The Bible According to Ads-Genesis


Finally the mighty GSE have decided to go online. Due to overwhelming demand we have decided to chronicile our extensive exploits in the rough and tumble world of Tullamarine Action Indoor.


In the winter of 2003 a decision was made to form an indoor soccer team. All, but one (a year 11), of the founding members were Year 12 students of the illustrious St Bernard's College (SBC). Renowned for producing the mighty Paddy Kisnorbo, Matthew Lloyd, Mr Shayne "Hooley" Dooley, Ms Scott and parliamentary superstar Justin Madden MLC.

The founding members of the team consisted of Chook, Simon Cola-lola-bufalo, Adam Zammit, Mario and the player who is now only known as The Hated One. After a weekend of brainstorming this band of intrepid explorers decided to name their team the "SBC Gunnerz". This name was universally derided as both being shit and tacky (once when I was waiting for a game to start a 14 year old reading the fixture board exclaimed "SBC Gunnerz? What kind of loser name is that?"). The Gunnerz part of the name was drawn from Arsenal Football Club, with the grammatical butchering being attributable to an Americanisation of the english language and the fact that all of the founding members were failing English at the time. So with a team name decided upon an excursion was planned for a crisp Saturday morning to raid Vic Market for the cheapest imitation soccer tops in Melbourne. The kit decided upon was the Arsenal homestrip.


The line up of the team basically consisted of Mario in goals, Chook as a steely defender with a tireless work ethic, Zammit as a poor mans Chook (when I say poor man, I mean five layers of piss stained underwear and a plastic bag for a jacket), Simon who was initially drafted in as keeper (but was sacked after 2 games) and the marquis player whose skills where once compared to a young Michel Platini, The Hated One. This line up lasted all of two punishing defeats before it was decided that fresh talent was to be introduced.


The Hated One displaying the merciless nature that would become a trademark for his entire reign assumed the role of captain (which had remained unfilled to this point). His first act was to stop informing Simon on the playing times for games to deter him from attending any future games. This attack on Simon was justified by the fact that in the first two games he had played like a one legged man in an ass kicking contest (although I think he played more like one of those swans that is fed bread dipped in alcohol by old men who wait until the swan passes out and then eat them. Majestic yet queasy). The Hated One then proceeded to recruit one of the finest players at Bernard's, Rodders. Rod was a player who was renowned for his pace, strength over the ball and brilliant dribbling ability. However, he was also known as a hog who would refuse to pass to anyone on his team and always attempted to score the perfect goal. In all reality he was exactly the kind of player that our sister team in London would have loved.


This change in personnel led to a slight improvement in performance with the Gunnerz winning their first game. In this early period the team was carried by the immense frame of Mario. It was marvelled at the time how often his bespectacled head would prevent an almost certain goal. Perhaps one of the greatest keepers at action indoor, Mario pulled off save after save in numerous games to allow the Gunnerz to maintain a modicum of respect.

It was at this stage, approximately 5-7 games into the season, that it was deemed that the squad was too small to survive (basically they were too unfit to last the game so they needed a larger substitutes bench) and that fresh talent was to be blooded. The first of the generation two players to receive their call up was Jords. Jords was your typical total footballer. After many nights of study and eye bleeding in year 9 he had made the decision to become a player along the Rinus Michels school of thought. He proved himself to be an excellent field player with a stinging shot, a cruching tackle and big lips which where excellent for kissing. But perhaps more significantly he also proved to be a keeper that could rival Mario the Magnificent.


The next player to be drafted into the team two weeks later was the author of this article. Due to a birth defect Ads was born with his right foot six inches longer than his left. At the age of six he underwent painful surgery to have the length of his feet evened out. After learning to walk again Ads' footballing skills continued to grow until when at the age of 16 he was offered a 3 month trial with Dutch team Ajax Amsterdam. He ended up refusing this offer as he believed this to be a step backwards from playing on the Strand basketball courts where he was proving to be popular with both pundits and fans alike. Joining the team he added some extra pace and a fine range of passing. The Gunnerz now had successfully assembled a team which could at least run from one end of the court to the other without falling over. This led to a moderately successful period of growth for the team where the win/loss ratio was close to 50%.


However, all was not well within the Gunnerz. The recent transfer of several new players meant that the dynamic of the team had changed. Personality disagreements were making team bonding excercises, like bake sales, all but impossible. The Hated One sensed this growing tide of discontent and acted swiftly to offer the masses another pair of sacrifices Zammit and the Magnificent Mario.


To Be Contiued in Exodus.