The Bible According to Ads - Deuteronomy

Thanks to Desmond who informed me on what the next book in the bible was called as I kind of like the whole biblical reverence that will soon be attached to this tome. Apologies to Sister Hermina who attempted to teach me the names of the books in the bible in primary school and who miserably failed (Yes Sister I know I am going to hell now).

Anyway, with the change of name and leadership team the Dynamo Spurs United (or DSU) entered a period of relative growth. The skills of the players had increased significantly and so had the physical bulk of some players (in particular Rod....steroids(did you see that guys balls? Yeah they were weird looking)). Despite the increasing level in skill the team failed once again to make the finals in their first season back. This was fundamentally due to an underlying imbalance in DSU’s team dynamic. With Mario long gone and Jords moving up to Geelong to further pursue his career as a rap/hip hop artist the team no longer possessed the strength in keepers that it once had. Freestyler, who was initially drafted into the team only for his keeping prowess, was becoming increasingly frustrated by his constant stay in goals and was demanding more on field game time to exhibit the step over moves and hurdling techniques that he had been secretly perfecting. This meant that Lawrie Sanchez was used more and more as a goalkeeper. Initially this move proved fruitful with Lawrie winning a man of the match award in his first game in goals. However, this was later to be factually determined to be beginner’s luck as Lawrie produced insipid performance after insipid performance. At this stage Lawrie became widely known as the Dirty Sanchez.

To resolve this lack of keepers Ads made the selfless decision to put himself into goals. Ads discovered that his cat like reflexes that had only been previously used to avoid a drunken Chook trying to slap and punch him served him admirably as a keeper. With Ads taking a sizable portion of the teams keeping duties the DSU continued to grow in a way that saw them just miss out on the finals in their second season.

This was however, when certain elements within the team began plotting the demise of the leadership clique. The Hated One, who up until this stage had remained dormant, was becoming increasingly frustrated with what he perceived to be a lack of first team opportunities. This led to him proposing that the match fee (which at this stage was $50) to be paid for on a minutes played basis, ie the more minutes that you played the more you would have to pay. In a relatively egalitarian team this policy move was treated with disdain and The Hated One was increasingly being shunned to the fringes of the team.

Gathering together the few allies (Lawrie Sanchez and Desmond) that were particularly close to him The Hated One began planning one of the most dangerous political machinations that had ever been seen in Tullamarine since Machiavelli moved there after faking his death. He’s plan was beautifully simple, split the DSU into two teams. One team would be led by Chook and the other by himself. The key argument he used to sway opinions on the issue of multiple teams was: “Come on guys, I only get 8 minutes a game and Rod gets a full game….not fare, not fare, not fare, I pay as much as he does, not fare etc etc.” He even went to the presumptuous stage of creating team line ups for the two teams:

Chooks team consisted of himself, Rod, Ziggy (a fill in player who was brought in by Chook, renowned for his pace) and Jords.

The Hated Ones team was himself, Ads, Desmond, Freestyler and Lawrie Sanchez.

To the leadership team of Chook and Ads such an action meant that war had been declared on their position as leaders of the team. In an intense meeting in the Melbourne Uni Student Union toilets Chook and Ads decided that the only way to thwart The Hated One would be to make the DSU so successful that it would be impossible to split.

During a number of tactical and technical discussions between Ads and Chook it was decided that the team required a new style of play. Up until this point the team had been relying on Rod to dribble past the entire opposition and score. The new tactics devised proposed a revolutionary 1-1-1 formation where the focus would be on a fast flowing brand of football relying on playing deep in our own half and quickly breaking with multiple players. With this new battle plan in place the DSU were finally prepared to make a tilt at finals football.