Ads' Letters to the Corinthians

With Cold as Ice cruelly destroying DSU in their first grand final there was a renewed determination within the team to reach the pinnacle of the indoor soccer world. So in the following season we once again reached the grand final and once again we got smashed. This time by some random team who despite defeating us 8-3 was decidedly average with their only saving grace being that they could run (and we were too lazy to run). This was a thoroughly underwhelming performance as it was believed that this was the season that the DSU could finally win an elusive indoor soccer divisional title.

With two runner up trophies sitting (mocking him) on his mantel piece at home, Ads decided that he could never again perform the humiliating task of giving a losing captain’s speech. Ads quit the captaincy and asked for nominations to succeed him. The only player with the necessary experience and vigour to become a DSU captain was Desmond. However, Desmond was in the middle of his tenure as a NUS OB and he refused to take on the more prestigious role as captain of DSU. In an attempt to sway his opinion Ads and Chook sneaked into Desmond’s office in Trades Hall and proceeded to download a massive amount of porn (including that one with the eels) onto his computer. It was expected that Desmond would get sacked for this indiscretion but this failed to materialise due to the widespread debauchery and decadence that already existed in the NUS office. In an act of desperation Ads and Chook forged Desmond’s signature on the nomination form and Desmond was elected unopposed as captain of DSU.

With The Hated One truly gone (defecting to the now defunct Metro Stars FC) it was decided that the name of the team Dynamo Spurs United should be changed. Ads and Chook drew upon their knowledge of the Irons and their love of popular culture to rename the team the Green Street Elite (GSE). GSE was the name given to the West Ham firm in the moderately successful post hobbit Elijah Wood film ‘Green Street Hooligans’.

With a new team name and a new captain in place expectations were high. However, much to the disgust of Ads and Chook, Desmond continued to concentrate on his duties at NUS (flying to the Gold Coast, drinking skinny latté’s on Lygon Street and getting heavily intoxicated in his office). With the team falling apart Ads and Chook called an emergency meeting where they sacked Desmond and appointed Chook as the new indoor captain. Chook managed to recover slightly and the team staggered into the finals where they were decisively beaten by Conte’s team in a semi final where Ads was injured in the first 10 minutes with no substitutes on the bench.

The team realised at the end of this season that it had only Ads, Chook and Freestyler as regular players. The list of casualties from the SBC Gunnerz days was comprehensive: Mario, Zammit, Lawrie Sanchez, Fat Petar, The Hated One, Rods and now Desmond. Craig Foster stated that perhaps the reason for such an exodus of players was because of Ads and Chooks poor interpersonal skills and their lack of focus on the technical and tactical aspects of the game (Craig Foster was promptly told to go sodomise Tony Palombo). In a public spat with the TWG (The World Game) team there was also a physical altercation between Chook and Andrew Orsati in a post game interview which led the GSE to be banned from SBS football coverage (when SBS had lost the television rights to the English Premier League to Foxtel they had initially planned on airing all of the GSE’s games).

It was now evident that if Chook and Ads did not find a new captain that the GSE would be doomed. They turned to the man who at one stage driven them to the very edge of glory as an award winning keeper, Jords. The only element preventing Jords from becoming captain was his record deal with independent rap/hip-hop label Fat Can’ts which specifically prevented him from becoming captain of any indoor soccer teams. To release Jords from his contract Ads and Chook entered Freestyler into an MMesque (8 Mile, yes what a great film) MC competition which he proceeded to win.

With Jords now a free agent, he was elected unopposed as captain of GSE. His leadership would bring on a new golden era for the team which would be forever known as “the Halcyon Days”.