Our story left off with Jords being appointed captain after the lacklustre rule of Desmond. Desmond and Jords were complete opposites as captains. Where Desmond was unorganised, late to games and refused to ever go in goals even when he was about to die from exhaustion, Jords was selfless, iron willed, a superb micro manager and the best goal keeper this side of Albert Park. Jords instantly revamped the team so there was an emphasis on hard running football with the inclusion of mercurial youngster Tuma. He would drill out instructions from his penalty box (semi circle) demanding that the GSE players lift. Often these instructions would be extremely vague such as “watch your left shoulder” (which would lead to Chook gazing at his left shoulder as an opposition player would dribble the ball past him) or “turn Ads turn”.
However, there was one early blemish during Jords’ captaincy that would make the season even more memorable. When an indoor soccer season is about 3 fixtures old the pariahs at Action Indoor decide that if you pay your registration fee (a grandiose $15 per player) your team will receive 5 bonus points up to a total of 20 bonus points maximum. In previous seasons we had always payed our registrations on time as it was often these bonus points which ensured some finals action. However, due to the teams overall laziness and the widespread belief that Apple Spice Slurpees at 7-11 were of far greater value we decided not to pay. This meant that every team in our division had a 20 point advantage on us at the start of the season.
The results at the start of the season were average. At this early stage Jords decided to place a rocket beneath the underperforming Desmond. Desmond’s performances had been consistently poor for the last couple of seasons. Only on rare occasions would he return to his former goal scoring heroics. To amend this Jords kidnapped Desmond from his house and placed him into the boot of his car. Jords then drove Desmond to Brimbank Park with the Regurgitator song “I like your old stuff better than your new stuff” playing on a constant loop. When they reached Brimbank Park Desmond was given the choice between a cold unmarked grave or improved performance for the GSE. Faced with this life or death situation Desmond realised that he was having a “Road to Damascus” moment. Swearing to Jords on a well perused Bra’s n’ Things catalogue, Desmond pledged that he would return to his old form and spearhead the GSE to finals glory.
There are few things more beautiful in life than experiencing a GSE win. The shot of adrenaline when you see Chook break clear of his marker to leave him one on one with the keeper, Desmond making a deft cutback to bamboozle some 200 pound Turkish monster, Freestyler thumping opposition players into the side netting as he battles for the ball or when Ads attempts to thunder a free kick past the opposition keeper. For a few weeks the GSE were an unbeatable team. With Jords’ faultless keeping the GSE were soon within contention of a finals spot overtaking teams who had to “buy” their position on the ladder rather than earning it.
With the close of the normal season the GSE finished 3rd. This meant that in the first week of finals we had to face DB’s. We had played DB’s twice and each time their afro haired keeper thwarted our valiant attempts to bulge the old onion bag (thanks crap Foxtel commentators). However, spurred on by Jords and some of the best long distance shooting since Portugal beat Russia 7-1 we took an early lead 4 goal buffer in the game. Early on both Ads and Chook were inspirational by netting goals from range (including a Chook trademark poor touch followed by sliding shot from half way that goes in but leads to him losing half the skin on his leg). However, in the second half our lack of match fitness (or really any fitness at all began to catch up with us). Pinned back in our defensive half DB’s managed to bring themselves back to within one goal of us. With five minutes left and GSE panicking the team decided to waste away the clock. Normally when a team attempts this approach it doesn’t work but for some reason this time we fortuitously held on to humiliate the previously unbeaten DB’s.
Now I must make a confession that I can’t remember the name of the team that we played in the final. Considering the fact that the final was only a couple of months ago and that I can still remember the look that Mario gave me when we booted him off the side 4 years ago suggests to me that I’ve been drinking too much alcohol over the last 6 months (not to mention all those recreational drugs Chook and I are on). Anyway so lets call this team Random Losers United or RLU. The game against a RLU started off with us going ahead within 5 seconds. The ball was kicked off. Tuma got the ball ran past a defender and then slammed a left footed drive. At half time we had reached the astonishing scoreline of 7-2. Jords was proving unbeatable in goals and his counterpart looked like The Hated One on the rare occasions that he used to spend goal keeping (in other words he was shit). Chook, Ads and Tuma were providing the hard running from deep with Freestyler and Desmond finishing off their work.
With two minutes gone in the second half Ads made a slaloming run down the right flank and put his shot in at the near post to give the GSE a 8-2 lead. Ads was even confident enough to celebrate his goal with a Shearer-esque hand in the air salute to the silent RLU supporters.
The rest of the game is not really something that I want to talk about. Considering the fact that we didn’t score a goal for the rest of the game and proceeded to lose 9-8. To this day that night haunts me much in the same way that AC Milan must have felt after that night in Istanbul. Jords got man of the match though and Ads and Chook cried (big strong man tears).
So that’s the history just about done. In the end this history is in itself not complete in anway. Those who lived it feel its inadequacy when they read it. They often complain to me about where was Hasan’s and that pony tail guy, what about The Hated One and his downfall with Platt’s house party, what about Lawrie Sanchez and his battle with insanity. To you the only excuse I give you is that almost all of the history was written in a drunken stupor and any mistakes are due to the limits of the author. Also to all those who criticise this work for giving an incorrect view of the events (I’m talking about you Hated One) then….
Lick my balls Totscum
I’m forever blowing bubbles
Pretty bubbles in the air
They fly so high, they reach the sky
Then like my dreams they fade and die
Fortunes always hiding I’ve looked everywhere
But I’m forever blowing bubbles
Pretty bubbles in the air
GSE, GSE, GSE
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment