold as Ice 4.
Oh yeah, we played them in the grand final that season and they kicked the crap out of us.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Have you seen this man?
Missing: Green Street Elite Marquee Striker RodPosted by Tullamarine Police Dpt. and Action Indoor Missing Persons Unit.
The family of missing Green Street Elite player Rod have issued a heartfelt plea for him to return to the team.
Rod, pictured, who is 22 and from Tullamarine, has been missing since the start of last season where GSE famously made the finals without Bonus Points. He was last seen by a team-mate’s at his 21st and spoke to his wife around mid-afternoon, when he said he was going for a walk naked. Rod has never been missing before a GSE match but has recently experienced some health problems particularly an interest in prescribed medication and a tendency to eat large amounts of food late at night; which have caused fellow players some concern.
Rod is described as dark skinned Middle Eastern male with a tanned complexion. He is 10ft tall and of slight build with curly, pubic brown hair. He was wearing a white bonds top with erect nipples underneath it, navy blue jeans and trainer style walking shoes.
People who have recently visited areas including HJs Keilor Park, Tulla KFC, Tulla McDonalds, Tulla Tennis Centre and 7-11 at
Anyone with information should contact Tulla Police on 09669 696 8008. Alternatively, contact the Green Street Elite Sex Chatline on 8008 SEX LOL.
(image) Getting prepared for GSE's next match
The Bible According to Ads - Deuteronomy
Thanks to Desmond who informed me on what the next book in the bible was called as I kind of like the whole biblical reverence that will soon be attached to this tome. Apologies to Sister Hermina who attempted to teach me the names of the books in the bible in primary school and who miserably failed (Yes Sister I know I am going to hell now).
Anyway, with the change of name and leadership team the Dynamo Spurs United (or DSU) entered a period of relative growth. The skills of the players had increased significantly and so had the physical bulk of some players (in particular Rod....steroids(did you see that guys balls? Yeah they were weird looking)). Despite the increasing level in skill the team failed once again to make the finals in their first season back. This was fundamentally due to an underlying imbalance in DSU’s team dynamic. With Mario long gone and Jords moving up to Geelong to further pursue his career as a rap/hip hop artist the team no longer possessed the strength in keepers that it once had. Freestyler, who was initially drafted into the team only for his keeping prowess, was becoming increasingly frustrated by his constant stay in goals and was demanding more on field game time to exhibit the step over moves and hurdling techniques that he had been secretly perfecting. This meant that Lawrie Sanchez was used more and more as a goalkeeper. Initially this move proved fruitful with Lawrie winning a man of the match award in his first game in goals. However, this was later to be factually determined to be beginner’s luck as Lawrie produced insipid performance after insipid performance. At this stage Lawrie became widely known as the Dirty Sanchez.
To resolve this lack of keepers Ads made the selfless decision to put himself into goals. Ads discovered that his cat like reflexes that had only been previously used to avoid a drunken Chook trying to slap and punch him served him admirably as a keeper. With Ads taking a sizable portion of the teams keeping duties the DSU continued to grow in a way that saw them just miss out on the finals in their second season.
This was however, when certain elements within the team began plotting the demise of the leadership clique. The Hated One, who up until this stage had remained dormant, was becoming increasingly frustrated with what he perceived to be a lack of first team opportunities. This led to him proposing that the match fee (which at this stage was $50) to be paid for on a minutes played basis, ie the more minutes that you played the more you would have to pay. In a relatively egalitarian team this policy move was treated with disdain and The Hated One was increasingly being shunned to the fringes of the team.
Gathering together the few allies (Lawrie Sanchez and Desmond) that were particularly close to him The Hated One began planning one of the most dangerous political machinations that had ever been seen in Tullamarine since Machiavelli moved there after faking his death. He’s plan was beautifully simple, split the DSU into two teams. One team would be led by Chook and the other by himself. The key argument he used to sway opinions on the issue of multiple teams was: “Come on guys, I only get 8 minutes a game and Rod gets a full game….not fare, not fare, not fare, I pay as much as he does, not fare etc etc.” He even went to the presumptuous stage of creating team line ups for the two teams:
Chooks team consisted of himself, Rod, Ziggy (a fill in player who was brought in by Chook, renowned for his pace) and Jords.
The Hated Ones team was himself, Ads, Desmond, Freestyler and Lawrie Sanchez.
To the leadership team of Chook and Ads such an action meant that war had been declared on their position as leaders of the team. In an intense meeting in the Melbourne Uni Student Union toilets Chook and Ads decided that the only way to thwart The Hated One would be to make the DSU so successful that it would be impossible to split.
During a number of tactical and technical discussions between Ads and Chook it was decided that the team required a new style of play. Up until this point the team had been relying on Rod to dribble past the entire opposition and score. The new tactics devised proposed a revolutionary 1-1-1 formation where the focus would be on a fast flowing brand of football relying on playing deep in our own half and quickly breaking with multiple players. With this new battle plan in place the DSU were finally prepared to make a tilt at finals football.
Anyway, with the change of name and leadership team the Dynamo Spurs United (or DSU) entered a period of relative growth. The skills of the players had increased significantly and so had the physical bulk of some players (in particular Rod....steroids(did you see that guys balls? Yeah they were weird looking)). Despite the increasing level in skill the team failed once again to make the finals in their first season back. This was fundamentally due to an underlying imbalance in DSU’s team dynamic. With Mario long gone and Jords moving up to Geelong to further pursue his career as a rap/hip hop artist the team no longer possessed the strength in keepers that it once had. Freestyler, who was initially drafted into the team only for his keeping prowess, was becoming increasingly frustrated by his constant stay in goals and was demanding more on field game time to exhibit the step over moves and hurdling techniques that he had been secretly perfecting. This meant that Lawrie Sanchez was used more and more as a goalkeeper. Initially this move proved fruitful with Lawrie winning a man of the match award in his first game in goals. However, this was later to be factually determined to be beginner’s luck as Lawrie produced insipid performance after insipid performance. At this stage Lawrie became widely known as the Dirty Sanchez.
To resolve this lack of keepers Ads made the selfless decision to put himself into goals. Ads discovered that his cat like reflexes that had only been previously used to avoid a drunken Chook trying to slap and punch him served him admirably as a keeper. With Ads taking a sizable portion of the teams keeping duties the DSU continued to grow in a way that saw them just miss out on the finals in their second season.
This was however, when certain elements within the team began plotting the demise of the leadership clique. The Hated One, who up until this stage had remained dormant, was becoming increasingly frustrated with what he perceived to be a lack of first team opportunities. This led to him proposing that the match fee (which at this stage was $50) to be paid for on a minutes played basis, ie the more minutes that you played the more you would have to pay. In a relatively egalitarian team this policy move was treated with disdain and The Hated One was increasingly being shunned to the fringes of the team.
Gathering together the few allies (Lawrie Sanchez and Desmond) that were particularly close to him The Hated One began planning one of the most dangerous political machinations that had ever been seen in Tullamarine since Machiavelli moved there after faking his death. He’s plan was beautifully simple, split the DSU into two teams. One team would be led by Chook and the other by himself. The key argument he used to sway opinions on the issue of multiple teams was: “Come on guys, I only get 8 minutes a game and Rod gets a full game….not fare, not fare, not fare, I pay as much as he does, not fare etc etc.” He even went to the presumptuous stage of creating team line ups for the two teams:
Chooks team consisted of himself, Rod, Ziggy (a fill in player who was brought in by Chook, renowned for his pace) and Jords.
The Hated Ones team was himself, Ads, Desmond, Freestyler and Lawrie Sanchez.
To the leadership team of Chook and Ads such an action meant that war had been declared on their position as leaders of the team. In an intense meeting in the Melbourne Uni Student Union toilets Chook and Ads decided that the only way to thwart The Hated One would be to make the DSU so successful that it would be impossible to split.
During a number of tactical and technical discussions between Ads and Chook it was decided that the team required a new style of play. Up until this point the team had been relying on Rod to dribble past the entire opposition and score. The new tactics devised proposed a revolutionary 1-1-1 formation where the focus would be on a fast flowing brand of football relying on playing deep in our own half and quickly breaking with multiple players. With this new battle plan in place the DSU were finally prepared to make a tilt at finals football.
Scott Parker signs for the Irons
Scott Parker just signed for the Irons for 7 million quid (I used the word quid cause I cant be stuffed finding that stupid pounds sign).
Good move I reckon. Reunites him with AC, his mentor in his Charlton days. This means that Reo-Coker is definitely leaving , probably to Villa.
The only question left now is whether or not Curbs is willing to fork out the massive minimum fee release clause that is attached to Chooks contract. Although West Ham might be beaten to the punch with it being hinted that Real Madrid have made their interest known to the player's agent.
Good move I reckon. Reunites him with AC, his mentor in his Charlton days. This means that Reo-Coker is definitely leaving , probably to Villa.
The only question left now is whether or not Curbs is willing to fork out the massive minimum fee release clause that is attached to Chooks contract. Although West Ham might be beaten to the punch with it being hinted that Real Madrid have made their interest known to the player's agent.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
The Bible Accoring to Ads - The Book After Exodus (Leviticus?)
After the events of Exodus, the SBC Gunnerz continued to play until the end of Year 12 and well into the summer holidays. The squad was relatively settled and many of the divisions within the team had been pasted over by the euphoria of finishing off our formal educations and planning for our lives ahead.
Ads had decided that he would fulfil a life long hidden ambition to become an accountant, Chook was planning on following in his fathers footsteps and becoming an astronaut, Rod was working his way up in the porn industry by starring in some SBS documentaries on the human anatomy, Jords had already at this time signed a contract to release his first rap album called “I’m The Problem With Society” and Desmond had firmly set his sights on becoming Kim Beazley’s personal trainer. Even The Hated One had just got an internship at Macquarie Bank in mergers and acquisitions.
The future was looking quite bright for the Gunnerz with the squad continuing to expand with the introduction of Fat Petar. Fat Petar was a midfielder with brilliant technique, incredible dribbling skills and the ability to take multiple blows to the head from a table tennis bat without flinching. Lawrie Sanchez (not the new Fulham coach) was also added to the team as a reserve goal keeper and was often the source of amusement for the team, especially with his constant nipple hard ons.
The problem was that with the end of the summer holidays looming there was a lack of direction and guidance on what would happen to the team when everyone went off to uni. The Hated One failed to act in any significant way and the team lapsed into dilapidation. It would only meet up at random intervals to reminisce over the past glories of the Gunnerz. Not until 8 months later was the team reconstituted.
After attending 2004 education conference and being present at an 8 hour caucus in a communal bedroom (although he did sleep for 7 of those hours), Ads was shocked at the direction that his life was heading. After briefly talking to Desmond about the getting the band back together he tracked down Chook. He found Chook in a drug induced hallucination begging for money in front of East Keilor Hungry Jacks. Ads knew that getting Chook on board was essential for restarting the team and sent him to the Caroline Springs Clinic. After a lengthy stay in drug rehabilitation (where he formed an intimate bond with Lindsey Lohan) Chook went to Tullamarine and filled out the paperwork that would restart the team.
Chook officially called a general meeting of all the previous players of the Gunnerz. Those present at this meeting included Chook, Ads, Desmond, Freestyler, Rod, Lawrie Sanchez, Jords and The Hated One. It was at this stage that it was discovered that Fat Petar had in fact returned to his homeland of Croatia to purchase a wife (the rumour was she cost him $8.50 and a herd of goats). The motions passed at this meeting included that Chook be captain and that Ads would be his vice captain. It was also decided that a new name would be required for the team as SBC Gunnerz was a ludicrous name. The new name that was proposed by Ads (yes I take full responsibility for its shitness) was Dynamo Spurs United.
The reasoning behind this name was linked to the various teams that were supported by the Gunnerz. Dynamo for both the Croatian and Ukrainian clubs, Spurs for Tottscum and United for the mighty Irons. With foresight it is obvious to see that this name was perhaps even worse than SBC Gunnerz (who would seriously have a name which would could even connect by association a club like Tottscum with the Hammers).
To be continued…..(I’ve got a feeling that this story is going to take a while to complete)
Ads had decided that he would fulfil a life long hidden ambition to become an accountant, Chook was planning on following in his fathers footsteps and becoming an astronaut, Rod was working his way up in the porn industry by starring in some SBS documentaries on the human anatomy, Jords had already at this time signed a contract to release his first rap album called “I’m The Problem With Society” and Desmond had firmly set his sights on becoming Kim Beazley’s personal trainer. Even The Hated One had just got an internship at Macquarie Bank in mergers and acquisitions.
The future was looking quite bright for the Gunnerz with the squad continuing to expand with the introduction of Fat Petar. Fat Petar was a midfielder with brilliant technique, incredible dribbling skills and the ability to take multiple blows to the head from a table tennis bat without flinching. Lawrie Sanchez (not the new Fulham coach) was also added to the team as a reserve goal keeper and was often the source of amusement for the team, especially with his constant nipple hard ons.
The problem was that with the end of the summer holidays looming there was a lack of direction and guidance on what would happen to the team when everyone went off to uni. The Hated One failed to act in any significant way and the team lapsed into dilapidation. It would only meet up at random intervals to reminisce over the past glories of the Gunnerz. Not until 8 months later was the team reconstituted.
After attending 2004 education conference and being present at an 8 hour caucus in a communal bedroom (although he did sleep for 7 of those hours), Ads was shocked at the direction that his life was heading. After briefly talking to Desmond about the getting the band back together he tracked down Chook. He found Chook in a drug induced hallucination begging for money in front of East Keilor Hungry Jacks. Ads knew that getting Chook on board was essential for restarting the team and sent him to the Caroline Springs Clinic. After a lengthy stay in drug rehabilitation (where he formed an intimate bond with Lindsey Lohan) Chook went to Tullamarine and filled out the paperwork that would restart the team.
Chook officially called a general meeting of all the previous players of the Gunnerz. Those present at this meeting included Chook, Ads, Desmond, Freestyler, Rod, Lawrie Sanchez, Jords and The Hated One. It was at this stage that it was discovered that Fat Petar had in fact returned to his homeland of Croatia to purchase a wife (the rumour was she cost him $8.50 and a herd of goats). The motions passed at this meeting included that Chook be captain and that Ads would be his vice captain. It was also decided that a new name would be required for the team as SBC Gunnerz was a ludicrous name. The new name that was proposed by Ads (yes I take full responsibility for its shitness) was Dynamo Spurs United.
The reasoning behind this name was linked to the various teams that were supported by the Gunnerz. Dynamo for both the Croatian and Ukrainian clubs, Spurs for Tottscum and United for the mighty Irons. With foresight it is obvious to see that this name was perhaps even worse than SBC Gunnerz (who would seriously have a name which would could even connect by association a club like Tottscum with the Hammers).
To be continued…..(I’ve got a feeling that this story is going to take a while to complete)
Monday, June 4, 2007
GSE Joke of the Day
Jords and the rest of the GSE team were all at the Action Indoor dressing rooms (or benches next to the WACCA) laughing and joking at how they were going to beat DB's.
So Jords stands up and says: 'Chaps, why don't you go to Stumps, have a few beers and enjoy yourself while I take on DB's on my own.' The rest of the GSE squad look perplexed, then all agreed it was a damn fine idea and off they went to the pub.
The game started and proceeded normally, 4 DB players v 1 GSE player. The rest of the GSE team ask the landlord to switch the TV over to the match and start shouting, laughing and celebrating... DB's 0 - GSE 1... and so they carry on drinking and celebrating.
After quite a while they remember the match and ask the landlord to check what the final score was and it was DB's 0 - GSE 1. Full time and Jords had beaten DB's on his own... AWESOME!!
The GSE players rush back to the WACCA only to see Jords sobbing uncontrollably saying: 'I am sorry, I have let you down.' 'What are you talking about? you beat DB's on your own!' replied his teammates.
'Yeah, but I got sent off 12 minutes into the first half' came Jords' meek reply...
So Jords stands up and says: 'Chaps, why don't you go to Stumps, have a few beers and enjoy yourself while I take on DB's on my own.' The rest of the GSE squad look perplexed, then all agreed it was a damn fine idea and off they went to the pub.
The game started and proceeded normally, 4 DB players v 1 GSE player. The rest of the GSE team ask the landlord to switch the TV over to the match and start shouting, laughing and celebrating... DB's 0 - GSE 1... and so they carry on drinking and celebrating.
After quite a while they remember the match and ask the landlord to check what the final score was and it was DB's 0 - GSE 1. Full time and Jords had beaten DB's on his own... AWESOME!!
The GSE players rush back to the WACCA only to see Jords sobbing uncontrollably saying: 'I am sorry, I have let you down.' 'What are you talking about? you beat DB's on your own!' replied his teammates.
'Yeah, but I got sent off 12 minutes into the first half' came Jords' meek reply...
GSE FC in talks with Investors for Takeover Bid
The Elite board has said they are in "continuing discussions with a number of parties regarding a potential investment of new funds" that "may include an offer for the entire share capital of the club". ----------------(image)yet to be proposed Green Street Elite logo
Present chairman Desmond may sell part of his 51.5 per cent majority stake investment in the club for the right price. This includes the 10% discount at Tullamarine KFC in conjunction with the stake at Rebel Sport giving 5% off all full price merchandise.
The GSE board are looking for new investment in the club and are rumoured to be in negotiation with several possible investors and expect a share valuation in the region of £200 million.*1
It comes in the wake of the current major shareholder Fleshlight calling for a financial audit of its incumbent sales operation department covering the last 10 years following the company's warning last week that it expects to post its first ever loss. Their latest model ‘Non Descriptive’ failed to sell on the market as there was mass confusion with customers regarding its Identity, as it clashed with their original modeled orifice; ‘The Butt’. *2
(image)
The Non-Descript orifice
Perfect for the traveling man or someone who is a bit shy about their toys.
Perfect for the traveling man or someone who is a bit shy about their toys.
Leading the way in the takeover bid is the Johnson Family tycoon Carl Johnson, who has been constantly linked to the club in the past few weeks. The Grove Street Families interest could certainly have been spiked by GSE’s success last season in making the Grand Final with no Bonus Points. It is also Orange Grove Street influenced at the football club, which not only includes the successful name change from Dynamo Spurs United to Green Street Elite but Grove Family influenced star anchor midfielders; Ads and Chook.
With a background in Narcotics, Grand Theft Auto, Gambling, Prostitution and the Protection Racket, Mr Johnson is reported to have accepted a £14 million payoff when he left The Four Dragons Casino last year.
Green Street Elite FC have been searching for extra investment into the club for the past three years due to shortage of game fees and continual neglect towards registration fees. Several well-documented takeover attempts have been rejected by the Green Street board, including bids by the Tachito Brothers and also a rumoured shares buyout by the Supreme Commander of the Korean People's army, President of North Korea Kim Jong-il.
Central to any takeover bid would be a good new stadium plan, as GSE FC have been looking to move from Tullamarine to Airport West for several years.
*1 amount may be exaggerated
*2 based on pure folly
Golden Boot
I've decided to break down the goal's scored by the mighty GSE for the past three games (I would have done the season but I can't remember that far back)
- Gullentry 20 May 07 Lost 5-10
- Wrong Bet 27 May 07 Lost 4-13
- Grading Team 3 June 07 Win 10-6
In the first game I believe that Ads had scored an impressive 2 goals (both from freekicks), Desmond scored 2 and Chook 1.
In the second game Ads scored a single goal from a freekick, chook scored a brace and Dez with a single.
In the most recent game the goal scorers were: Ads (2 from freekicks), Dez (1 from the spot) and Chook all with 3 and Freestyler with the game ending final goal
This means that the leader board for the golden boot is:
- Ads 6 goals (5 freekicks)
- Dez 6 goals (1 penalty)
- Chook 6 goals
- Freestyler 1 goal
This race is wide open.
The Bible According to Ads - Exodus
The story left off with the sacrifice of Mario and Zammit. To comprehend why The Hated One allowed such an action to occur we must first understand the amount of dislike that was initially directed at Mario. Mario was in a year level below the rest of the team. This instantly made him a stuck up, snot nosed, pre-pubescent prat. Many of the generation two players had shied away from joining the team initially because of Mario’s presence. It was then expected that Zammit would leave too as with Mario gone, and The Hated One not offering any support he’s all round crapness would no longer be tolerated.
So with the tacit approval of The Hated One, Ads and Rodders began preparations for what would be one of the bloodiest coups in indoor soccer history. An event that would only later become known as the “Night of the Long Knives”. The usurpers plan was intricate:
Step 1. They initially recruited another two players to the team to fill the void that would be left with the removal of Mario and Zammit. The two players that were selected were Freestyler and Desmond. Freestyler had previously been an award winning goalkeeper for the ACC Second XI and it was believed that with Mario gone he would be the perfect man to fill his shoes. Desmond (the very same Desmond who set up this blog and who is an absolute sex god) had been another member of the ACC Second XI playing as a marauding full back.
Step 2. The next stage of our plan was to cease all communication channels with Mario and Zammit. This meant that they would find it difficult to discover when games were being played. The Hated One performed this job admirably as he sensed that the tides of revolution were too strong to swim against.
Step 3. A “D-Day” was selected for the execution of the operation and was planned that the usurpers would meet 2 hours before kick off. The reason behind meeting so early before kick off was to pay the match fee well a head of time so that it would seem unfair to not allow the usurpers to play.
The plan was executed to perfection. When Mario and Zammit arrived there was no way that they could play for a team which had already more than enough players. The final confrontation of the night went down between Rod and Mario in the toilets at action indoor. Rod, who already at this time was being suspected of taking steroids and other performance enhancing drugs that would later plague the rest of his career, proceeded to flex his stunning biceps and toss back his mullet and ultimately intimidated Mario into agreeing to leave the team.
The team then went out and played, and subsequently got spanked. But at least now all of the key members had joined the team. SBC Gunnerz would end their first season of indoor soccer by missing out on the finals but had managed to assemble the squad that would bring so much future glory.
Aprill close to Green Street move
Russell "Quick Fingers" Aprill is expected to complete his transfer to Green Street Elite in the next couple of weeks, Action Indoor Sport understands. (image)--Russell is more than ready to bring Glory to GSE
Green Street have agreed a fee in the region of £17m with Bunnings Maribyrnong for the Afghan midfielder.
Aprill passed a medical at GSE last week and all that remains is the formality of signing a contract, which will be for either three or four seasons.
The 25-year-old will fly to Uzbekastan on Tuesday to visit his family and should return to Melbourne early next week.
Elite failed with bids to sign Aprill last and at the start of the current season.
The Goalkeeper enjoyed an illustrious season at Maribyrnong, winning six league titles and the 2005 Bunnings Champions League.
But his final season was plagued by alcoholism and ended in disappointment, as Maribrynong finished fourth in the Victorian State League, missing out on Bunnings Champions League qualification.
April missed four months at the start of the campaign because of a hang-over and went on to play in only nine league games.
He will also miss Green Street's upcoming matches against Ammoss and Brazil due to a rehabilition appointment at Tullamarine Drug&Alcohol Rehabilitation Centre. There he will be joined by fellow GSE loaned out midfield/striker Rod.
Sunday, June 3, 2007
The Bible According to Ads-Genesis
Finally the mighty GSE have decided to go online. Due to overwhelming demand we have decided to chronicile our extensive exploits in the rough and tumble world of Tullamarine Action Indoor.
In the winter of 2003 a decision was made to form an indoor soccer team. All, but one (a year 11), of the founding members were Year 12 students of the illustrious St Bernard's College (SBC). Renowned for producing the mighty Paddy Kisnorbo, Matthew Lloyd, Mr Shayne "Hooley" Dooley, Ms Scott and parliamentary superstar Justin Madden MLC.
The founding members of the team consisted of Chook, Simon Cola-lola-bufalo, Adam Zammit, Mario and the player who is now only known as The Hated One. After a weekend of brainstorming this band of intrepid explorers decided to name their team the "SBC Gunnerz". This name was universally derided as both being shit and tacky (once when I was waiting for a game to start a 14 year old reading the fixture board exclaimed "SBC Gunnerz? What kind of loser name is that?"). The Gunnerz part of the name was drawn from Arsenal Football Club, with the grammatical butchering being attributable to an Americanisation of the english language and the fact that all of the founding members were failing English at the time. So with a team name decided upon an excursion was planned for a crisp Saturday morning to raid Vic Market for the cheapest imitation soccer tops in Melbourne. The kit decided upon was the Arsenal homestrip.
The line up of the team basically consisted of Mario in goals, Chook as a steely defender with a tireless work ethic, Zammit as a poor mans Chook (when I say poor man, I mean five layers of piss stained underwear and a plastic bag for a jacket), Simon who was initially drafted in as keeper (but was sacked after 2 games) and the marquis player whose skills where once compared to a young Michel Platini, The Hated One. This line up lasted all of two punishing defeats before it was decided that fresh talent was to be introduced.
The Hated One displaying the merciless nature that would become a trademark for his entire reign assumed the role of captain (which had remained unfilled to this point). His first act was to stop informing Simon on the playing times for games to deter him from attending any future games. This attack on Simon was justified by the fact that in the first two games he had played like a one legged man in an ass kicking contest (although I think he played more like one of those swans that is fed bread dipped in alcohol by old men who wait until the swan passes out and then eat them. Majestic yet queasy). The Hated One then proceeded to recruit one of the finest players at Bernard's, Rodders. Rod was a player who was renowned for his pace, strength over the ball and brilliant dribbling ability. However, he was also known as a hog who would refuse to pass to anyone on his team and always attempted to score the perfect goal. In all reality he was exactly the kind of player that our sister team in London would have loved.
This change in personnel led to a slight improvement in performance with the Gunnerz winning their first game. In this early period the team was carried by the immense frame of Mario. It was marvelled at the time how often his bespectacled head would prevent an almost certain goal. Perhaps one of the greatest keepers at action indoor, Mario pulled off save after save in numerous games to allow the Gunnerz to maintain a modicum of respect.
It was at this stage, approximately 5-7 games into the season, that it was deemed that the squad was too small to survive (basically they were too unfit to last the game so they needed a larger substitutes bench) and that fresh talent was to be blooded. The first of the generation two players to receive their call up was Jords. Jords was your typical total footballer. After many nights of study and eye bleeding in year 9 he had made the decision to become a player along the Rinus Michels school of thought. He proved himself to be an excellent field player with a stinging shot, a cruching tackle and big lips which where excellent for kissing. But perhaps more significantly he also proved to be a keeper that could rival Mario the Magnificent.
The next player to be drafted into the team two weeks later was the author of this article. Due to a birth defect Ads was born with his right foot six inches longer than his left. At the age of six he underwent painful surgery to have the length of his feet evened out. After learning to walk again Ads' footballing skills continued to grow until when at the age of 16 he was offered a 3 month trial with Dutch team Ajax Amsterdam. He ended up refusing this offer as he believed this to be a step backwards from playing on the Strand basketball courts where he was proving to be popular with both pundits and fans alike. Joining the team he added some extra pace and a fine range of passing. The Gunnerz now had successfully assembled a team which could at least run from one end of the court to the other without falling over. This led to a moderately successful period of growth for the team where the win/loss ratio was close to 50%.
However, all was not well within the Gunnerz. The recent transfer of several new players meant that the dynamic of the team had changed. Personality disagreements were making team bonding excercises, like bake sales, all but impossible. The Hated One sensed this growing tide of discontent and acted swiftly to offer the masses another pair of sacrifices Zammit and the Magnificent Mario.
To Be Contiued in Exodus.
Finally the mighty GSE have decided to go online. Due to overwhelming demand we have decided to chronicile our extensive exploits in the rough and tumble world of Tullamarine Action Indoor.
In the winter of 2003 a decision was made to form an indoor soccer team. All, but one (a year 11), of the founding members were Year 12 students of the illustrious St Bernard's College (SBC). Renowned for producing the mighty Paddy Kisnorbo, Matthew Lloyd, Mr Shayne "Hooley" Dooley, Ms Scott and parliamentary superstar Justin Madden MLC.
The founding members of the team consisted of Chook, Simon Cola-lola-bufalo, Adam Zammit, Mario and the player who is now only known as The Hated One. After a weekend of brainstorming this band of intrepid explorers decided to name their team the "SBC Gunnerz". This name was universally derided as both being shit and tacky (once when I was waiting for a game to start a 14 year old reading the fixture board exclaimed "SBC Gunnerz? What kind of loser name is that?"). The Gunnerz part of the name was drawn from Arsenal Football Club, with the grammatical butchering being attributable to an Americanisation of the english language and the fact that all of the founding members were failing English at the time. So with a team name decided upon an excursion was planned for a crisp Saturday morning to raid Vic Market for the cheapest imitation soccer tops in Melbourne. The kit decided upon was the Arsenal homestrip.
The line up of the team basically consisted of Mario in goals, Chook as a steely defender with a tireless work ethic, Zammit as a poor mans Chook (when I say poor man, I mean five layers of piss stained underwear and a plastic bag for a jacket), Simon who was initially drafted in as keeper (but was sacked after 2 games) and the marquis player whose skills where once compared to a young Michel Platini, The Hated One. This line up lasted all of two punishing defeats before it was decided that fresh talent was to be introduced.
The Hated One displaying the merciless nature that would become a trademark for his entire reign assumed the role of captain (which had remained unfilled to this point). His first act was to stop informing Simon on the playing times for games to deter him from attending any future games. This attack on Simon was justified by the fact that in the first two games he had played like a one legged man in an ass kicking contest (although I think he played more like one of those swans that is fed bread dipped in alcohol by old men who wait until the swan passes out and then eat them. Majestic yet queasy). The Hated One then proceeded to recruit one of the finest players at Bernard's, Rodders. Rod was a player who was renowned for his pace, strength over the ball and brilliant dribbling ability. However, he was also known as a hog who would refuse to pass to anyone on his team and always attempted to score the perfect goal. In all reality he was exactly the kind of player that our sister team in London would have loved.
This change in personnel led to a slight improvement in performance with the Gunnerz winning their first game. In this early period the team was carried by the immense frame of Mario. It was marvelled at the time how often his bespectacled head would prevent an almost certain goal. Perhaps one of the greatest keepers at action indoor, Mario pulled off save after save in numerous games to allow the Gunnerz to maintain a modicum of respect.
It was at this stage, approximately 5-7 games into the season, that it was deemed that the squad was too small to survive (basically they were too unfit to last the game so they needed a larger substitutes bench) and that fresh talent was to be blooded. The first of the generation two players to receive their call up was Jords. Jords was your typical total footballer. After many nights of study and eye bleeding in year 9 he had made the decision to become a player along the Rinus Michels school of thought. He proved himself to be an excellent field player with a stinging shot, a cruching tackle and big lips which where excellent for kissing. But perhaps more significantly he also proved to be a keeper that could rival Mario the Magnificent.
The next player to be drafted into the team two weeks later was the author of this article. Due to a birth defect Ads was born with his right foot six inches longer than his left. At the age of six he underwent painful surgery to have the length of his feet evened out. After learning to walk again Ads' footballing skills continued to grow until when at the age of 16 he was offered a 3 month trial with Dutch team Ajax Amsterdam. He ended up refusing this offer as he believed this to be a step backwards from playing on the Strand basketball courts where he was proving to be popular with both pundits and fans alike. Joining the team he added some extra pace and a fine range of passing. The Gunnerz now had successfully assembled a team which could at least run from one end of the court to the other without falling over. This led to a moderately successful period of growth for the team where the win/loss ratio was close to 50%.
However, all was not well within the Gunnerz. The recent transfer of several new players meant that the dynamic of the team had changed. Personality disagreements were making team bonding excercises, like bake sales, all but impossible. The Hated One sensed this growing tide of discontent and acted swiftly to offer the masses another pair of sacrifices Zammit and the Magnificent Mario.
To Be Contiued in Exodus.
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