Time to leave all you suckers behind

I posted this today

Mr Buckley,

I am writing in regards to the managerial vacuum that exists for the Australian National Team post the Asian Cup 2007. I would be extremely grateful if you would consider my CV in your search for a new manager. I feel that this position is ideal for me given my experience and technical expertise.

I have always placed a strong emphasis on the technical and tactical aspects of managing a football team. The tactical side of football has always been very important for me and this is clearly demonstrated through my outstanding record in the Football Manager 2005 computer game. I have managed clubs such as Livorno, AS Roma, West Ham United, Racing Santander and FC St Pauli. With all of these clubs I have demonstrated an ability to transcend cultural and language barriers which I think is an essential asset when considering the ethnically diverse nature of the Socceroos. In particular I would like to highlight my achievements at Livorno where I led a team which was on the brink of relegation to European qualification. Also, having led FC St Pauli from the third tier of German football to the Bundesliga shows that I have talent on bringing out the best in squads which may be at times lacking in talent. My Football Manager experience has further allowed me to become an expert in the nuances of man management and consultation with the media and press.

As you can see from my attached CV, I’ve taken the opportunity to gain extra qualifications away from football including gaining a Batchelor Degree in Commerce from the illustrious Melbourne University. I believe that this degree has provided me with many transferable skills for managing the Australian national team (I could fill in Mark Viduka’s tax returns).

Away from Football Manager 2005 I also have extensive hands on managerial experience with the Tullamarine Action Indoor Soccer team “The Green Street Elite”. Under my guidance as captain/coach the team went to two consecutive divisional grand finals only to have been defeated in both games by poor referring inspired by the oppositional forces of the Action Indoor oligarchy.

Relocation to Sydney to fulfil this position would not be a problem as I have been there on a number of occasions and would have no problem in moving there. I was last there for the friendly between Australia and Uruguay and found the town quite entertaining.

One of the key benefits in appointing me over Dirk Advocat or Gerrard Houllier is that my salary expectations would be much lower. I would be willing to start work on a $80,000 per year salary which consider to be more than reasonable for a manager of my extensive experience.

Due to my Polish heritage I also have the option of gaining foreign citizenship. I believe that this could be extremely advantageous with the trend of appointing foreign managers to head national teams is very much in vogue.

I am available for interview at your convenience and look forward to hearing from you – my contact details can be found on my CV.

Yours Sincerely

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P.S Chook and Desmond you've got dibs on assitant manager positions