Fear and loathing in Tullamarine

Question 1: Is Scarlett Johansen the hottest chick in the world?

I’ve just finished watching The Island and A Love Song for Bobby Long and I can only come to the conclusion that she is incredibly fit (possibly the fittest).

In a related matter my love life has improved heaps……..I’m masturbating at least once a day.

Australian Squad and lineup against Argentina (what it should be)

Goalkeepers
-Mark Schwarzer
-Danny Vukovic
-Adam Federici

Brad (had to fuck up everyone’s trip to Sydney) Jones and Clint Bolton have become more famous for their howlers then any actual keeping. I know that Chook will say what about Theo, but he gets dropped off of my list because I actually saw the game against NZ. Theo sucked balls. Tando Velaphi is another bright prospect but if he can’t get past Tommi Tomich at Perth then maybe I shouldn’t believe the hype (aah Hype…now that was a great election ticket).

Rightback/Wingback
-Brett Emerton
-Ahmed Elrich

The one match review I wrote for the Asian Cup blasted Emerton for being a dirty cavalo. Well the stinging criticism must have done some good because he improved out of sight after that game. He is one of the few players from Europe who now picks himself in the squad. He’s probably the best at set pieces which also says a lot. Elrich…I love him he doesn’t deserve it but he gets it anyway. Travis Dodd wouldn’t be bad in this position either.

Leftback/Wingback
-David Carney
-Jade North

With Chippers gone these two are the logical successors to his position. Carney excelled at the Asian Cup and I’ve got a feeling that Jade North is going to have a really good year for Newcastle (even if he is being played in the centre of defence). Shane Steffanuto could be played here but his name sounds too stupid half Aussie half Wog.

Centre-back
-Lucas Neill
-Michael Beauchamp
-Mark Milligan
-Adrian Leijer
-Matthew Spiranovic

Luacs Neill sucked balls in the Asian Cup, he looks like a ST on the front of men’s magazines and he’s best friends with Mel & Kochie. Normally this would be enough evidence to allow me to label him a cock smoker except for the fact that he is the captain of the Irons. How could I call a cock smoker someone who stands up there with Bobby Moore? Anyway he’s not that bad of a player when he’s not wanking.
Beauchamp proved that he can get the job done in the Asian Cup after he had put in some howlers (especially against Paraguay). He’s getting plenty of first team football with Nurnburg where he’s with Matthew Spiranovic who apparently is the future of the Australian central defence.

I love Milligan’s all action approach to playing at the back. If Paddy Kisnorbo put in as much effort as Mark then he’d be plying his trade in a better league than the Championship. Leijer gets the nod as one of my few Melbourne Victory selections. Perhaps the only time you realise how good he was for us is when we have Socceroos aspirant Lubs at the back bumbling around like a fucking giant.

Defensive Midfield
-Vince Grella

My mind has gone blank. I don’t want Vinnie Grella in my team as I think he is an antiquity a relic of a bygone era. A slow destructive midfielder who uses brutality and filth to slow up the play and assault the best midfielder in the opposition side (he’s like Emerson but shitter). The problem is I don’t know who to replace him with. Maybe Carl Valeri, but to tell you the truth I just haven’t seen enough of him. Possibly play Milligan here like Sydney FC do or push Jason Culina back here. If Simon Colosimo was in good form I’d pick him but he hasn’t been setting the A-League on fire.

Attacking Midfielders
-Harry Kewell
-Nicky Carle
-Tim Cahill
-Jason Culina
-Mile Sterjovski
-Nathan Burns
-Nicky Ward

Three out of those names pick themselves. Harry, Tim and Jason are top notch, there’s no real dispute that they should be there. Let’s hope Nicky Carle’s current European adventure goes better than the last one at Troyes or Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure when they let Napoleon loose at Waterloo (the water theme park).

Mile just moved to Turkey and looks like a relatively stable low risk option giving the team width. Nicky Ward was the A-League young player of the season in its first year but has since disappeared. Nathan Burns is the best support striker attacking midfielder playing in Australia. He’s goal against Queensland was a cracker and its only a matter of time before he gets his chance to shine.

I don’t like Brett Holman he’s too much like some dumb ass dog who runs around chasing a ball all day but when he gets it he shits himself and doesn’t know what to do with it. And I’ve dropped Bresc because he uses that statue celebration way too much. Fine, doing it when you scored against Uruguay was awesome you were a God but doing it when you knock Catania out of the Coppa Italia or whatever is just shit. No one cares anymore. Get a new celebration and a haircut.

Forwards
-Archie Thompson
-Scott McDonald
-Josh Kennedy
-Danny Allsop

Four different strikers who I reckon look good. Each one offers something to the team. Archie has pace and trickery, McDonald has an eye for goal and a body reminiscent of the galloping major Ferenc Puskas, Kennedy has height and Danny has got the power. Viduka gets the arse cause he’s fat and eats way too much meat pies. Aloisi just gets pissed off to easy and reminds too much of Zamora. Damien Mori would be in the squad but it’s not the mid 1990’s and I hate him.

Manager
Me. I haven’t heard back from Ben Buckley but I know that I’ve got this one in the bag.

Let me know what you think

Cheers Cunts