WELLINGTON return to training on March 3 without star Brazilian Felipe and Ahmad Elrich who have both been released by the club.Phoenix CEO Tony Pignata said the club had been interested in re-signing the exciting Brazilian but couldn't agree terms.
“Felipe had a one-year contract and we had the option to re-sign him for a second season," he said. "Unfortunately, we were unable to agree terms and Felipe opted to pursue other opportunities.”
Felipe, along with countryman Daniel and Kiwi goal machine Shane Smeltz, starred in the club's first season despite Phoenix finishing last in the A-League. Smeltz told au.fourfourtwo.com today that despite an estimated six month off-season, it will give coach Ricki Herbert the time to work on his plans for 2008/09 season.
He added: “It is an early start but we have a number of things we need to put in place. We need more consistency throughout our roster."It's just a matter of gelling well in our pre-season and getting a good start, which is really important in this league. “You never want to finish on the bottom and I think every player should go into this pre-season with that in mind."
Coach Ricki Herbert and a delegation of club officials recently spent three weeks in Europe scouting players for the new season. Defender Kristian Rees was also released today (loser).
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Pondeljak coming home
Still reckon we should have kept Caceras, but with Pondeljak, Ward and Hernandez in attack and Brebner and Muscat holding the fort defensively I reckon that we're looking pretty good.
Melbourne Victory has recruited Qantas Socceroos midfielder Tom Pondeljak from the Central Coast Mariners, with the experienced stalwart returning to his hometown on a two-year deal.
Despite signing two weeks before Victory’s AFC Champions League 2008 campaign begins, Pondeljak won’t be available for the Group Stage of the tournament due to player registrations closing earlier this month.
Despite signing two weeks before Victory’s AFC Champions League 2008 campaign begins, Pondeljak won’t be available for the Group Stage of the tournament due to player registrations closing earlier this month.
However, he will remain on standby incase of injury ahead of Victory’s historic first game in Asia’s premier club competition against the Chunnam Dragons on Wednesday, 12 March, and will be available for the Hyundai A-League 2008/09 season.
Pondeljak, who was part of the Qantas Socceroos training squad for its FIFA World Cup qualifier against Qatar earlier this month, played 55 matches over three seasons with Central Coast, including last Sunday’s Hyundai A-League Grand Final against the Newcastle Jets.
“I’m happy to be coming back to my home town and I’m looking forward to the next two seasons,” Pondeljak said.
“There’s a good bunch of boys from what I hear and there’s a good mix of youth and experience, so it’s going to be exciting stuff.
“I’ve got a young family now, so we were just waiting for an opportunity and it’s come along, which is great.
“I’ve always wanted to play football in Melbourne, so coming back to play for Victory is a huge bonus.”
Pondeljak, who made his debut for the Qantas Socceroos in 2002, overcame a knee strain to represent Central Coast at this year’s Grand Final and was also part of the Mariners side that contested the inaugural Hyundai A-League Grand Final against Sydney FC.
“It was disappointing to get into a second Grand Final and not win it, but I’m at Victory now so I’m looking to reach another Grand Final and win one.”
Abramovich to buy Perth Glory? WTF? Well not really but...
Chelsea owner Abramovich to invest in Australian football tribalfootball.com - February 26, 2008 Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich is being linked with investment in Australian football.
Perth press reports suggest that a $1.6 billion steel deal has been struck by one of Abramovich's companies in West Australia, which could lead to the Russian billionaire also throwing cash at Australian football.
Perth press reports suggest that a $1.6 billion steel deal has been struck by one of Abramovich's companies in West Australia, which could lead to the Russian billionaire also throwing cash at Australian football.
Abramovich has pumped Russia coach Guus Hiddink for information on Australia's football potential as Chelsea continue their global plans.
Indeed, Chelsea's push into Asia will continue to gather pace this summer with plans for a tour of China, though sponsors Samsung would prefer them to play three games in South Korea.
Nice sweater faggot. Oh yeah, and buy a new razor the current one ain't working.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Victory 2 Adelaide 1
MELBOURNE Victory continued their preparation for the Asian Champions League with a 2-1 victory over fellow participant Adelaide United in a trial match at Olympic Park.
A stunning free-kick from the departing Adrian Caceres opened the scoring after 17 minutes before Danny Allsopp doubled the advantage with a clinical finish past Eugene Galekovic. Dez Giraldi snatched an equaliser late in the first half to breathe life back into the contest, but the Melbourne rearguard remained steadfast for the remainder of the match, withstanding a late onslaught to emerge victorious.
Victory made the inside running early, dominating the midfield as Kaz Patafta staked his claim for a berth in the starting line-up come matchday one of Asia’s premier club competition. The youngster showed much composure as he moved the ball around the park with almost metronomic-like consistency.
Archie Thompson, equipped with a startling pair of orange boots, looked ominous, continuously making the Adelaide backline look second rate with his speed and slight of foot, while Caceres’ penetrating runs down the flank proved troublesome.
And with little over a quarter of an hour gone, the Mariners bound winger proved emphatically why A-League clubs clamoured for his services, curling a majestic free-kick over the United wall and beyond the reach of a hapless Galekovic. Allsopp made it 2-0 five minutes later, latching onto a defence splitting Thompson ball before prodding a shot past Adelaide’s custodian.
Only a poor first touch prevented Caceres from netting a double before Adelaide wrestled back control of the match, with the imposing Jonas Salley bullying Melbourne in the middle of the park. The Ivorian stifled the usually effective Carlos Hernandez of space to unleash his trademark passing game, breaking down Victory’s forward thrusts with sheer brute force.
Travis Dodd and Diego Walsh were particularly impressive, shunning aside a disappointing A-League campaign where the duo struggled for form and fitness. But in the absence of Olyroos’ Bruce Djite and Nathan Burns, Giraldi was presented with a chance to impress and didn’t disappoint, halving the deficit as he tapped the ball home into an empty net after Dodd cut a ball across from the left.
With momentum now in their favour, Adelaide ran rampant, dictating the tempo as their fluent and attractive passing game came to the fore. And if the side were more effective in possession, Adelaide could have conceivably secured a victory, forcing Melbourne into their own half for the majority of the second period.
With coach Ernie Merrick returning from a scouting trip to Hawaii, assistant Aaron Healey took the reigns of the side and was pleased with the performance. “We were happy with the hitout,” he said. "All the teams we will be playing against in the Champions League are already in season so we really need these games against quality opposition like Adelaide to get us right for the match against Chunnam Dragons. "The boys kept possession well and we scored a couple of good goals." He added: “It’s just a pity there was only three or four people here, it would’ve been great if Adrian could knock that in at Telstra Dome in front of 50,000 people,” Healey added.“Adrian’s been working hard in training and hopefully he pulls another free kick like that out for us in the Champions League.”
The mammoth task facing Melbourne to qualify for the knockout stages of the competition was highlighted by Gamba Osaka’s recent 6-1 thrashing of MLS Champions Houston Dynamo, and this was not lost on Healey. However, the former Joey remained upbeat about Victory’s prospects. “We are trying to keep the DVD of that game away from the team,” he joked. “I think a few of them know the result but Gamba will be a tough team."Out of the side which played, they had six Japanese internationals still to come in.“They will be an impressive side, but there are no easy beats in this ACL. All we can do is prepare, do things which are right and hopefully on matchday, get the job done.”
Victory goalkeeper Michael Theoklitos, who featured in the first half, said it’s vital to play A-League opposition and ensure no stone is left unturned in preparation for Victory’s AFC Champions League debut.“Obviously we’ve had a bit of a break because we didn’t make the Finals Series, so to play Hyundai A-League opposition is very important leading up to the AFC Champions League,” Theoklitos said.“The AFC Champions League is unknown for all of us, so training has been absolutely buzzing and we’re really looking forward to it.”
Melbourne Victory 2 (Caceres 17’, Allsopp 22’)Adelaide United 1 (Giraldi 42’)
A stunning free-kick from the departing Adrian Caceres opened the scoring after 17 minutes before Danny Allsopp doubled the advantage with a clinical finish past Eugene Galekovic. Dez Giraldi snatched an equaliser late in the first half to breathe life back into the contest, but the Melbourne rearguard remained steadfast for the remainder of the match, withstanding a late onslaught to emerge victorious.
Victory made the inside running early, dominating the midfield as Kaz Patafta staked his claim for a berth in the starting line-up come matchday one of Asia’s premier club competition. The youngster showed much composure as he moved the ball around the park with almost metronomic-like consistency.
Archie Thompson, equipped with a startling pair of orange boots, looked ominous, continuously making the Adelaide backline look second rate with his speed and slight of foot, while Caceres’ penetrating runs down the flank proved troublesome.
And with little over a quarter of an hour gone, the Mariners bound winger proved emphatically why A-League clubs clamoured for his services, curling a majestic free-kick over the United wall and beyond the reach of a hapless Galekovic. Allsopp made it 2-0 five minutes later, latching onto a defence splitting Thompson ball before prodding a shot past Adelaide’s custodian.
Only a poor first touch prevented Caceres from netting a double before Adelaide wrestled back control of the match, with the imposing Jonas Salley bullying Melbourne in the middle of the park. The Ivorian stifled the usually effective Carlos Hernandez of space to unleash his trademark passing game, breaking down Victory’s forward thrusts with sheer brute force.
Travis Dodd and Diego Walsh were particularly impressive, shunning aside a disappointing A-League campaign where the duo struggled for form and fitness. But in the absence of Olyroos’ Bruce Djite and Nathan Burns, Giraldi was presented with a chance to impress and didn’t disappoint, halving the deficit as he tapped the ball home into an empty net after Dodd cut a ball across from the left.
With momentum now in their favour, Adelaide ran rampant, dictating the tempo as their fluent and attractive passing game came to the fore. And if the side were more effective in possession, Adelaide could have conceivably secured a victory, forcing Melbourne into their own half for the majority of the second period.
With coach Ernie Merrick returning from a scouting trip to Hawaii, assistant Aaron Healey took the reigns of the side and was pleased with the performance. “We were happy with the hitout,” he said. "All the teams we will be playing against in the Champions League are already in season so we really need these games against quality opposition like Adelaide to get us right for the match against Chunnam Dragons. "The boys kept possession well and we scored a couple of good goals." He added: “It’s just a pity there was only three or four people here, it would’ve been great if Adrian could knock that in at Telstra Dome in front of 50,000 people,” Healey added.“Adrian’s been working hard in training and hopefully he pulls another free kick like that out for us in the Champions League.”
The mammoth task facing Melbourne to qualify for the knockout stages of the competition was highlighted by Gamba Osaka’s recent 6-1 thrashing of MLS Champions Houston Dynamo, and this was not lost on Healey. However, the former Joey remained upbeat about Victory’s prospects. “We are trying to keep the DVD of that game away from the team,” he joked. “I think a few of them know the result but Gamba will be a tough team."Out of the side which played, they had six Japanese internationals still to come in.“They will be an impressive side, but there are no easy beats in this ACL. All we can do is prepare, do things which are right and hopefully on matchday, get the job done.”
Victory goalkeeper Michael Theoklitos, who featured in the first half, said it’s vital to play A-League opposition and ensure no stone is left unturned in preparation for Victory’s AFC Champions League debut.“Obviously we’ve had a bit of a break because we didn’t make the Finals Series, so to play Hyundai A-League opposition is very important leading up to the AFC Champions League,” Theoklitos said.“The AFC Champions League is unknown for all of us, so training has been absolutely buzzing and we’re really looking forward to it.”
Melbourne Victory 2 (Caceres 17’, Allsopp 22’)Adelaide United 1 (Giraldi 42’)
A-league Rumours (Will it make FourFourTwo again)
Wellington Pheonix
The New Zealand Club are monitoring FC G.S.E captain Desmond, who is valued at £0m by his club (sorry Des)
Gold Coast Galaxy
Green Street Elite utility Saciinho (Chook) is reportedly set to sign with the Gold Coast Galaxy as the clubs inaugural marquee player.
Central Coast Mariners
With Danny Vukovic out for up to 15 months, The Mariners and acted fast to sign back-up goalkeeper Si Mon from the Elite Club
Melbourne Victory
Melbourne Victory and Newcastle Jets have set their sites on midfield play-maker Adisco. Although Adisco (Ads his preferred name) is opting for the latter due to the overcrowded Victory midfield line-up.
The New Zealand Club are monitoring FC G.S.E captain Desmond, who is valued at £0m by his club (sorry Des)
Gold Coast Galaxy
Green Street Elite utility Saciinho (Chook) is reportedly set to sign with the Gold Coast Galaxy as the clubs inaugural marquee player.
Central Coast Mariners
With Danny Vukovic out for up to 15 months, The Mariners and acted fast to sign back-up goalkeeper Si Mon from the Elite Club
Melbourne Victory
Melbourne Victory and Newcastle Jets have set their sites on midfield play-maker Adisco. Although Adisco (Ads his preferred name) is opting for the latter due to the overcrowded Victory midfield line-up.
FFA have done it again
FOOTBALL Federation Australia are to probe Central Coast Mariners' Mad Monday end of season party after Andre Gumprecht appeared dressed as Hitler.
- Seriously It's a costume party, he wasn't making a statement (even though the bloke is from the Fatherland) he was just looking for a good night out like all those other respectable AFL players have their 'Mad Mondays'.
The German hardman turned up in WWII uniform with an Adolf-style moustache, while departing Socceroo veteran Tony Vidmar dressed up as his nickname 'God' but with his face blackened.
- Now hang on a minute. Why didn't they say 'German' WWII uniform? After closer inspection Gumprick is not actually wearing a German WWII Uniform but a British WWI standard troop outfit.
http://www.diggerhistory2.info/graveyards/pages/equip-uniform/uk.htm
Basically the man is a wannabe Major Edward C. "Mick" Mannock with a bad mustache.
Don't get me started on Vidmar, the man can dress up as Morgan Freeman anytime he wants to (except maybe at Black Panther rallies if they still exist). Don't even know why Religious groups are angry with suicidal watch Tony. If they are, they are in fact agreeing to the notion that God is, in fact an African American. At least he didn't dress up like God as they portrayed the great one in Dogma.
Banned Olyroos keeper Danny Vukovic reportedly turned up at the fancy dress party as partyboy Corey Delaney.
- This is more offensive than dressing up as Hitler and Morgan Freeman combined. I'm pretty sure they gave you the 15 months for that get up. Shame on you not so BIG Danny V.
The FFA have now launched a probe after an outcry from religious groups.
- So, the religious groups are already tired of persecuting women and burning all the gays to the stake
CEO Ben Buckley branded the outfits 'stupid' and told Sydney's Daily Telegraph: "Such behaviour is not only stupid, but is also not tolerated by the FFA.
"Our policy is clear. Any conduct that threatens, disparages, vilifies or insults another person, or group of people, on the basis of that person's race, religion, age, colour, descent or national or ethnic origin is abhorrent to FFA, whether on or off the field."
- First the Danny Vukovic shemozzle now this. Thank you Mr. Buckley for your skid marks to the proverbial underwear that is the A-league. Hang on a second, Andrew Demetriou is standing behind you dressed as Emperor Palpatine isn't he?
Photos of the 'Mad' Monday
Couldn't find any photos without God being in there. Jesus Christ he is an attention seeking bastard.
- Seriously It's a costume party, he wasn't making a statement (even though the bloke is from the Fatherland) he was just looking for a good night out like all those other respectable AFL players have their 'Mad Mondays'.
The German hardman turned up in WWII uniform with an Adolf-style moustache, while departing Socceroo veteran Tony Vidmar dressed up as his nickname 'God' but with his face blackened.
- Now hang on a minute. Why didn't they say 'German' WWII uniform? After closer inspection Gumprick is not actually wearing a German WWII Uniform but a British WWI standard troop outfit.
http://www.diggerhistory2.info/graveyards/pages/equip-uniform/uk.htm
Basically the man is a wannabe Major Edward C. "Mick" Mannock with a bad mustache.
Don't get me started on Vidmar, the man can dress up as Morgan Freeman anytime he wants to (except maybe at Black Panther rallies if they still exist). Don't even know why Religious groups are angry with suicidal watch Tony. If they are, they are in fact agreeing to the notion that God is, in fact an African American. At least he didn't dress up like God as they portrayed the great one in Dogma.
Banned Olyroos keeper Danny Vukovic reportedly turned up at the fancy dress party as partyboy Corey Delaney.
- This is more offensive than dressing up as Hitler and Morgan Freeman combined. I'm pretty sure they gave you the 15 months for that get up. Shame on you not so BIG Danny V.
The FFA have now launched a probe after an outcry from religious groups.
- So, the religious groups are already tired of persecuting women and burning all the gays to the stake
CEO Ben Buckley branded the outfits 'stupid' and told Sydney's Daily Telegraph: "Such behaviour is not only stupid, but is also not tolerated by the FFA.
"Our policy is clear. Any conduct that threatens, disparages, vilifies or insults another person, or group of people, on the basis of that person's race, religion, age, colour, descent or national or ethnic origin is abhorrent to FFA, whether on or off the field."
- First the Danny Vukovic shemozzle now this. Thank you Mr. Buckley for your skid marks to the proverbial underwear that is the A-league. Hang on a second, Andrew Demetriou is standing behind you dressed as Emperor Palpatine isn't he?
Photos of the 'Mad' Monday
Couldn't find any photos without God being in there. Jesus Christ he is an attention seeking bastard.
Monday, February 25, 2008
I reckon Dez could pass himself off as a 12 year old
Melbourne Victory is seeking 12 junior players, between the ages of 12 and 15, to be part of the Victory Ball Squad for the club’s first AFC Champions League home match against the Chunnam Dragons at Telstra Dome on Wednesday, 12 March.
Click here to complete the online registration form and be in the running to be pitch side when Victory debuts in the AFC Champions League.
The competition is open to Victorian football clubs only and registrations will only be accepted from club officials.
Click here to complete the online registration form and be in the running to be pitch side when Victory debuts in the AFC Champions League.
The competition is open to Victorian football clubs only and registrations will only be accepted from club officials.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Things we have learnt over the weekend
Danny Vukovic is now available to play for GSE
Can't believe i missed out on #619, you are too quick for me Ads. Fingers crossed for 'R'
Every time two shit teams make the A-league final the FFA should move to replace the two with Melbourne Victory and Sydney FC. I'm sick of aerial pingpong and watching Kwasnik butcher his 100th chance. (Tarik Elrich you are no better)
Why was Pondeljakoff and Gumprick on the bench, only players looked like getting close to goal for CC.
Kamahl is a legend, even though his favourite is John Cena. (I still cant find the ad on youtube or anywhere else for that matter)
Star Bar is a good place to go on a Sunday night. Thank you wannabe Princes Park Indoor Competition for giving me the night off. Don't think this chick will call back though.
Has Maria sat for playboy yet?
Somehow we have made the finals for indoor. Who knew they actually had a competition and ladder going?
...and my personal favourite: The Indoor staff still think I'm captain and keep calling me with the changes made. It is an easy mistake to make, as just my presence on the field is enough to inspire and spur the rest of the team on.
Am I missing anything?
Can't believe i missed out on #619, you are too quick for me Ads. Fingers crossed for 'R'
Every time two shit teams make the A-league final the FFA should move to replace the two with Melbourne Victory and Sydney FC. I'm sick of aerial pingpong and watching Kwasnik butcher his 100th chance. (Tarik Elrich you are no better)
Why was Pondeljakoff and Gumprick on the bench, only players looked like getting close to goal for CC.
Kamahl is a legend, even though his favourite is John Cena. (I still cant find the ad on youtube or anywhere else for that matter)
Star Bar is a good place to go on a Sunday night. Thank you wannabe Princes Park Indoor Competition for giving me the night off. Don't think this chick will call back though.
Has Maria sat for playboy yet?
Somehow we have made the finals for indoor. Who knew they actually had a competition and ladder going?
...and my personal favourite: The Indoor staff still think I'm captain and keep calling me with the changes made. It is an easy mistake to make, as just my presence on the field is enough to inspire and spur the rest of the team on.
Am I missing anything?
E is for my Erection
Eastern Bloc - Collective noun for teams from the other side of the Iron Curtain. Not popular with away supporters due to overzealous policing, poor catering facilities (unless you were fond of beetroot) and the local shops, which rarely had anything worth robbing. Most have now split up into several different countries to make qualification for the World and European Cups more difficult. Not to say 'impossible'.
'Easy Games' - There are absolutely none of these 'at this level of football', even if Manchester United are playing Lincoln City, The Red Lion Reserves, Trafford Primary School For Girls or Arsenal.
'Ed - Top bit of a footballer managed by Kevin Keegan.
Edinburgh, Justin - Cultured product of the famous White Hart Lane pass-and-move school.
Edu - Midfielder who was ideal for Arsenal fans wanting a replica shirt on a tight budget.
Edmundo - Hated Romario, terrible driver, hired circus for his back garden, thumped/put heid on numerous opponents, nicknamed 'The Animal', gave a monkey beer, made Man United look like idiots in that World Club Cup Club Championship nonsense, is legend.
Effing (usually 'Effing And Blinding') - Commentary to describe pictures of Wayne Rooney asking an official if he is certain that the ball was out of play, is his family well, how much left on the clock etc.
Eh, Eh, Eh - See Kop, The.
Ehiogu, Ugo - Player whose name gives David Pleat nightmares.
Ekoku, Efan - Bustling ex-Crazy Ganger. Almost unique among ex-pros by virtue of being a better commentator than he was footballer.
Elliot, Robbie - Keegan-era left back for the Toon; one of those players who played about four million games but about whom you can hardly remember anything. See Speed, Gary.
Elbow - One of the most controversial parts of a footballer's anatomy, usually employed artfully to knobble opponents. Developed by John Fashanu in the 1980s, perfected by Ben Thatcher.
Elland Road - Home for juvenile delinquents in Yorkshire, recently admitting older, smaller thugs, too.
Ellis, 'Deadly' Doug - Hoarding creature that lives to a great age and preys on football managers.
Emerson - Freaky-haired Brazilian who enjoyed a brief yet lucrative stay on Teesside. Wife inexplicably preferred Rio. Strange creatures, women.
'End Of The Day' - Expression used predominantly in post-match interviews in place of a comma or full-stop. Among the first English words a foreign player learns, together with 'lads done terrific', 'magnificent', 'the gaffer's behind me 100%' and 'the missus loves it here in the North East'.
End Of The World, Not - The false assurance given by girlfriend/wife who doesn't understand the brutality of seeing your team relegated/thrashed by hated rivals/selling best player.
End-To-End (Usually Stuff) - Refers to a pulsating tie in which opponents take turns to attack. Often occurs when one or both teams are impressive going forward but have little savvy when it comes to defensive responsibilities. See Keegan, Kevin.
Energetic - Generous description of a player who runs around for the whole match without contributing to the game.
Engine, He's Got A Great - Signifier denoting a tireless but talentless player who will run all day for you and always gives 110 per cent.
Enigmatic - Football-speak for 'a liability'. See Robert, Laurent.
England - Average international side whose opponents consistently fail to recognise its divine right to qualify for tournaments.
England, Mike - Former Spurs star who despite his name had to play for Wales. See also Brazil, Alan and Holland, Matt.
English Disease, The - Usage can refer to, variously: excessive trade union activity, rickets, sexual masochism and football hooliganism. All of which when taken together, sound like a hell of a weekend.
Envelope, Brown - Used for facilitating transfers in the days when five hundred quid was actually a lot of money and the bung didn't need to be put in a paper bag the size of a duvet.
Eriksson, Sven-Goran - Bespectacled fanny-magnet and former England coach who was hounded out of job largely for being passionless and foreign. Subsequent reign of Steve McClaren made Sven look like a genius.
Error, Schoolboy - See Robinson, Paul.
Estonia - Team defeated twice by England in Euro 2008 qualifying. Surprisingly, manager Tarmo Rüütli kept his job. Also home country of Mart Poom. That's pretty much it.
Etcheverry, Marco - Legendary Bolivian mulleteer sent off in their first-ever match in the WC finals (1994).
Etherington, Matthew - Along with Simon Davies, was touted by Barry Fry as the future of the football and flogged to Spurs for vast sums. Nice work, Barry. Spurs: go to your room.
Everton - Former English football superpower currently flirting with possibility of ousting Liverpool from coveted 'Merseyside club most likely to finish fourth' race.
Europe - Place where they do unspeakably cruel things to animals and England football teams.
'European Adventure' - Patronising newspaper term for UEFA Cup progress (i.e. elimination) of clubs like Shelbourne, Carmarthen Town and Rangers.
Everywhere (usually 'He's everywhere') - Used to describe a bustling midfield performance by, for instance, Wayne Rooney in which the player manages to kick or abuse every single member of the opposing team.
Exclusive - Publishing term denoting the appearance of identical story in not fewer than five rival newspapers.
Exeter (City) - Nickname the Grecians, once chaired by spoon-bending head-the-ball Uri Geller, briefly flirted with having Gazza as manager.
Eyebrows, LittleOne of the greatest Ronisms, thought to be related to heading the ball. Usually performed at the front stick.
'Easy Games' - There are absolutely none of these 'at this level of football', even if Manchester United are playing Lincoln City, The Red Lion Reserves, Trafford Primary School For Girls or Arsenal.
'Ed - Top bit of a footballer managed by Kevin Keegan.
Edinburgh, Justin - Cultured product of the famous White Hart Lane pass-and-move school.
Edu - Midfielder who was ideal for Arsenal fans wanting a replica shirt on a tight budget.
Edmundo - Hated Romario, terrible driver, hired circus for his back garden, thumped/put heid on numerous opponents, nicknamed 'The Animal', gave a monkey beer, made Man United look like idiots in that World Club Cup Club Championship nonsense, is legend.
Effing (usually 'Effing And Blinding') - Commentary to describe pictures of Wayne Rooney asking an official if he is certain that the ball was out of play, is his family well, how much left on the clock etc.
Eh, Eh, Eh - See Kop, The.
Ehiogu, Ugo - Player whose name gives David Pleat nightmares.
Ekoku, Efan - Bustling ex-Crazy Ganger. Almost unique among ex-pros by virtue of being a better commentator than he was footballer.
Elliot, Robbie - Keegan-era left back for the Toon; one of those players who played about four million games but about whom you can hardly remember anything. See Speed, Gary.
Elbow - One of the most controversial parts of a footballer's anatomy, usually employed artfully to knobble opponents. Developed by John Fashanu in the 1980s, perfected by Ben Thatcher.
Elland Road - Home for juvenile delinquents in Yorkshire, recently admitting older, smaller thugs, too.
Ellis, 'Deadly' Doug - Hoarding creature that lives to a great age and preys on football managers.
Emerson - Freaky-haired Brazilian who enjoyed a brief yet lucrative stay on Teesside. Wife inexplicably preferred Rio. Strange creatures, women.
'End Of The Day' - Expression used predominantly in post-match interviews in place of a comma or full-stop. Among the first English words a foreign player learns, together with 'lads done terrific', 'magnificent', 'the gaffer's behind me 100%' and 'the missus loves it here in the North East'.
End Of The World, Not - The false assurance given by girlfriend/wife who doesn't understand the brutality of seeing your team relegated/thrashed by hated rivals/selling best player.
End-To-End (Usually Stuff) - Refers to a pulsating tie in which opponents take turns to attack. Often occurs when one or both teams are impressive going forward but have little savvy when it comes to defensive responsibilities. See Keegan, Kevin.
Energetic - Generous description of a player who runs around for the whole match without contributing to the game.
Engine, He's Got A Great - Signifier denoting a tireless but talentless player who will run all day for you and always gives 110 per cent.
Enigmatic - Football-speak for 'a liability'. See Robert, Laurent.
England - Average international side whose opponents consistently fail to recognise its divine right to qualify for tournaments.
England, Mike - Former Spurs star who despite his name had to play for Wales. See also Brazil, Alan and Holland, Matt.
English Disease, The - Usage can refer to, variously: excessive trade union activity, rickets, sexual masochism and football hooliganism. All of which when taken together, sound like a hell of a weekend.
Envelope, Brown - Used for facilitating transfers in the days when five hundred quid was actually a lot of money and the bung didn't need to be put in a paper bag the size of a duvet.
Eriksson, Sven-Goran - Bespectacled fanny-magnet and former England coach who was hounded out of job largely for being passionless and foreign. Subsequent reign of Steve McClaren made Sven look like a genius.
Error, Schoolboy - See Robinson, Paul.
Estonia - Team defeated twice by England in Euro 2008 qualifying. Surprisingly, manager Tarmo Rüütli kept his job. Also home country of Mart Poom. That's pretty much it.
Etcheverry, Marco - Legendary Bolivian mulleteer sent off in their first-ever match in the WC finals (1994).
Etherington, Matthew - Along with Simon Davies, was touted by Barry Fry as the future of the football and flogged to Spurs for vast sums. Nice work, Barry. Spurs: go to your room.
Everton - Former English football superpower currently flirting with possibility of ousting Liverpool from coveted 'Merseyside club most likely to finish fourth' race.
Europe - Place where they do unspeakably cruel things to animals and England football teams.
'European Adventure' - Patronising newspaper term for UEFA Cup progress (i.e. elimination) of clubs like Shelbourne, Carmarthen Town and Rangers.
Everywhere (usually 'He's everywhere') - Used to describe a bustling midfield performance by, for instance, Wayne Rooney in which the player manages to kick or abuse every single member of the opposing team.
Exclusive - Publishing term denoting the appearance of identical story in not fewer than five rival newspapers.
Exeter (City) - Nickname the Grecians, once chaired by spoon-bending head-the-ball Uri Geller, briefly flirted with having Gazza as manager.
Eyebrows, LittleOne of the greatest Ronisms, thought to be related to heading the ball. Usually performed at the front stick.
Vukovic Life Ban
Mariners' Vukovic faces likely life ban
By Philip Henderson
Feb 24 (AAP) - Central Coast goalkeeper Danny Vukovic could face a ban of between one year and life after striking the referee in the A-League grand final.
The Olyroos shot-stopper was sent off for violent conduct in the dying seconds of the Mariners 1-0 loss to bitter rivals Newcastle Jets at the Sydney Football Stadium after lashing out at referee Mark Shield for not awarding a late penalty.
The incident is set to come under review by Football Federation Australia's match review committee on Monday, with Vukovic certain to face a disciplinary hearing this week in what will be a dramatic aftermath to a controversial clash.
He faces a lengthy ban - and could yet be rubbed out for all of next season.
Under the FFA's national disciplinary regulations, such a charge of violent conduct, striking an official, carries a recommended sanction of a one-year ban to life suspension.
Mariners coach Lawrie McKinna admitted emotion got the better of his 22-year-old 'keeper.
"I think it's just passion and hunger and when you see something and it doesn't get dealt with, I think its just that," said McKinna.
"We want passionate players and hungry players and it's just disappointing. Sometimes emotions get the better of you and tonight it did with Danny."
In my opinion I reckon that he is too good of a keeper to give him a life ban. Will get a year or 6 months at most. Hell I remember that time chook punched a reef square in the cock and he didn't even get a yellow card.
By Philip Henderson
Feb 24 (AAP) - Central Coast goalkeeper Danny Vukovic could face a ban of between one year and life after striking the referee in the A-League grand final.
The Olyroos shot-stopper was sent off for violent conduct in the dying seconds of the Mariners 1-0 loss to bitter rivals Newcastle Jets at the Sydney Football Stadium after lashing out at referee Mark Shield for not awarding a late penalty.
The incident is set to come under review by Football Federation Australia's match review committee on Monday, with Vukovic certain to face a disciplinary hearing this week in what will be a dramatic aftermath to a controversial clash.
He faces a lengthy ban - and could yet be rubbed out for all of next season.
Under the FFA's national disciplinary regulations, such a charge of violent conduct, striking an official, carries a recommended sanction of a one-year ban to life suspension.
Mariners coach Lawrie McKinna admitted emotion got the better of his 22-year-old 'keeper.
"I think it's just passion and hunger and when you see something and it doesn't get dealt with, I think its just that," said McKinna.
"We want passionate players and hungry players and it's just disappointing. Sometimes emotions get the better of you and tonight it did with Danny."
In my opinion I reckon that he is too good of a keeper to give him a life ban. Will get a year or 6 months at most. Hell I remember that time chook punched a reef square in the cock and he didn't even get a yellow card.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Look at these two tossers
So 442 grabs some of GSE's transfer rumors. We can't really blame them considering that it Chook a lot of pot smoking to make up so many bizzare fucking rumors. Here are two twats who decided to make smart ass comments. Strange that they both have chosen nom digeurs from movies which where pretty shit. Maybe this offers an insight into their warped psychosis. Please dad don't hit me again please dad don't hit me i'll let you touch me wherever you want.
StiflersMom
16/02/2008 9:13:49 AM
Yep for some which were already common knowledge, I must remember these are just rumours but you have players going to more then one club on at least 2 occasions
Ron Burgundy
16/02/2008 2:48:21 PM
You seem to be contradicting your self ALOT!!!! I supose if you put Stuart Musialik and Elrich under every team your bound to get one right. I'd be very suprised if Musialik would leave the Jets for another A-League club. He is a born and bread Novacastrian.
And when Musialik moves to another A League club i'll be sure to message "Ron" and let him know how much of a cunt he is. And then i'll take a big shit in his mouth.
YUM!
StiflersMom
16/02/2008 9:13:49 AM
Yep for some which were already common knowledge, I must remember these are just rumours but you have players going to more then one club on at least 2 occasions
Ron Burgundy
16/02/2008 2:48:21 PM
You seem to be contradicting your self ALOT!!!! I supose if you put Stuart Musialik and Elrich under every team your bound to get one right. I'd be very suprised if Musialik would leave the Jets for another A-League club. He is a born and bread Novacastrian.
And when Musialik moves to another A League club i'll be sure to message "Ron" and let him know how much of a cunt he is. And then i'll take a big shit in his mouth.
YUM!
D is for Dickheads and the people who don't believe us on 442
D - That thing on the edge of the penalty area that doesn't seem to serve much purpose. See Kuyt, Dirk.
Dalglish, Kelly - Sky Sports hottie and daughter of football legend who in no way got her job due to being the hottie daughter of a football legend.
Dalglish, Kenny - Incomprehensible Scot who baffled defenders with his sublime skills on the pitch, baffled interviewers with his mumbled retorts and baffled the city of Liverpool with his sudden resignation.
Dalglish, Paul - See Cruyff, Jordi,
'Danger Area' - Region of indeterminate size usually between the goal-line and the edge of the penalty area - although sometimes overlaps with Beckham Territory.
Darlington - Lower-League outfit best known for having a former safe-cracker as their chairman. A crook running a football club. How could this be?
Denilson - (Original)Briefly (very, very briefly) looked like the best player in the world after 1997 Le Tournoi in France. Transferred to Oooh Betis for staggering sum, then shortly transferred again for merely very large sum, until soon being shunted around for a bag of balls as it became clear that his wicky-wicky leg play and exciting shimmering never actually led to anything at all.
Derby County - Famous for being managed by Brian Clough and having a cursed ground. Also known as the Rams. That's about it.
Derby, Local - Football match where The Form Book Goes Out The Window and where a good ruck is always guaranteed both on pitch and off.
Derisory - Agents' expression used to describe wage offer of 10,000 pounds per week. Confusingly, the word actually means 'insultingly inadequate'.
Dia, Ali - Legendary Southampton striker who, on the recommendation of some bloke pretending to be George Weah, got a game under Graeme Souness. Never figured in the Premiership again, unsurprisingly. Surprisingly, Souness did.
Diabolical - Favourite term of Alan Hansen when glorifying in any defensive error, always with implication that he himself would never have fouled up like that. Also Dreadful, Dear Oh Dear et al.
Diamond Formation - Found around the wrists, necks and probably cocks of our overpaid, undercivilised footballers.
'Diamond Lights' - Hideous Eighties record by Glenn and Chris (Hoddle and Waddle) so dismal that missing a penalty in the World Cup semi-final and losing the England manager's job for loopy comments about the disabled seemed positive triumphs in comparison.
Di Canio, Paolo - Bug-eyed Italian noted for brilliance, hooligan credentials, dodgy political views, shirtless celebrations, thumping ball past Barthez despite latter's 'cunning' arm raise. Lived the dream of every football fan when shoving a referee to the ground in a fit of pique.
Dichio, Danny - Said he would never play for England due to his Italian roots. Presumably explained his record of, erm, zero appearances for the Azzurri by saying that he was too proud of being English to play for Italy.
Did Not See The Incident, I - Sadly-discarded Wengerism formerly used when one of his players had committed a foul worthy of a custodial sentence.
Diet - Eating regimen introduced by wily continentals who, in their cunning foreign cleverness, suggested that eight pints of lager and a black pudding supper might not be the ideal pre-match meal.
Diouf, El Hadji - Spitty nomadic forward prone to flashes of brilliance. Briefly formed one of the game's most likeable strike partnerships with Nicolas Anelka at Bolton.
Dip In Form - Polite way of saying that a player is playing like a total imbecile.
Disorderly, Duncan - Legendary Scotchman striker famed for use of the heid, tattoos, prison, self-reliant approach to solving burglaries.
"Dived, He F******" - Advice given to referees by Neanderthal centre-halves who have just kicked an opposing centre-forward into the stands. Often accompanied by amusing, Barrymore-esque arching-of-the-hands mime.
Diving - Underhand technique used by Argies/Porcos/Frogs/Krauts/other cheating foreign scumbags. Also by heroic sportsmen Michael Owen and Steven Gerrard to win penalties for England, thus displaying the professionalism that is all part of the modern game.
'Does Your Missus Know You're Here?' - Chant from Aston Villa fans upon the departure of David Unsworth, who ended a three-day stint at the club because it was too far to get home in time for lunch.
'Do I Not Like That' - Legendary Taylorism, which echoed, albeit totally incoherently, the thoughts of an entire nation.
Donkey - Piano-playing creature that lives on mineral water. Can buck nastily and throw its rider, as Steve Morrow found out to his cost.
Doors, Early - Advanced Ronglish for the first few minutes of the game. Ideal time for a player, possibly a Little Ratter In Midfield, to Put A Reducer on an opponent.
Dowie, Iain - Looks like a particularly unfashionable caveman, but is surprisingly modern manager.
Draw - Formerly a simple matter of picking sets of teams out of a hat. Now, an insanely complicated process, beloved by UEFA and performable only by an extremely powerful computer. Like Ernie.
Dribble - The art of running along while repeatedly kicking the ball a short distance in front of you. Held in huge esteem in England, where players who can do it are talked of in hushed tones.
Drogba, Didier - Supremely effective, supremely unlovely Chelsea battering ram. Agent says everyone is jealous of him. Hmm, maybe.
Drop Ball - In the past, a situation where two players would stand there kicking lumps out of each other, until eventually the rest of the team joined in. Now, unfortunately, this has been phased out as one player stands back whilst the other simply whacks the ball into touch or back to the other keeper. Pansies.
Dublin, Dion - Famously-endowed striker who moved Sir Alex Ferguson to remark: "Big? It's no just big, it's magnificent."
Duff, Damien - Tricky Irish left-winger who England would have give their eye teeth for over last ten years. See Giggs, Ryan and Grandparents, Surely He Must Have Some English.
Dunne, Richard - Bon viveur and defender.
Dyer, Kieron - Oft-injured forward, film director and feminist. Forerunner to the Baby Bentley movement.
Dynamo - Old-fashioned Ronism for a crap player who runs around a lot. "He's everywhere - he's the dynamo of the team." Esp. when Ron is not sure of the player's name.
Dalglish, Kelly - Sky Sports hottie and daughter of football legend who in no way got her job due to being the hottie daughter of a football legend.
Dalglish, Kenny - Incomprehensible Scot who baffled defenders with his sublime skills on the pitch, baffled interviewers with his mumbled retorts and baffled the city of Liverpool with his sudden resignation.
Dalglish, Paul - See Cruyff, Jordi,
'Danger Area' - Region of indeterminate size usually between the goal-line and the edge of the penalty area - although sometimes overlaps with Beckham Territory.
Darlington - Lower-League outfit best known for having a former safe-cracker as their chairman. A crook running a football club. How could this be?
Denilson - (Original)Briefly (very, very briefly) looked like the best player in the world after 1997 Le Tournoi in France. Transferred to Oooh Betis for staggering sum, then shortly transferred again for merely very large sum, until soon being shunted around for a bag of balls as it became clear that his wicky-wicky leg play and exciting shimmering never actually led to anything at all.
Derby County - Famous for being managed by Brian Clough and having a cursed ground. Also known as the Rams. That's about it.
Derby, Local - Football match where The Form Book Goes Out The Window and where a good ruck is always guaranteed both on pitch and off.
Derisory - Agents' expression used to describe wage offer of 10,000 pounds per week. Confusingly, the word actually means 'insultingly inadequate'.
Dia, Ali - Legendary Southampton striker who, on the recommendation of some bloke pretending to be George Weah, got a game under Graeme Souness. Never figured in the Premiership again, unsurprisingly. Surprisingly, Souness did.
Diabolical - Favourite term of Alan Hansen when glorifying in any defensive error, always with implication that he himself would never have fouled up like that. Also Dreadful, Dear Oh Dear et al.
Diamond Formation - Found around the wrists, necks and probably cocks of our overpaid, undercivilised footballers.
'Diamond Lights' - Hideous Eighties record by Glenn and Chris (Hoddle and Waddle) so dismal that missing a penalty in the World Cup semi-final and losing the England manager's job for loopy comments about the disabled seemed positive triumphs in comparison.
Di Canio, Paolo - Bug-eyed Italian noted for brilliance, hooligan credentials, dodgy political views, shirtless celebrations, thumping ball past Barthez despite latter's 'cunning' arm raise. Lived the dream of every football fan when shoving a referee to the ground in a fit of pique.
Dichio, Danny - Said he would never play for England due to his Italian roots. Presumably explained his record of, erm, zero appearances for the Azzurri by saying that he was too proud of being English to play for Italy.
Did Not See The Incident, I - Sadly-discarded Wengerism formerly used when one of his players had committed a foul worthy of a custodial sentence.
Diet - Eating regimen introduced by wily continentals who, in their cunning foreign cleverness, suggested that eight pints of lager and a black pudding supper might not be the ideal pre-match meal.
Diouf, El Hadji - Spitty nomadic forward prone to flashes of brilliance. Briefly formed one of the game's most likeable strike partnerships with Nicolas Anelka at Bolton.
Dip In Form - Polite way of saying that a player is playing like a total imbecile.
Disorderly, Duncan - Legendary Scotchman striker famed for use of the heid, tattoos, prison, self-reliant approach to solving burglaries.
"Dived, He F******" - Advice given to referees by Neanderthal centre-halves who have just kicked an opposing centre-forward into the stands. Often accompanied by amusing, Barrymore-esque arching-of-the-hands mime.
Diving - Underhand technique used by Argies/Porcos/Frogs/Krauts/other cheating foreign scumbags. Also by heroic sportsmen Michael Owen and Steven Gerrard to win penalties for England, thus displaying the professionalism that is all part of the modern game.
'Does Your Missus Know You're Here?' - Chant from Aston Villa fans upon the departure of David Unsworth, who ended a three-day stint at the club because it was too far to get home in time for lunch.
'Do I Not Like That' - Legendary Taylorism, which echoed, albeit totally incoherently, the thoughts of an entire nation.
Donkey - Piano-playing creature that lives on mineral water. Can buck nastily and throw its rider, as Steve Morrow found out to his cost.
Doors, Early - Advanced Ronglish for the first few minutes of the game. Ideal time for a player, possibly a Little Ratter In Midfield, to Put A Reducer on an opponent.
Dowie, Iain - Looks like a particularly unfashionable caveman, but is surprisingly modern manager.
Draw - Formerly a simple matter of picking sets of teams out of a hat. Now, an insanely complicated process, beloved by UEFA and performable only by an extremely powerful computer. Like Ernie.
Dribble - The art of running along while repeatedly kicking the ball a short distance in front of you. Held in huge esteem in England, where players who can do it are talked of in hushed tones.
Drogba, Didier - Supremely effective, supremely unlovely Chelsea battering ram. Agent says everyone is jealous of him. Hmm, maybe.
Drop Ball - In the past, a situation where two players would stand there kicking lumps out of each other, until eventually the rest of the team joined in. Now, unfortunately, this has been phased out as one player stands back whilst the other simply whacks the ball into touch or back to the other keeper. Pansies.
Dublin, Dion - Famously-endowed striker who moved Sir Alex Ferguson to remark: "Big? It's no just big, it's magnificent."
Duff, Damien - Tricky Irish left-winger who England would have give their eye teeth for over last ten years. See Giggs, Ryan and Grandparents, Surely He Must Have Some English.
Dunne, Richard - Bon viveur and defender.
Dyer, Kieron - Oft-injured forward, film director and feminist. Forerunner to the Baby Bentley movement.
Dynamo - Old-fashioned Ronism for a crap player who runs around a lot. "He's everywhere - he's the dynamo of the team." Esp. when Ron is not sure of the player's name.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
C is for Chook and....
Caesar, Gus - Mass nightmarish hallucination shared by Arsenal fans in the late 1980s.
Calcio - Italian word for football, desperately overused in Britain in the 1990s in a vain attempt to lend the game a more continental, cultured approach. Popular with cafe owners, broadsheet columnists, Channel Four. Reached apogee in Tim Parks' almost supernaturally smug 2002 book, A Season With Verona.
Camara, Titi - Ex-Liverpool, West Ham and Addams Family frontman with a wonderfully versatile name for tabloid editors. The headline 'Smile for the Camara' was perfect for when the striker hit the net for his team. Unfortunately, it was never needed. 'What A Titi' was.
Campbell, Sulzeer (Sol) - Evil Judas-like character who betrayed his adoring fans at Tottenham Hotspur, demonstrating the twisted foulness in his soul. Attempted to claim that the attractions at Arsenal of European football, world-class team-mates, domestic trophies, professional coaching and a proper salary were involved, but few believed this flimsy excuse. Later snapped up by 'Onest 'Arry at Sarf Coast Motors.
Campo, Ivan - Magnificently-barneted Spaniard who, after paying his dues and learning his trade at unfashionable Real Madrid, finally got his dream move to Bolton Wanderers.
Campos, Jorge - Rubber-limbed midget goalkeeper who briefly enlivened Mexican team after retirement of Hugo Sanchez. Famed for short-sleeved, hideous goalie shirts which confused officials and commentators the world over.
Cantona, Eric - Inspirational footballer for Manchester United who heartily embraced the FA campaign to 'kick racism out of football'. Latterly porky jobbing actor and beach soccer regular.
'Can We Not Just Knock It?' - Inspirational tactical offering by former England manager Graham Taylor.
Capello, Fabio - Footballing visionary whose outlandish notions include players passing the ball to members of own team and turning up for work on time.
Caprice - Highly-desirable model who emulated fellow animal rights beauty Brigitte Bardot by briefly taking care of an old donkey.
'Captain Marvel' - Tabloid headline for a skipper who scores, no matter how dreadful thre player.
Cardiff - Team renowned for friendly fans. City was also temporary home of the FA Cup Final. Doesn't rhyme as well as Wem-ber-lee.
Careful, He's Got To Be - Popular phrase used by commentators for whenever a player already on a yellow card commits the sort of foul that really should lead to between 18 months and four years in prison. Also used when player can be clearly lip-read as screaming, "You've got to be f***** joking, you c***." in the ref's face. See Rooney, Wayne.
Carlisle United - Were actually top of the old First Division in 1974/5 after winning their first three games. Went on to be relegated the same season and have never won anything since. Former owner/chairman/manager/occasional substitute claimed to have seen a UFO and been spoken to by aliens. See Knighton, Michael.
Carlos, Roberto - Much-loved Irish free-kick expert whose banana benders always promised more than they delivered. Had brilliant personal website, whose inexpert English translation advised aspiring footballers 'never fight with the rooters'. Wise words.
Carragher, Jamie - Liverpool stopper who is living proof that you don't have to speak English to be a success in English football.
Celtic - Leading Scottish football club. Have won 88 domestic trophies and one European trophy. See League, Tinpot.
Chadwick, Luke - Hideously-featured winger thought to be the first player used solely for shock value.
Channels - Mythical part of the football pitch often referred to by commentators, as in, "He's run the channels all night". See Atkinson, Ron.
Charlie - Mysterious former acquaintance of Paul Merson.
Charlton, Sir Bobby - Erstwhile comb-over king, former Preston manager and ambassadorial type who still never looks quite comfortable at it.
Charlton, Jack - Hero of 1966 and all that, famous for managing Ireland, incomprehensibility, fishing, dodgy baseball hats, incredible levels of abuse at 1994 WC officials.
Cheeky - Demonstrating the British love of irony, adjective applied to former midfield clogger Dennis Wise.
Chelsea - Billionaire's plaything who achieved one of football's most prestigious doubles over seasons 2004-2006 when becoming more boring than Liverpool and more disliked than Manchester United.
Chesterfield - Small town in Derbyshire famous for wonky spire, having FA Cup final appearance cruelly denied them by David Elleray blunder and dodgy ground/financial dealings.
Chopper - Term prefixing surname of team's 'hatchet' man. Each Sunday League team is obliged to have one. Or risk expulsion from the league.
City - Catch-all nickname for any team whose name contains the word 'City' and who are too dull to think of anything better. See Blues, The.
Clanger, Dropped An Absolute - A cringingly awful mistake, traditionally made by keepers, sometimes deciding the result of the game. See Robinson, Paul.
Clash - A match between two teams. Often 'table-topping'.
Cliché - A trite phrase or expression. Eg. "As I say, at the end of the day, after a game of two halves, it's the result that counts. And fair play to them." See Redknapp, Jamie.
Clichy, Gaël - One of those foreign footballer names that always makes you smile a bit.
Clough, Brian - Ditch-kipping pickled genius famous for making two clubs that detest each other more successful than either had any right to be. Made the phrase 'Young Man' refer to more than just the Village People's biggest hit.
Cold, Couldn't Catch A - Semi-amusing label given to butter-fingered keepers, esp. those flapping at crosses. See James, Calamity; 'Dracula, We Used To Call Him...' etc and various other Lawroisms, inc 'Mother, He's Come Out Waving To His'.
Cole, Andrew (nee Andy) - Forward who, unlike his strike partner Dwight Yorke, often needed five chances to score. In 2000, pompously announced that he no longer wished to be known as Andy. Managed to top even that in 2002, though, when he 'announced his retirement from international football'.
Cole, Ashley - Full-back at his best when playing away from home. Was reportedly sick in car of slapper and told her "she should be grateful that Ashley Cole was sick in her car". Class.
Cole, Carlton - Gangly striker, described by Claudio Ranieri as "my young lion" and increasingly described by West Ham fans as "our young donkey".
Cole, Joe - The last of the famous four Cole Brothers (see above), Joe was lost on a visit to the zoo as a child and was brought up by performing seals.
Collina, Pierluigi - Terrifying, bug-eyed referee who not even Roy Keane tried to mess with. Was seemingly unique amongst match officials in actually being rather good at it.
Collins, John - Determined Scotcher who walked out on Hibs just one day before the manager's job at former club Fulham became available. It was just an amazing coincidence, he said. Rather amusingly, Roy Hodgson was subsequently appointed manager of Fulham. Not to be confused with John, Collins.
Collymore, Stan - Troubled but briefly wonderful striker formerly addicted to risky sex who now seems to be addicted to being on the radio every bleedin' minute of the day.
Community Shield (formerly Charity Shield) - Dull pre-season match, always played while football fans are on holiday, forcing English people in Florida and Turkey to watch hours of CNN in the hope of finding out the result.
Courtney, George - Top Eighties referee who was famously asked by a caller on live Saturday morning children's television: "Why do people call you George C**tney?"
Creeper - Multi-purpose Big Ronism used when real words fail him. Eg. "That pass was a bit of a creeper" or "The little lad up front's what I like to call a creeper".
Crewe - Famous for Dario Gradi, railways, So Solid.
Crouch, Peter - Marvellously Dickensian-sounding footballer, famed for tallness, robot dancing and improbably attractive, although distinctly mucky, WAG.
'Crowd Pleaser' - Very fast/tricky/skilful but generally useless player. See Lennon, Aaron.
Cruyff, Johann - One of the finest players ever, key part of one of the best teams ever assembled, 33 goals in 48 internationals, brilliant manager. Famous smoker, gave up and substituted tabs with Chupa Chup lollies. Legend.
Cruyff, Jordi - Son of Johann. Purchased by Sir Fergie after brief success in Euro 96. Proof that the apple can sometimes fall a long, long way from the tree.
Cultured - Adjective often applied to a left, but never right, foot. See also educated.
'C***, Take That You' - Traditional Irish greeting esp. popular in Manchester.
Cup, Magic Of The - Traditional phrase used on third and fourth round day, even as Manchester United thirds are giving Swindon or whoever a right good seeing-to.
Cup, The - Target for the season of mediocre, mid-table clubs (see Villa, Aston and Hotspur, Tottenham), who then inevitably see it collected by a Top Three team anyway.
Curtain-Raiser, Traditional - Inevitable label given to the Community Shield, its August date being the first competitive game of the new term. Unless you are in the Intertoto Cup, or in Scotland, when half the league season and two or three cups have probably already been completed.
Calcio - Italian word for football, desperately overused in Britain in the 1990s in a vain attempt to lend the game a more continental, cultured approach. Popular with cafe owners, broadsheet columnists, Channel Four. Reached apogee in Tim Parks' almost supernaturally smug 2002 book, A Season With Verona.
Camara, Titi - Ex-Liverpool, West Ham and Addams Family frontman with a wonderfully versatile name for tabloid editors. The headline 'Smile for the Camara' was perfect for when the striker hit the net for his team. Unfortunately, it was never needed. 'What A Titi' was.
Campbell, Sulzeer (Sol) - Evil Judas-like character who betrayed his adoring fans at Tottenham Hotspur, demonstrating the twisted foulness in his soul. Attempted to claim that the attractions at Arsenal of European football, world-class team-mates, domestic trophies, professional coaching and a proper salary were involved, but few believed this flimsy excuse. Later snapped up by 'Onest 'Arry at Sarf Coast Motors.
Campo, Ivan - Magnificently-barneted Spaniard who, after paying his dues and learning his trade at unfashionable Real Madrid, finally got his dream move to Bolton Wanderers.
Campos, Jorge - Rubber-limbed midget goalkeeper who briefly enlivened Mexican team after retirement of Hugo Sanchez. Famed for short-sleeved, hideous goalie shirts which confused officials and commentators the world over.
Cantona, Eric - Inspirational footballer for Manchester United who heartily embraced the FA campaign to 'kick racism out of football'. Latterly porky jobbing actor and beach soccer regular.
'Can We Not Just Knock It?' - Inspirational tactical offering by former England manager Graham Taylor.
Capello, Fabio - Footballing visionary whose outlandish notions include players passing the ball to members of own team and turning up for work on time.
Caprice - Highly-desirable model who emulated fellow animal rights beauty Brigitte Bardot by briefly taking care of an old donkey.
'Captain Marvel' - Tabloid headline for a skipper who scores, no matter how dreadful thre player.
Cardiff - Team renowned for friendly fans. City was also temporary home of the FA Cup Final. Doesn't rhyme as well as Wem-ber-lee.
Careful, He's Got To Be - Popular phrase used by commentators for whenever a player already on a yellow card commits the sort of foul that really should lead to between 18 months and four years in prison. Also used when player can be clearly lip-read as screaming, "You've got to be f***** joking, you c***." in the ref's face. See Rooney, Wayne.
Carlisle United - Were actually top of the old First Division in 1974/5 after winning their first three games. Went on to be relegated the same season and have never won anything since. Former owner/chairman/manager/occasional substitute claimed to have seen a UFO and been spoken to by aliens. See Knighton, Michael.
Carlos, Roberto - Much-loved Irish free-kick expert whose banana benders always promised more than they delivered. Had brilliant personal website, whose inexpert English translation advised aspiring footballers 'never fight with the rooters'. Wise words.
Carragher, Jamie - Liverpool stopper who is living proof that you don't have to speak English to be a success in English football.
Celtic - Leading Scottish football club. Have won 88 domestic trophies and one European trophy. See League, Tinpot.
Chadwick, Luke - Hideously-featured winger thought to be the first player used solely for shock value.
Channels - Mythical part of the football pitch often referred to by commentators, as in, "He's run the channels all night". See Atkinson, Ron.
Charlie - Mysterious former acquaintance of Paul Merson.
Charlton, Sir Bobby - Erstwhile comb-over king, former Preston manager and ambassadorial type who still never looks quite comfortable at it.
Charlton, Jack - Hero of 1966 and all that, famous for managing Ireland, incomprehensibility, fishing, dodgy baseball hats, incredible levels of abuse at 1994 WC officials.
Cheeky - Demonstrating the British love of irony, adjective applied to former midfield clogger Dennis Wise.
Chelsea - Billionaire's plaything who achieved one of football's most prestigious doubles over seasons 2004-2006 when becoming more boring than Liverpool and more disliked than Manchester United.
Chesterfield - Small town in Derbyshire famous for wonky spire, having FA Cup final appearance cruelly denied them by David Elleray blunder and dodgy ground/financial dealings.
Chopper - Term prefixing surname of team's 'hatchet' man. Each Sunday League team is obliged to have one. Or risk expulsion from the league.
City - Catch-all nickname for any team whose name contains the word 'City' and who are too dull to think of anything better. See Blues, The.
Clanger, Dropped An Absolute - A cringingly awful mistake, traditionally made by keepers, sometimes deciding the result of the game. See Robinson, Paul.
Clash - A match between two teams. Often 'table-topping'.
Cliché - A trite phrase or expression. Eg. "As I say, at the end of the day, after a game of two halves, it's the result that counts. And fair play to them." See Redknapp, Jamie.
Clichy, Gaël - One of those foreign footballer names that always makes you smile a bit.
Clough, Brian - Ditch-kipping pickled genius famous for making two clubs that detest each other more successful than either had any right to be. Made the phrase 'Young Man' refer to more than just the Village People's biggest hit.
Cold, Couldn't Catch A - Semi-amusing label given to butter-fingered keepers, esp. those flapping at crosses. See James, Calamity; 'Dracula, We Used To Call Him...' etc and various other Lawroisms, inc 'Mother, He's Come Out Waving To His'.
Cole, Andrew (nee Andy) - Forward who, unlike his strike partner Dwight Yorke, often needed five chances to score. In 2000, pompously announced that he no longer wished to be known as Andy. Managed to top even that in 2002, though, when he 'announced his retirement from international football'.
Cole, Ashley - Full-back at his best when playing away from home. Was reportedly sick in car of slapper and told her "she should be grateful that Ashley Cole was sick in her car". Class.
Cole, Carlton - Gangly striker, described by Claudio Ranieri as "my young lion" and increasingly described by West Ham fans as "our young donkey".
Cole, Joe - The last of the famous four Cole Brothers (see above), Joe was lost on a visit to the zoo as a child and was brought up by performing seals.
Collina, Pierluigi - Terrifying, bug-eyed referee who not even Roy Keane tried to mess with. Was seemingly unique amongst match officials in actually being rather good at it.
Collins, John - Determined Scotcher who walked out on Hibs just one day before the manager's job at former club Fulham became available. It was just an amazing coincidence, he said. Rather amusingly, Roy Hodgson was subsequently appointed manager of Fulham. Not to be confused with John, Collins.
Collymore, Stan - Troubled but briefly wonderful striker formerly addicted to risky sex who now seems to be addicted to being on the radio every bleedin' minute of the day.
Community Shield (formerly Charity Shield) - Dull pre-season match, always played while football fans are on holiday, forcing English people in Florida and Turkey to watch hours of CNN in the hope of finding out the result.
Courtney, George - Top Eighties referee who was famously asked by a caller on live Saturday morning children's television: "Why do people call you George C**tney?"
Creeper - Multi-purpose Big Ronism used when real words fail him. Eg. "That pass was a bit of a creeper" or "The little lad up front's what I like to call a creeper".
Crewe - Famous for Dario Gradi, railways, So Solid.
Crouch, Peter - Marvellously Dickensian-sounding footballer, famed for tallness, robot dancing and improbably attractive, although distinctly mucky, WAG.
'Crowd Pleaser' - Very fast/tricky/skilful but generally useless player. See Lennon, Aaron.
Cruyff, Johann - One of the finest players ever, key part of one of the best teams ever assembled, 33 goals in 48 internationals, brilliant manager. Famous smoker, gave up and substituted tabs with Chupa Chup lollies. Legend.
Cruyff, Jordi - Son of Johann. Purchased by Sir Fergie after brief success in Euro 96. Proof that the apple can sometimes fall a long, long way from the tree.
Cultured - Adjective often applied to a left, but never right, foot. See also educated.
'C***, Take That You' - Traditional Irish greeting esp. popular in Manchester.
Cup, Magic Of The - Traditional phrase used on third and fourth round day, even as Manchester United thirds are giving Swindon or whoever a right good seeing-to.
Cup, The - Target for the season of mediocre, mid-table clubs (see Villa, Aston and Hotspur, Tottenham), who then inevitably see it collected by a Top Three team anyway.
Curtain-Raiser, Traditional - Inevitable label given to the Community Shield, its August date being the first competitive game of the new term. Unless you are in the Intertoto Cup, or in Scotland, when half the league season and two or three cups have probably already been completed.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Cacares song now for Celeski
MELBOURNE Victory have lost the battle to keep Adrian Caceres with the dazzling attacker agreeing a deal with Central Coast Mariners.
Melbourne Victory will part ways with Caceres and move to the Central Coast after the Asian Champions League 2008."Following on from the re-signing of five integral members of our current line-up – Nigel Boogaard, John Hutchinson, Mile Jedinak, Brad Porter and Matt Simon, we’re delighted to have secured the services of one of the A-League’s most effective players in the final third in Adrian Caceres," said Mariners Deputy Chairman Peter Turnbull.
"We see Adrian as a player that will complement our already very strong attacking stocks and importantly, one whose experience in the Hyundai A-League is as good as any player to have played in the league over its three seasons.
"As we build on our Premiership success from this season, the experience and winning mentality that a player like Adrian brings to our club augurs exceptionally well for our future seasons.
"On behalf of the board of the Mariners, our coaching staff and each of our members and supporters, I welcome Adrian to our club and hope to see him scoring the type of goals that he has become renowned for in yellow and navy before too long."
Turnbull added: "We said before the current season that our line-up was the strongest that we had ever put together and I’m very confident that we’re on track to improve again for season four and Adrian’s signing is a clear demonstration of this.
"For a player of Adrian’s calibre to identify with the future ambition of our club is testament to the direction that we are heading in – a direction that I am certain will see our club become the best football club in Australia."
Caceres, 26, spent two seasons with Victory after arriving from Perth Glory in 2006 and will feature in the Group Stage of Asia’s most prestigious tournament before moving to the Mariners ahead of the 2008/09 season.
Victory Football Operations Manager Gary Cole said: “The contract renewal process initially started around three months ago and has been more hands on over the last five weeks.
“We tried very hard to keep Adrian and we’ve given it our best shot, but it’s not to be, so we wish him well.
“Adrian’s registered, along with all other Melbourne Victory players, for the AFC Champions League and his contract expires on June 30, so we expect him to go through and honour that.
“He’s been a good player, the fans like him and he’s done a good job, but he obviously thinks moving to Central Coast is a better opportunity for him.
“That’s the nature of football, players come and players go and we’ll replace him and replace him well.”
Caceres was first introduced to the international football landscape as a 17-year-old with Western Australia Premier League side Perth SC, who had their prized talent bought by then English Premier League challengers Southampton in time for their 2000/01 campaign.
One season at the Dell alongside English football legend Matt Le Tissier did not unfortunately see Caceres contribute any match time to the Saints’ campaign and a move to the lower tiers of English football would soon follow.
The 2001/02 English season saw Caceres enjoy loan spells at Brentford in ��'Football League 1 and Hull City in the Football League 2, before Caceres returned to Australia to join his local club, the Perth Glory, for the 2002/03 National Soccer League (NSL) season.
Caceres’ made 18 appearances and netted four goals upon his return – helping inspire the Glory to their maiden NSL Championship, before playing a greater role in replicating the club’s success the following season to the tune of four goals from 25 appearances.
Following the demise of the NSL, Caceres again returned to England for one season, which began at Football League 2 club Yeovil where he netted a goal on debut away to Bury, and ended with short spells at Football League 2 rivals Wycombe and Conference League contenders Aldershot.
The inception of the A-League in 2005/06 saw Caceres re-join Perth Glory, where he played a key role throughout the Glory’s inaugural campaign.
Such form earned Caceres a move across the Nullarbor to Melbourne, where he has starred for the Victorian team over two consistent seasons.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Pim Culls Squad Down To 21
SOCCEROOS coach Pim Verbeek has culled his 39-man squad down to 21...before axing three more later for his final 18.
Just seven A-League players have made it into the last 21, and three of them are likely to be cut in the final selection which now looks like only being made shortly before kick-off against Qatar.Michael Thwaite is one of those axed from the squad, despite being one of the first Euroroos to arrive in Australia after signing for Norwegian champs SK Brann on the way.
"I have released several players this morning, who will return immediately to their Hyundai A-League clubs," said Verbeek.
"It is important that, having made my decision they would not be in the final squad, I allow them to return home, especially those players that have an Hyundai A-League finals series match this weekend."
"I now have a squad of 21 players which will be reduced to 18 for the match tomorrow."
"I want to thank the players who have departed for attending the camp for their participation and contribution.
"The 2010 World Cup campaign is a long and challenging journey and everyone will play their part to help us qualify for the World Cup."
The latest squad is:-
John Aloisi, Mark Bresciano, Jacob Burns, Tim Cahill, David Carney, Ante Covic, Jason Culina, Brett Emerton, Brett Holman, Josh Kennedy, Scott McDonald, Craig Moore, Lucas Neill, Jade North, Mark Schwarzer, Archie Thompson, Nikolai Topor-Stanley, James Troisi, Carl Valeri, Danny Vukovic, Luke Wilkshire.
Players omitted:-
Beauchamp, Bridge, Brosque, Carle, Colosimo, Djite, Dodd, Grella, A&J Griffiths, Holland, Kewell, Milligan, Muscat, Musialik, Pondeljak, Thwaite, Vargas.
Celeski Set Free To Join Victory
PERTH Glory has freed midfielder Billy Celeski from the remaining year of his contract, clearing the way for him to join Melbourne Victory.
Following lengthy discussions with the 22 year old, coach Dave Mitchell has agreed to let the young Victorian pursue other playing options.He could now feature for Melbourne in the Asian Champions League campaign if the move goes ahead.
“While I’m disappointed to see a young player with potential move on, I’m also mindful that to achieve success at the club going forward we must have a squad that will give everything to our cause,” Mitchell said.
“It’s not a decision we’ve taken lightly however we feel it is the best outcome for both the player and for Perth Glory’s future aspirations.”
Celeski joined Perth on a two-year deal prior to the 2007/08 A-League season where he played 14 matches and scored four goals, including a hat trick against Sydney FC in round 17.
It was the midfielder’s second stint at the club after playing the first A-League season with Glory where he made 18 appearances.
“I wish Billy all the best for his future in the domestic competition and also his bid to secure a place with the Olyroos at the Beijing Olympic Games,” Mitchell said.
Perth’s recruiting for next season is continuing and Mitchell said he was happy with the progress being made with several new players and discussions with a number of others the club has offered renewed contracts.
“I’m a little bit fussy with bringing players in and it will take some time to get everything completed, which is ok because we don’t need them next week, however I am mindful of getting them here for a full pre-season program,” Mitchell said.
“I want to do thorough checks and make sure the players that come to the Glory have all the attributes we’re looking for and will fit with the culture of the club,” he added.
B is for......
Babbel, Markus - Former Liverpool defender who, in one of the most surreal football stories of all time, was 'cured' of a serious debilitating disease by Chris De Burgh.
Badge, Spotter's - No idea what this means. See Atkinson, Ron.
Ball, Going For The - Absurd claim made by generations of violent midfielders as they hack yet another player to the ground in furious rage. Sometimes accompanied by a hand gesture akin to a gypsy looking into a crystal ball, esp when protesting to a continental referee.
Ballooned - See Lee, Dong-Gook.
Barcelona - City which hosted the greatest and most courageous comeback in the history of professional sport on a glorious night in 1999 that no person living at the time will ever forget. It was in the 89th minute when substitute Teddy... (continued ad nauseam in any commentary by Clive Tyldesley).
Bargy, Argy - Headline guaranteed to appear in all tabloids leading up to and immediately following every England versus Argentina clash.
Barnes, John - Rapper and model who recommended quaffing Lucozade Isotonic as a cure for '90 minutes of sheer hell'. Sales immediately rose among those forced to sit through one of his many non-performances for England. Latterly wearer of rakish suits, really awful football manager and, arguably, equally awful football presenter.
Barton, Joey - If anyone can get the lad on an even keel, it's Kevin Keegan. Right? Joey? Joey? Arrrrghhhh! Not me face Joey! Arrrrgh!
Bates, Ken - Papa Smurf type whose proposed solution for keeping his unruly Blue followers on the straight-and-narrow was...electric fencing. Latterly in charge of those nice people up in Leeds.
Batty, David - Midfield trundler famous for fight with Graeme Le Saux; passing ball sideways; missed pen.
BBC - Channel that, legend has it, once showed live League football.
Beagrie, Peter - Back-flipper.
Beardsley, Peter - Handsome striker and noted public speaker. Obviously.
Beckenbauer, Franz - German defender known as the Kaiser. Wife stayed with him even though he knocked up a secretary. Displayed unsuspected comic flair when explaining the up-knockage thusly: "This has been a very difficult time for both of us. Especially my wife."
Beckham, David - Spokesperson, fashion icon, movie actor, father, husband, model and occasional football player for the Los Angeles Botoxers or whatever it is they are called. Stuck on 99 caps since arrival of manager unswayed by anecdotes of going round Tom Cruise's for tea, chance to meet wife etc.
Beckham, Victoria - Founder WAG who, according to terrace legend, enjoyed nothing better than a trip to the home of Arsène Wenger's north London outfit.
Bellamy, Craig - Keen golfer and enjoyer of a quiet night in, famous for taunting Alan Shearer via text message. Also allegedly turned down move to Birmingham City by texting his then-chairman Freddie Shepherd. "I am Craig Bellamy and I don't sign for s*** football clubs." We'll see.
Benayoun, Yossi - Liverpool player. Luckily, already has Scouse name.
Benfica - Portuguese side who have featured great players like Eusebio and Scott Minto. Have announced plans for a new stadium - to be called 'Roker Park'.
Benitez, Rafael - Tinkerman who enjoyed incredible success in early days of Liverpool career but now looking as vulnerable to US interference as a Central American banana republic.
Benjani - Nicknamed 'The Undertaker' in his native Zimbabwe for his ability to bury teams, it says here. Tardy.
Berkovic, Eyal - Mercurial midget noted for one half of kung-fu training video when he interrupted a West Ham training session to attack John Hartson's boot with his jaw.
Best, George - Late football genius, shagger, star. Sadly pissed.
Bilic, Slaven - Dirty foreign sort who not only had the cheek to coach a team capable of beating mighty England twice, but then had the gall to suggest that perhaps his vanquished opponents were not quite as good as they think they are.
Blues, The - Unimaginative, last resort, can't-think-of-anything-better team nickname. Traditionally given to teams which play in blue.
Board, The - People who give a manager their full and vocal support about two days before giving him the sack. See Confidence, The Dreaded Vote Of
Bollix - From the Irish, a cubby hole for keeping assorted items with no other appropriate storage space, as in 'Stick it up your bollix'. See: C***, you f****** English.
'Boo Boys' - The section of a club's supporters who inexplicably take it upon themselves to target a player for criticism if he is not trying, failing to score for months at a time, being rubbish etc. See: Knockers, the.
Bowyer, Lee - Community-minded ambassador for the game, scholar and gentleman.
Brady, Karen - CEO of Birmingham City, married to Paul Peschisolido. Immortalised in numerous amusing terrace songs, all of them too earthy to reprint here.
Brazil, Alan - Thirsty Scotch footballer-turned-pundit whose finest hour came in Talksport Radio exchange with Mike Parry thus:
AB: "It was so sad to hear this morning of the death of John Shaw."
MP: "That's John Thaw, Alan"
AB: "Do you know, I keep getting his name wrong. John, if you're listening, sorry mate."
'Brazil, It's Just Like Watching' - Song sung by any rubbish team when they occasionally string more than two passes together. Thought to originate from Barnsley.
'Brian The Postman' - Alter-ego of Dwight Yorke while at Aston Villa. Oft-sighted in Brum nightclubs (and later in Sunday newspaper kiss-and-tells) prior to Yorke's departure for Manchester United. Flashed surprising amount of cash for a postal worker and lived in mansion studded with Yorke-related memorabilia, but was definitely not him.
Brolin, Tomas - Danced round England in Euro 1992 and, for a while, was brilliant. Then went to Leeds and became fat and rubbish. Later sold hoovers and shoes online, made a record with Doctor Alban and a jacuzzi video.
Brooking, Sir (formerly Trevor) - Nice but very boring man who talks about West Ham for a living.
Broom, New - Something an arriving manager tends to bring with him. Not sure why.
Brown, Craig - Amusingly "Donald Where's Your Troosers" type Scottish bungler turned phlegmatic pudit.
Brown, Wes - Is orange.
Bruce, Steve - Bernard-Cribbins-a-like manager currently flirting with relegation at Wigan. If by flirting you mean "he's taken relegation back to his place and is all set to give it a right good seeing-to".
'Brucie, Brucie, What's The Score?' - Question asked by Anfield regulars in the 1980s, and subsequently by Malaysian gambling syndicates, The News Of The World and various legal types.
Bubbles, I'm Forever Blowing - Song sung by West Ham fans. Also punchline of eighties joke about Michael Jackson.
Busby, Sir Matt - Great player for Liverpool and Manchester City about whose later career little is known. So thick was his Scottish accent, occupation is actually listed in 1930s Manchester census as "fruitboiler".
Butt, Nicholas (also 'Licky') - Painfully ginger Newcastle United midfielder whose name provides gleeful opportunities for pundits/commentators to indulge in sniggersome schoolboy innuendo along the lines of 'Pele likes Butt'. See also Camara, Titi; Fuchs; Argel; Kuntz, Stefan; Seaman, David; Shittu, Danny et al.
Badge, Spotter's - No idea what this means. See Atkinson, Ron.
Ball, Going For The - Absurd claim made by generations of violent midfielders as they hack yet another player to the ground in furious rage. Sometimes accompanied by a hand gesture akin to a gypsy looking into a crystal ball, esp when protesting to a continental referee.
Ballooned - See Lee, Dong-Gook.
Barcelona - City which hosted the greatest and most courageous comeback in the history of professional sport on a glorious night in 1999 that no person living at the time will ever forget. It was in the 89th minute when substitute Teddy... (continued ad nauseam in any commentary by Clive Tyldesley).
Bargy, Argy - Headline guaranteed to appear in all tabloids leading up to and immediately following every England versus Argentina clash.
Barnes, John - Rapper and model who recommended quaffing Lucozade Isotonic as a cure for '90 minutes of sheer hell'. Sales immediately rose among those forced to sit through one of his many non-performances for England. Latterly wearer of rakish suits, really awful football manager and, arguably, equally awful football presenter.
Barton, Joey - If anyone can get the lad on an even keel, it's Kevin Keegan. Right? Joey? Joey? Arrrrghhhh! Not me face Joey! Arrrrgh!
Bates, Ken - Papa Smurf type whose proposed solution for keeping his unruly Blue followers on the straight-and-narrow was...electric fencing. Latterly in charge of those nice people up in Leeds.
Batty, David - Midfield trundler famous for fight with Graeme Le Saux; passing ball sideways; missed pen.
BBC - Channel that, legend has it, once showed live League football.
Beagrie, Peter - Back-flipper.
Beardsley, Peter - Handsome striker and noted public speaker. Obviously.
Beckenbauer, Franz - German defender known as the Kaiser. Wife stayed with him even though he knocked up a secretary. Displayed unsuspected comic flair when explaining the up-knockage thusly: "This has been a very difficult time for both of us. Especially my wife."
Beckham, David - Spokesperson, fashion icon, movie actor, father, husband, model and occasional football player for the Los Angeles Botoxers or whatever it is they are called. Stuck on 99 caps since arrival of manager unswayed by anecdotes of going round Tom Cruise's for tea, chance to meet wife etc.
Beckham, Victoria - Founder WAG who, according to terrace legend, enjoyed nothing better than a trip to the home of Arsène Wenger's north London outfit.
Bellamy, Craig - Keen golfer and enjoyer of a quiet night in, famous for taunting Alan Shearer via text message. Also allegedly turned down move to Birmingham City by texting his then-chairman Freddie Shepherd. "I am Craig Bellamy and I don't sign for s*** football clubs." We'll see.
Benayoun, Yossi - Liverpool player. Luckily, already has Scouse name.
Benfica - Portuguese side who have featured great players like Eusebio and Scott Minto. Have announced plans for a new stadium - to be called 'Roker Park'.
Benitez, Rafael - Tinkerman who enjoyed incredible success in early days of Liverpool career but now looking as vulnerable to US interference as a Central American banana republic.
Benjani - Nicknamed 'The Undertaker' in his native Zimbabwe for his ability to bury teams, it says here. Tardy.
Berkovic, Eyal - Mercurial midget noted for one half of kung-fu training video when he interrupted a West Ham training session to attack John Hartson's boot with his jaw.
Best, George - Late football genius, shagger, star. Sadly pissed.
Bilic, Slaven - Dirty foreign sort who not only had the cheek to coach a team capable of beating mighty England twice, but then had the gall to suggest that perhaps his vanquished opponents were not quite as good as they think they are.
Blues, The - Unimaginative, last resort, can't-think-of-anything-better team nickname. Traditionally given to teams which play in blue.
Board, The - People who give a manager their full and vocal support about two days before giving him the sack. See Confidence, The Dreaded Vote Of
Bollix - From the Irish, a cubby hole for keeping assorted items with no other appropriate storage space, as in 'Stick it up your bollix'. See: C***, you f****** English.
'Boo Boys' - The section of a club's supporters who inexplicably take it upon themselves to target a player for criticism if he is not trying, failing to score for months at a time, being rubbish etc. See: Knockers, the.
Bowyer, Lee - Community-minded ambassador for the game, scholar and gentleman.
Brady, Karen - CEO of Birmingham City, married to Paul Peschisolido. Immortalised in numerous amusing terrace songs, all of them too earthy to reprint here.
Brazil, Alan - Thirsty Scotch footballer-turned-pundit whose finest hour came in Talksport Radio exchange with Mike Parry thus:
AB: "It was so sad to hear this morning of the death of John Shaw."
MP: "That's John Thaw, Alan"
AB: "Do you know, I keep getting his name wrong. John, if you're listening, sorry mate."
'Brazil, It's Just Like Watching' - Song sung by any rubbish team when they occasionally string more than two passes together. Thought to originate from Barnsley.
'Brian The Postman' - Alter-ego of Dwight Yorke while at Aston Villa. Oft-sighted in Brum nightclubs (and later in Sunday newspaper kiss-and-tells) prior to Yorke's departure for Manchester United. Flashed surprising amount of cash for a postal worker and lived in mansion studded with Yorke-related memorabilia, but was definitely not him.
Brolin, Tomas - Danced round England in Euro 1992 and, for a while, was brilliant. Then went to Leeds and became fat and rubbish. Later sold hoovers and shoes online, made a record with Doctor Alban and a jacuzzi video.
Brooking, Sir (formerly Trevor) - Nice but very boring man who talks about West Ham for a living.
Broom, New - Something an arriving manager tends to bring with him. Not sure why.
Brown, Craig - Amusingly "Donald Where's Your Troosers" type Scottish bungler turned phlegmatic pudit.
Brown, Wes - Is orange.
Bruce, Steve - Bernard-Cribbins-a-like manager currently flirting with relegation at Wigan. If by flirting you mean "he's taken relegation back to his place and is all set to give it a right good seeing-to".
'Brucie, Brucie, What's The Score?' - Question asked by Anfield regulars in the 1980s, and subsequently by Malaysian gambling syndicates, The News Of The World and various legal types.
Bubbles, I'm Forever Blowing - Song sung by West Ham fans. Also punchline of eighties joke about Michael Jackson.
Busby, Sir Matt - Great player for Liverpool and Manchester City about whose later career little is known. So thick was his Scottish accent, occupation is actually listed in 1930s Manchester census as "fruitboiler".
Butt, Nicholas (also 'Licky') - Painfully ginger Newcastle United midfielder whose name provides gleeful opportunities for pundits/commentators to indulge in sniggersome schoolboy innuendo along the lines of 'Pele likes Butt'. See also Camara, Titi; Fuchs; Argel; Kuntz, Stefan; Seaman, David; Shittu, Danny et al.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Lets Help out Ben Buckley: 2007/08 Hyundai A-League Survey
Tell us what you think for your chance to win a signed jersey from your favourite club.
As a valued fan we’d like to take this opportunity to get your views and opinions on Season 3 of the Hyundai A-League. The information you provide us will be used by Football Federation Australia and your local A-League club to enhance your match day experience, and the league as a whole. By completing this survey you’ll also go in the draw to win a jersey from your favourite Hyundai A-League club, signed by the team. To enter, simply fill out the survey, answer the question at the end, and provide us with your contact details.
To go to the survey simply click here youtellme.com.au/aleague07
Thank you for your assistance in growing football in Australia.
Ben Buckley
Chief Executive Officer
Football Federation Australia
The Breakdown of 'The World Game'
Andy Harper
Was the first to leave ‘The World Game’ to work on Fox. Having already appeared to be falling out with SBS after getting in bed with Eddie McGuire several times (he told SBS he was going on business trips), Andy hosted the complete failure that was Channel 9's coverage of the World Cup 2002. There was mass confusion as to which channel was actually showing the competition at the time. When SBS fans tuned in to see the World Cup and instead were treated to Ukrainian News and The News Hour with Jim-Lehrer, they were enraged. Fans revolted and burned down the Nine network, killing six directors and injuring twelve others. Sadly Harper survived the ordeal unharmed.
Robbie Slater
Having secretly dated football commentator Andy Harper during his time at SBS, it was no surprise that he was the next to join Fox Sports ‘Total Football’. Robert Slater, famously known for nearly losing his life in Lens after he was attack with baseball bats by Paris St-Germain supporters, was born in Ormskirk,
Next Week: Simon Hill, Stephanie Brantz and Andrew Orsatti
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